Post # 1
I have seven bridesmaids, three of which are my fiance’s aunts. My Maid/Matron of Honor lives an hour and a half away, as do most of my bridesmaids, and so I’m using Facebook for most communications. I’m quite set on having all my bridesmaids wear the same dress, in the same color, because I think it looks nicer and more formal. However, I have a lot of girls of different sizes. Together, my Maid/Matron of Honor and I decided on a dress, which I am going to send a picture of to all my bridesmaids for final approval. I’m very afraid, however, of being the bride that makes everyone wear a hideous dress. I think it’s pretty, and since the wedding is in February I stuck with a long dress. I actually gave my Maid/Matron of Honor final decision between this and another, and she really liked this one, but I want to get more feedback? Here it is, in Pewter: http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Strapless-Ruched-Satin-Ball-Gown-F13974_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Shop-By-Length-Long-Bridesmaid-Dresses
Also, is it okey to give restrictions on shoes and makeup? I know one of my bridesmaids always wears very dark eye makeup, and I really want everyone wearing more natural, lighter colors (I will be doing this myself as well). I was thinking of adding in my mass message to keep the makeup natural, but is this seen as rude or overly controlling? For shoes I was going to allow them to choose their own, with the limitations of them being silver, open toed, and heels.
So is any of this wrong? I want my bridesmaids to look beautiful, but I have some guidelines I want followed as well. For their hair can I dictate the style if I’m providing them with cheap service? (My sister is a stylist and has agreed to do their hair for a small fee.) Obviously I don’t need them all the same, especially since some girls have short hair, but I wanted longer hair pulled into a bun.
Post # 3
Well… I think some of it is a bit much.
1. I can totally get on board with BMs in the same dress. However, I think if you do this, you should really try to get feedback from your BMs. I guess I’m wondering why you are asking us for feedback but not them? Strapless is fine, but I could see some girls feeling a little self conscious in the dress, if they are large chested…or maybe even small chested (?) etc.
2. I hear ya about the dark makeup. I’m envisioning goth or something. I don’t think that it would be bad to push for natural looking makeup. However, I might have your Maid/Matron of Honor bring up something like, “Harley was mentioning really going for a romantic look for the wedding and Bridal Party. So I’m thinking we’d all look great wearing pinks and reds for makeup. Anyone disagree or need help with makeup?” Or something like that. It might get the ball rolling. But unless this Bridesmaid or Best Man really takes her makeup way too far, I’d shy away from making too many demands.
3. Allowing them to pick their own shoes is good. I think it’s fine to go with a simple silver shoe, etc. Maybe put a bug in MOH’s ear that you’d prefer strappy. But honestly, if someone has an issue with open toed or heels, I don’t think it’s fair to make them feel uncomfortable all night. In the grand scheme of things your BM’s shoes should be waaaaaay down at the bottom of your concerns.
4. Hair?? No dice with me. Even if the hair is being done cheaply, who is paying? If they are paying, I would actually say you shouldn’t make the service a requirement. Many gals can do their own hair. So I don’t like the idea of forcing them to pay for another expense, they might not even need. If you are making it available and not requiring, it’s OK if they pay. If you are paying I think that is wonderful, but I wouldn’t force them to have their hair a certain way. I think they’ll look, feel, and compose themselves, the best, if they are allowed some liberty to do themselves up the way the feel works best for them. I for one would hate having my hair in a bun. I don’t think I look good at all with one.
Post # 4
I think the dresses are nice and that bridesmaids are rude to complain about them – unless they are expected to pay more than about $200.
I think it’s inappropriate for you to tell them how they should wear their makeup. If they are your friends, they are beautiful for that alone. If you don’t like dark makeup, don’t wear it yourself but it shouldn’t matter how the others choose to be. I would find it controlling if someone told me how to wear my makeup. If you’re prepared to pay for their makeup, then I guess it’s ok for you to choose.
I think it’s fine to get the girls to select their shoes in a specific colour that suits you.
As for hair, I believe they should be able to choose how they want it, unless you are prepared to pay for it entirely.
