- 10 years ago
- Wedding: May 2009
So I am having a huge problem with my bridesmaid selection. I got engaged in December and asked my bridesmaids in March about being in my wedding. There are 5 of them. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister in law so no problem there. Grew up with her since I was 10, my best friend, awesome sister, and great girl. My other "family" Bridesmaid or Best Man is my F’s sister. She rocks and I am super excited for her to be one. Then there are my three closest friends. One of which is actually my best guy friends wife (he is a groomsman for my man) and then my two best friends from college. The guy friends wife is awesome and very helpful and lives about an hour from me so we see each other pretty often. However my other two bridesmaids are the ones the problems occured with.
Back story: I have been friends with them both for 5-6 years. We were very close, I worked with one on coop and the other I went to school with.
The blow up: As of a almost three weeks ago we got in a HUGE fight. We’ve never really faught and always been very close. My one Bridesmaid or Best Man was moving to Utah in a few weeks (we live in IL) so they both wanted to come visit as a farewell party to her. Which was fine with me. I was super excited to see them both. Only problem was the weekend they insisted on coming was the weekend me and the Fiance had a wedding for some work collegues/friends of my Fiance. We had already RSVPed and there was no way of getting out of it. Not to mention it was a friend of ours and all are friends would be there so we wanted to go.
I informed my two Bridesmaid or Best Man that we had a wedding and they were more than welcome to come to town but sat I wouldn’t be able to hang out much because of the wedding.
So they came into town and we went out friday had tons of fun. Sat we went to the wedding and they had plans to go and do there own thing, meeting up with us at midnight after the wedding.
Well needless to say sat night my phone died and I called them to tell them to call my Fiance phone since they knew his number, it was charged, not a big deal. Well then went to a bar and started drinking while we were at the wedding. I had a few glasses of wine at the wedding but wasn’t drinking heavily because I knew we were meeting up with them. Well needless to say I got sick. I went to the bathroom because I was feeling nauseus and spent the next three days in the bathroom with food poisoning. So finally my Fi sent a friend into the girls bathroom because he was looking for me to leave. I was very sick.
He put me in the car and went to pick up my two Bridesmaid or Best Man and take me home then hang out with them since I was sick. Well he went to get them and when he got to the bar they were very drunk. They procedded to get in the car and we drove home. The whole way home they were saying really mean things about me. How they’d wasted all their money coming to visit me and how I was a shitty friend. How I was just a bitch and they didn’t know why we were friends. How I was stupid, retarded, uglyy. You name it they were saying it. So I tried to fall asleep (it’s a 20 min drive home) and they continued to talk.
When we got home, I was half asleep and feeling horrible and went to sit up and collect my stuff. One of the Bridesmaid or Best Man opened my door and tried to pull me out of my Fiance truck. I caught myself and jumped back in the car. They went inside and I conitued into my house and upstairs so that I could just go to bed. I was in the bathroom for 15 min. being sick and my Fiance came in and put me to bed. Then I laid in bed and for 30 min listened to them continuing to talk about me outside my bedroom door. (My Fi and I own a house and this was at our house). Finally I got to a breaking point and opened my door, yelling at theme about how I was a good friend to them and had always been there for them. The fact that they could say mean things about me like this was hurting and I didn’t understand. I then said if you want to stand in my house and talk horrible about me and really think I’m that bad of a friend then "get out". I said don’t stand in MY house talking about how horrible I am. I went back into my room and cried myself to sleep.
THey went downwstairs, talking about me and told my Fiance they were leaving. He was trying to calm them down and they weren’t having it. So they left and took a cabb to sleep in their car.
The next morning I woke up and tried to call them, text them, facebook message them, email them for three days. NO ANWSER at all. They refused to talk to me. So two weeks later I get emails back saying they won’t talk to me about it and there is nothing to talk about. I had apologized for my piece of everything noting some of the problem was myself and my actions. But that I was upset with their words and felt it was equally a third everyones fault and no one was in the right that night. Well they wrote back saying they did nothing wrong and I must have been "too drunk to remember". Note I was the sober one (4 glasses of wine from 6pm-11pm), they were the ones that spent all their money at the bar that night. They refuse to talk to me on the phone about it and also keep making a big deal about the plane ticket one bought to come see me and the $26 taxi ride they had to split.
Now is my dilema, I don’t know what to do and whether or not I should have them in my wedding still or if they want to and can financially afford it. I feel like I can’t be friends with them till they apologize for the mean things they said about me and accept part of the blame. I’ve tried to contact them, I’ve apologized and done everything I can think of to talk things out and make them right with no response except an email saying it was all my fault, and that they were in NO way in the wrong.
Not to mention them being upset about the money. Everytime I visit them or they visit me I pay for everything. Meals, drinks, clothes from shopping everything. My Fi and I have got in fights because they don’t ever offer to pay. Now they are mad because they each had to shell out $13 for a cab ride. How are they going to feel buying a $135 dress, plus alteration, plus a hotel room, and they both will need at least 3 plane tickets to come up here for showers, bachelorette parties, and the wedding.
I guess I’m just looking for some perspective on what people think I should do. What my options are? Sorry this is so long, I’m just very lost. I have two other good friends who have been helping me A TON with the wedding despite not being my bridesmaids and I feel they deserve it more than the other two. Who at this point I’m not even sure if they like me.
Sorry this is SO LONG. But I appreciate any perspective someone can give me.