(Closed) Bridesmaid issue – can’t seem to let it go

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Tough to say. I like to know where I stand with my friends and be honest with them so that the issue doesn’t fester in my mind. Because really the only person who will suffer for that is me. But in your case, I’d wait until after the wedding to mention it only because you don’t need the stress right now. Then you can go to lunch or something and say “It’s not a huge deal, but it’s really been bothering me that you blew off my bridal shower and then lied to me about it. What’s up?” Then give her the chance to either apologize or cover it up. Either way you know the truth and you’ll know where you stand with this girl.

Post # 4
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@KatyElle: this.

Best to leave it until after wedding.  But let her know you know, for sure.

Post # 4
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@KatyElle: this.

Best to leave it until after wedding.  But let her know you know, for sure.

Post # 5
Member
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t be so upset that she didn’t make the shower, but I would be very upset to find out that she had lied to me.

I would not bring it up until after the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@misspeanut: Sorry that happened. I’d ask her if her family drama was resolved with a football game. Seriously though, does she have a track record of flaking out on you or other friends? I’m wondering how likely it is that she would skip out on other things like your bachelorette party (if invited and if it is to come) and the wedding itself. If this is a pattern for her or if anything else pops up, I’d talk to her immediately. Otherwise, I’d talk with her after the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@misspeanut: I would not be too upset about her not attending the shower. Its kind of up to her what she chooses to attend. I understand that as a bridesmaid that she ‘should’ attend but its not a requirement in my mind. but thats just me. I would, however, be upset that she lied to me about it. Even if i could understand why she chose to not just be honest I still would not appreciate the dishonesty. I would wait til after the wedding and just let her know how you felt about it.

Post # 9
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

Lying to me is a big deal, it just all around was not a nice thing to do to a friend. I completely understand how you are feeling. I would do what PPs have suggested and wait until after the wedding to bring it up. Approach it gently, however I wouldn’t want to continue on with the friendship without clearing the air. I don’t like liars 🙁

Post # 11
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think it’s an overreaction to be bothered by this at all.  Like PPs have said, not so much about her attendance at the shower but about her lying to you about it.  I would wait, like everyone else has suggested, until after the wedding and bring it up to her, not in an accusatory way but in a way that gives her an opportunity to explain or elaborate on what happened. 

It seems like from this post that this isn’t the way she normally behaves toward you and your friendship with her.  Maybe, just maybe, there is some kind of explanation for this and she didn’t want to burden you with it knowing that you are stressed out with wedding planning.  Not saying that she can justify it, especially in this day and age of social media where you were bound to find out about her lie fairly easily, but maybe she can explain it in such a way that you can get past it quickly. 

Post # 12
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@misspeanut: ok that makes it different. completely different. If she had committed to hosting and was responsible for food and stuff that is just wrong. Period. If she was coming as a guest then my original answer would have still been my opinion but when she was part of the planning and execution of the shower she should have held up her end of things.

Post # 13
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

@misspeanut:  Ah, your subsequent post adds more detail.  Since this is a trend you’ve noticed in her recently, maybe this is a way you could broach the subject with her – not as an attack on her boyfriend, but as concern for her as a friend.  It’s tricky to do this, but if she’s truly that good of a friend to you, she should be open to it, as well as to you expressing your hurt at being lied to. 

Post # 14
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@misspeanut: Im so sorry to hear about your friend doing that to you. /sigh. definitely not right. I say keep your sanity and your class and dont mention it, but if you feel the need i say try not to until after the wedding. You know what you saw and you don’t need to hear her side; hearing her lie to your face won’t make it feel any better, likely worse. Just keep aware of it, I always say “you can forgive but you dont always have to forget.

Again Im sorry. Cheer up MissPeanut!! xo

Post # 15
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

What is it with sucky bridesmaids….. my situation is horrible and only a month to go. Ah, it’s too close. Just know in your mind that she isn’t the best, but be overly nice to her. Ask if her family is ok, etc… and just let her be in the wedding and on your wedding day, keep in mind thousands of people are faking their happiness with all of their bridesmaids too lol.

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