Post # 1
Similar to other stories I’ve seen on these forums, I failed to heed the warning of asking a bridesmaid too soon (2 years in advance!) and now am suffering the consequences!
A little bit of background on the one bridesmaid I’ve asked so far. We’ve been friends (via work) for almost a year and occasionally party together. I don’t have any really close female friends as my two best friends are guys so I started thinking of her as a good friend. She got overly excited when I got engaged and was ‘kidding’ with other work colleagues about how she would plan my wedding. I thought nothing of it and was really flattered to have someone else as excited as I was! About a month after our engagement I decided to ask her to be bridesmaid (informally) and warned her that it was still a long time until the wedding, and she was over the moon about it.
Now, it’s been a few weeks since asking and she’s stopped putting any effort into being actual friends. She cancelled our girl’s night out claiming to be sick and then goes out with her real friends instead, and she never makes an effort to talk at work anymore. Yet she messages me every few days with hair and dress ideas and talking about where we’re going to go for the shower! It’s as if she’s obsessed with being bridesmaid but doesn’t actually want to be my friend. In hindsight I should have seen this coming because she had begged me months ago that if I ever got engaged she wanted to be my bridesmaid! She claimed she was just kidding, but I think she desperately wants the attention that comes with being a bridesmaid, no matter who the bride is!
I feel like her true colours are showing now and I’m starting to see it very clearly. She’s always partying really hard and showing up to work still drunk/hungover, and the time we do spend together outside work has to involve being blind drunk or she’s not interested… My question is, can I unask her to be bridesmaid? I’d like to just wait til closer to the time and ask my fiance’s two sisters and my cousin as bridesmaids, at least that way there’s no real risk I’ll end up resenting my wedding photos! Would it be in bad taste to tell her I’m considering having no bridesmaids or even just family?
Sorry for the long post guys! I would love to hear your input!
Post # 3
@PinkPansy: I think saying that you are having just family or no bridesmaids gives you a good out…I doubt she wil be crushed and as long as she hasnt spent any money on anything it should be ok 🙂
Post # 4
@PinkPansy: You still have over two years till the wedding. I would leave things as is for at least a year. Who knows where your relationship will be by then?
If you are not close friends at that time, you can tell her that you have decided to have no attendants .
Post # 5
Hopefully she’ll not take it too hard! It’s my own fault for jumping the gun and not thinking it through. But thankfully we’re still in the very early stages of planning so nothing is set in stone!
The only problem with waiting too long to break it to her is how excited she is about planning, it’s as if she’s the bride! The only time I hear from her is to tell me about these flowers she likes or this colour scheme she thinks would be perfect… I don’t really want to lead her on too long or it could end badly and I don’t need the drama in such a small workplace. I thought it might be best to tell her I’m not sure what kind of bridal party we’ll have when the time comes and that I’m sorry I got so swept up in it all that I asked her so soon. At least maybe that way if things change or she matures, all is not lost?
Post # 6
You sure can UN-ask a bridesmaid. Its your wedding, it will hurt you more to keep her on that it will hurt her to be un-ask. You stand to lose more than she does, emotionally. You will see her forever more in your wedding photos. And you will need to deal with her as a bridesmaid in the lead to your wedding. Sounds like she doesn’t really want to hang out with you, it might be because of say maybe lack of common interests? That’s ok people are different. She is naive in thinking that she is in a position to help you plan your wedding just because she is in a bridesmaid position. My point is: friendship comes first, then if they are helpful in wedding planning then that’s a plus. You need to let her go before it drags on.
Post # 7
Unask her! A asked a friend and since then we’ve stopped talking altogether although she calls me when she needs something every now and then. I didn’t even Unask her lol, literally just excluded her.
In two years time you’ll have drifted so far apart you may not even need to unask, trust me.