- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
This may be long so please bear with me. I am having an issue with my friend of ten years which is also a bridesmaid. She has just been very difficult to deal with. I am under the impression she just can’t handle that I am getting married. Her and I used to be very close, we went out all the time, spent most of our time together and even worked together at one point. I started dating my now Fiance and we drifted apart a little but still remained friends. Everything seemed fine…when my Fiance and I got engaged back in September she was very happy for us. Then I started noticing things once the wedding plans went underway. The night before we went wedding dress shopping, I had her over for a girls night because my Fiance was out of town and we opened up a bottle of wine and ordered pizza. Well one bottle of wine turned into 3–for her mostly. I had two glasses of wine. By midnight she was pretty drunk–I was not–and I was getting ready for bed when she came in and told me she invited two guys over to my house–one was my ex boyfriend. I told her absolutely not and made her call them back and uninvite them. I went to bed irritated and the next morning she apologized. The entire time we were dress shopping she smelled like alcohol and was hung over. I let this slide and hoped it was a one time thing. A couple months later, she came over to have dinner and work on wedding stuff. She showed up with a 18 pack of beer and opened one immediately upon getting into the house. She drank a lot before and during dinner so by that point, I wasn’t going to do wedding stuff with her knowing how much she drank. She drank quite a bit and proceeded to drive home after I tried begging her for an hour to please stay the night. I bribed her with watching movies together, getting fast food at 1AM, anything I could think of but ultimately nothing worked and she drove home. I was very upset about it because if anything were to happen to her or someone else, I’d have to live with the fact that she left MY house drunk. I told my Fiance the next day that she was welcome to come over to our house anytime but she will not be drinking at our home because I’d feel too responsible. So my real problem…
I gave all my bridesmaids a 3 month notice as to when they needed to have their dresses ordered and paid for. All of my girls got them except her. She is a week overdue now and the shop told her that the very final day to order to ensure her dress is on time is July 9th. I let her know this and she keeps saying that she could order a month before and she’d get it in time. On top of the things I’ve mentioned, on Friday she sent me some nasty text messages saying that I haven’t been a good friend to her and she feels like she is being left behind. I tried to console her saying that I apologize if I haven’t been there as much as I normally am and that after the wedding I’d have more free time and money to hang out. She continued to just be nasty and I told her that we both need to be better friends to each other and that I understand I haven’t been around as much but she is guilty for some things as well. She didn’t like me pointing these things out. I finally got her to calm down and we had planned to meet for coffee today to discuss things. I have been apprehensive to meet her because I feel like she hasn’t been the greatest friend to me but she can’t take any of the responsibility. Well yesterday she posted on Facebook a picture of her finger with a big fake ring on with the same caption I had posted when I got engaged…to the last word. It was obvious it was a joke because it was like a novelty size ring plus she isn’t dating anyone. But it made me feel like she was mocking me a little…or maybe I was being too sensitive—but I never said anything about it. Then about an hour after her post, she sent me a text canceling out coffee date asking if we could do it another time. I said that we could and she said she’d let me know when.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. Her and I have obviously drifted apart. We are in different parts in our lives, which is okay, but I shouldn’t be penalized for it. I am getting married, have a home and will be starting a family within a year and she is single, partying, and living with her dad. We are both the same age though—we are 27 years old. She makes me feel guilty every time I see her, she constantly tells me that I don’t hang out with her enough, and now she’s making my wedding planning so difficult. I don’t want to kick her out of my wedding because I don’t want my wedding to be why our friendship ends. I feel like I should just try to deal with her for the next 4 months and then reevaluate our friendship once things calm down but I am just so stressed about it to where I’ve even cried about it.
If you read this far, you are so awesome. Any advice on how I should handle this?