(Closed) Bridesmaid Issues

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
9565 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m sorry she didn’t handle it well. It sounds like she chickened out of an awkward situation instead of dealing with it maturely. You could address that if you want, casually. “Hey girl, I know it’s awkward but you could have talked to me about not being a bm. I understand totally, but it hurt to find out on FB”. 

Re: your wedding… If she complains to you again just give her an out. “I know the costs can add up especially with your wedding around the corner. If you’d rather not be a Bridesmaid or Best Man I understand”. If you want her out. If you want her in, cover some of her costs but I know that might add insult to injury. 

Post # 3
Member
3606 posts
Sugar bee

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browneyedgirl86:  It’s awkward to tell a close friend to her face that she’s not a bridesmaid. She probably couldn’t think of a good way to bring it up and just decided to let her silence do the talking instead. You said you understand she has a lot of women in her life and can’t make everyone a bridesmaid, so I would let go of the hurt and just let this one slide.

As for her complaining about the costs, you could give her an out like PP suggested or just grit your teeth and bear it for the next couple months. Maybe she is shelling out a lot on her own wedding and is feeling the pinch now in a way she wasn’t before.

Post # 4
Member
9518 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Go to lunch and discuss this with her. You didn’t expect to be a bridesmaid and she probably didn’t realize how hurt you would be. It’s not that you value the friendship more, like you said, she has several sisters. 

Maybe she is looking for an out from being your bridesmaid, that’s why she is complaining

Post # 5
Member
47423 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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browneyedgirl86:  You are contradicting yourself:

I didn’t assume I would be in her wedding party because she has several sisters and has been a bridesmaid a few times and obviously she can’t pick everyone.

vs

(I feel more foolish that with our weddings so close together it is glaringly obvious who values the friendship more).

Her choice of bridesmaids has nothing to do with who values the friendship more.

The pp already made my other point. Some people are just really uncomfortable telling someone they are not going to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

 

Post # 7
Member
3606 posts
Sugar bee

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browneyedgirl86:  I feel you, and I can sense your hurt and think it’s totally justified. I would be hurt but understanding in your shoes, too. I was suggesting a reason why she might have avoided the topic altogether around you instead of dropping hints that you were not in the Bridal Party – she might have wanted to avoid any mention of the Bridal Party in order to avoid awkwardness, but not realized that she was leading you on, in a way, in the process.

Friendships can and do change, and whatever the future of your friendship with this person is, hopefully your wedding day is an awesome memory you can both look back on in the future.

Post # 8
Member
9276 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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browneyedgirl86:  Does it suck not to be chosen? Of course but as you pointed out she has several sisters etc. She isn’t responsible for your petty feelings, you are. She doesn’t owe you an explanation plus what an awkward conversation that would be. Stop making her wedding and her wedding choices about you. 

As far as the cost thing, well usually when you hear bridesmaids complaining about costs it is because the bride in question isn’t being sensitive to their budget. Did you discuss a budget individually with your bridesmaids?

 

 

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