So basically, unless you are prepared to pay for the hair and makeup, you should leave it as optional and never place restrictions on what they should do.
Post # 5
1. Well it’s really hard for me to contact them other than online, so I was just wondering if going with all the same dress was too much, or if I should pick out a couple styles before talking to them. And that was one of my concerns, since two of my BMs are very large chested, but I think this strapless is a higher cut than most and can be altered to fit snugly. I also was having a lot of trouble finding dresses I deemed attractive that had straps as well. But you’re right- I’ll talk to my BMs about it and hopefully they all agree.
2. Yeah, she has a bit of an emo/punk style, and is in drama so a lot of the time her makeup is over the top. But I think if I mentioned something in a group post she would understand and abide by it. I don’t want them to not wear any makeup, but I want it to be a more complimentary pallette so that years from now they won’t cringe at the photos. Thick black eyeshadow and eyeliner is something I want to avoid.
3. As for the shoes, I wasn’t going to be picky over them. I just thought giving them an idea of what to wear would be helpful to all of us. If anyone doesn’t feel comfortable in heels I’ll be fine with them wearing nice sandals or flats. Plus they can always change into those little fold-out flats for the reception; something I’ll probably do as well! I was thinking of buying a pair for each of my BMs as part of their gift.
4. The service is available, but not required. It’s just way cheaper than having it done somewhere else, if they so choose to get it. And by bun I didn’t mean the old maid looking plain one, I meant more of a wrap around or curled and pinned one. I wasn’t going to go crazy on this one, I just prefer they have their hair up in some way, instead of down. But thank you for all the advice!
Post # 6
@harleyanastasia:i think your requests are reasonable. the dress is a pretty standard shape that generally suits all sizes. I think telling them the color and style of shoe you want is reasonable too. its your wedding and your vision so they should be able to bear with you for just one day.
How cheap is the hair gonna be? cos that really makes a difference
Post # 7
Thank you :3 And about 15 dollars. Which isn’t bad because the uniform cost for an updo is 35+
Post # 8
I have nine bridesmaids!! So I feel your pain on trying to communicate with everyone! I also use facebook… and tons of mass text messages 🙂 I like your bridesmaids dresses. I dont think they should have a problem with it either, however if you have that one person who doesnt like it.. which I totally had, ignore her! You cant please everyone and personally its your wedding not theirs! If you like the dress then thats all that matters! I’m kind of doing the same thing on shoes as well. Its too difficult for me to have 9 pairs of the exact same shoes. (especially when my Maid/Matron of Honor lives 6 hours away and 3 of my bridesmaids live over an hour away) So I just told them what color I wanted them to wear and that I wanted it to be a peep toe heel. Its your wedding and your pictures! So you dont want to look back at the pictures and then ugh.. I let everyone do whatever they wanted and I wouldnt have done that if I just said something. You can say it in a nice way and they should be ok with it because again its YOUR day 🙂 I’m all about the natural make up. They dont need to be over done with “club” make up when they are in someone else’s wedding. I would send out a mass facebook message to all your girls just saying “ok so I’ve come up with this dress (send the pic) and I would like for you to wear these type of shoes but they dont have to be the same as everyone just this color and this type shoe and I want to go with a more natural look for make up.. I’m going to be doing my makeup natural too. Also my sister said she would do hair for anyone who wants it done.” This is your day and it should be done how YOU want it!!
Post # 9
Thanks! I kind of feel that way too, like I would be willing to do whatever the bride wanted from me so it should be the same from them, but I don’t want to offend anyone.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club
I agree with picking a couple of dresses and having your BMs check them out. For the wedding I was just in, the bride emailed some styles that she liked, but when she was in town we went shopping (I was the MOH) and we ended up deciding on another dress. None of the girls had any problems with it (It was also a DB floor length dress). I know I will never wear it again, but I knew that going in and thought of it as being a Maid/Matron of Honor.
The bride wanted all of our hair up, but she paid for our hair and makeup so I think that was really fair. Asking the the girls to get one color of shoe shouldn’t be a problem, and hopefully with the color you suggested they will be able to wear them again. Hope every thing works out!