(Closed) Bridesmaid Issues, Please Please Please Help!!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m sorry your bridesmaids aren’t living up to your expectations. I think the best thing to do is talk to the girl you are closest to (not your sister) and tell her straight out : “the daytime activities are sorted, would you guys mind organising a restaurant/bar/ whatever you had in mind”. You might find that they were waiting to be asked or thought your sister had it under control. Otherwise it really should be your sister who does the asking.

 

If none of them really want to do it and they don’t give you an answer I am sorry, but you will just have to go ahead with organising it yourself or scrapping it altogether. I am going to be organising my own with a little help, as none of my bridesmaids are in the same country as me.

 

Post # 4
Member
8435 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Technically a party is a gift and not an obligation. Your bridesmaids do not have to throw you any kind of party (bachelorette, shower) unless they want to. If they do not offer/bring it up then I would take it as they are not interested in throwing one for you.

Does it suck of course and I am sorry that they are not living up to your expectations but in fairness they are your expectations for BM’s. Their expectations for BM’s might be entirely different.

Anyone can throw you a party though.

Post # 5
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@arch_chic23:  I’m not going to say whether or not you are expecting too much. However, I have planned my own bachelorette and I have 6 bridesmaids and I dont feel any way about it. 

Your bachelorette does not just have to involve your bridesmaids. Do you have any other friends that are interested in it. I have 6 bridesmaids but there are 8 of us going to Jamaica for my bachelorette. A girl that isnt my bridesmaid is the most excited. 

I dont think a bachelorette party determines how interested or uninterested your bridesmaids are. They may not have the funds nor the time to devote to a bunch of activities towards your wedding. I know last year when I was Maid/Matron of Honor for a friend, her wedding was at a horrible time when I had a lot of deadlines for work plus travel so I got really tired of all the things she wanted from me towards the end.

Post # 6
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think you need to adjust your perspective. You are saying things like you think your one maid is intentionally trying to overshadow you and that “most” Saturdays are already booked, when in reality only 2 of 7 are booked, which is hardly “most”. Basically, the problems you’ve identified may only exist in your head.

Bachelorette parties are a bonus, not a requirement. If your maids are not interested in planning one, so be it. Your wedding is also 2 months away, meaning that your bachelorette is probably still a month or so away. It does not take a month to decide on a restaurant and a bar. It takes a week of planning, if that. So at this point in time there is really nothing to be done. It’s your issue that you want it planned right now, not theirs.

Adjust your expectations to be more in line with reality. Your maids are living their own lives. If they get their ish together in time to throw a bachelorette party for you, great. If not, it’s no big deal. You can always plan a girl’s night out some other time.

Post # 7
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@arch_chic23:  Squeaky wheel gets the grease.

I worked at a retail store once and this chick had a birthday coming up. She told EVERYONE. It was a constant topic of conversation to the point that it became annoying. BUT…wouldn’t you know – the day of her birthday someone decorated her little locker, another person brought in a cake and the boss took us out for lunch.

Since then I have realized that people don’t take hints well. If something is important to you MAKE IT KNOWN. I think you might have been asking these girls a little too meekly from the sounds of your post. (I could be wrong). …BUT – if what you tried before wasn’t working – start making some noise. Yes, it feels very self involved at first. It’s weird and probably very unnatural. But until you do – these girls aren’t going to jump up and make this happen.

Get. Louder.

Post # 8
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am sorry to hear about your situation…..

I was in a similar place a few weeks ago.  I was getting fustrated with my bridesmaids (the Maid/Matron of Honor is very helpful and has been assisting me with a ton of other wedding details) for not responding to emails about the bachelorette party (or the bridal shower that my mother was planning and paying for).  I sent emails offering suggestions of things to do, places to eat, assistance with using my hotel points to pay for hotel rooms for those girls that do not live in the area.  In all, I did not receive much of a reponse.  After spending a few days being sad about the whole thing I changed my perspective/attitude.  

My new perspective??  I threw in the towel.  I stopped sending emails with suggestions of things do to, resturants, bars, etc.  I stopped trying to assist in the planning.  I just simply stopped sending any sort of email/text/fb message  about my wedding/bridal shower/bachelorette party, etc.  If it happens, great.  If it doesn’t well there isn’t much I can do about it.  I would rather not have a party then have one where it was thrown together at the last minute and most of the people in attendance do not want to be there. 

Overall, I realized that I am having a lovely shower in a few months along with a nice wedding.  If my girls are not interested/too busy/don’t want to spend the money or time, then there really is nothing I can do……..

Not sure if this helps……..

 

 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@arch_chic23:  

 

I’m sorry this has been dissappointing for you. I understand how you might feel when you look around this site and see that it seems ‘everyone’ has a perfect bachelorette planned for them.

 

First, kudos to your sister for planning what she can (with the day activities). She’s doing her part the best way that she can and trying to show you how special you are.

 

Second, I think there are a few issues here that are making the situation worse (other than the bachelorette planning). For example, the fact that they showed up late to the bridal shower. That would be hurtful for anyone, I feel you on that. I would be disappointed. But maybe you should treat the bachelorette as a ‘clean slate’ and see how it goes.

 

Next, maybe you can drop a hint to your friend who is having their bachelorette on the 1st of June and say: “Wow, this seems like it is going to be so much fun. I would love to have something like this for my bachelorette weekend. Do you have any ideas?”. I think you’re just going to have to be direct.

 

Lastly, I found out that 3/6 of my bridesmaids can’t make it to my bachelorette but I know that that has nothing to do with how much I matter to them, they truly can’t be there and it’s hard to coordinate a weekend with adults who have jobs and lives. They too havn’t been responsive and have dropped the ball a bit but that doesn’t change how important they are to me. The people who will be there are going to have a great time and I will feel special because those who will be there are a selection of the people who I love most.

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Priestley-Savidge House

A bridal shower and bachelorette party is definitely an obligation of the party (especially the MOH). Don’t feel bad. They know that when they agree to be a part of your party. It’s your wedding. Expect nothing but th best. You deserve it! 

Post # 11
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Bridesmaids for get what the role of bein a bridesmaid is! It is to help the bride with the planning and preperations of her big day. EVERYTHING! Not just the bits they choose to help with. I do find it wrong that your Bridesmaid or Best Man is having her bachelorette during your wedding month. You should speak with her!

Also, what I am doing is, those Bridesmaid or Best Man who DON’T help with planning the bachelorette won’t be invited! Why should they get all the benefits of someone elses hard work?

Some Bridesmaid or Best Man think they have a right to over shadow and be demanding but they need to be put back in their place. It is NOT their wedding!

Good luck! x

Post # 12
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

A bridal party and a bachelorette is alot of events and not to to meantion expense and thats without the wedding. Im a b2b here in the uk we have one party a hen party that is it. I think your expections are two high people dont always have the money especially if they are paying for travel accomdation and for their bridesmaid dresses. People may have work or family commitments that most come first. I dont believe a bm should have to help you plan everything its great If she does but your wedding is a day not a list of loads of events. 

Post # 13
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

A bridal party and a bachelorette is alot of events and not to to meantion expense and thats without the wedding. Im a b2b here in the uk we have one party a hen party that is it. I think your expections are two high people dont always have the money especially if they are paying for travel accomdation and for their bridesmaid dresses. People may have work or family commitments that most come first. I dont believe a bm should have to help you plan everything its great If she does but your wedding is a day not a list of loads of events. 

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