(Closed) Bridesmaid issues

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Aw, I made it to the bottom and I didn’t think you rambled or sounded like you were whining at all.  I feel bad for you and I know how tough it can be to be “the bride” and feel like your friends maybe aren’t there as much as you feel they should be. 

I also hate confrontation, but it sounds like she won’t even answer your calls or call you back at all, so it might come down to not even being able to tell her on the phone directly other than leaving a message.  I think you should say that you definitely value your friendship but feel that due to the distance and not really having been able to share the wedding details thus far, you feel like you should ask someone else to be in it because you are going to need a lot of help with getting things together (not sure if that is the truth of whether you will need a ton of help from your bridesmaids or not).  It sounds like if she is too busy to even talk to you or meet up with you, she won’t have time to fulfill the responsibilities of being in the wedding party.  There is definitely a nice way to say it and if she is a reasonable person, she would probably agree and possibly even be relieved by knowing she isn’t “letting you down” by not being able to live up to such a committment. 

Just be honest…it’ll be better than being frustrated with her for the next 6 months and having any resentment/damaging the friendship beyond repair.  I haven’t asked very much of my maids, but when I panicked about bridesmaids dresses last week, all 5 of them were pretty much right on top of it so I know I can count on them (only one lives in my city, the other three live in a neighboring state and one lives in Florida)! 

Best of luck, hopefully my rambling advice helps you a little!

Post # 4
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Aww how frustrating. It’s such a shame to see friendships die down like that, but in this case it sure seems like it has. 

I typically prefer text or email given my schedule, so maybe she’s like that too, and if that was it, I would give her some slack. However I will always make time to call friends back, and it sounds like there are several more factors about your friend that are upsetting you. 

Honestly, I would likely not want her in my wedding anymore. Being asked to be in someone’s wedding is an absolute honor and should be treated that way (although of course there are times when brides go a little crazy, or it’s too expensive, or other factors apply that make it unnattractive/not feasible to be in someone’s wedding – none of which seem to be the case here). Perhaps you two are just in two different times of your lives…or she could be suffering from a case of jealousy. 

Either way, I’d think about having her not be in it…or making sure that you discuss your concerns with her. I know that you said you don’t like text or email, but that seems to be the way she responds best. Maybe put your thoughts in a nice, non-confrontational email to her, expressing your concerns? 

Post # 6
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I had a bridesmaid that I was extreamly close with for a number of years.  She moved away and we still stayed in touch.  I got engaged, asked her to be in the wedding and I’ve barely heard from her.  It’s not you.  It happens.

My friend also lies, makes up excuses and it’s easy to track down anymore.  The best thing that worked – a confrontation about her not being in the wedding if she wasn’t going to “bridesmaid up” and do what she was asked to do, etc.  She changed her tune pretty quick.  I did get a drunk dial slightly after that explaining that she was sort of jealous about my life and didn’t know how to handle it or channel it correctly so she felt that not speaking to me was the best thing.  Odd.  I know.

BEST OF LUCK!  You are bride – do what’s going to make you happy!!

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