(Closed) Bridesmaid Issues…Help!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@TheSparkleGirl:  Hmmm, what first came to mind was that maybe she was looking for an out? She seems to have other priorities that are higher than your wedding (which is totally understandable). I would personally give her the option. I did this with one of my bridesmaids. Her Boyfriend or Best Friend was talking to me about how they were “broke” so we went out for dinner one night, just her and I, and I said “Look, something A said has been on my mind–I don’t want to put you in debt or any hardships because of my one day–so I’m going to give you an out now. There won’t be ANY hard feelings between us, and I would still love if you could participate in whatever you could afford/wanted to”. She told me I was crazy and of course she was going to be in my wedding so I could take that idea and shove it, hahaha.  

Maybe you could say something simlar? Like, “I know X, Y and Z have been stressing you out lately, and I don’t want to put any more on your plate, so if you need to prioritize, I totally understand if you don’t want to be a part of the wedding party–I won’t be mad at all–and I would really like if you could still come to my bachelorette/party/whatever”.

Post # 4
8816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

call her on the phone, speak to her and ask her if it is going to be a problem to get the dress.

Post # 5
2508 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would speak to her and asks if she has a problem getting the dress.  If she says no, I would say that you need to schedule your dress appointment and tell her the date, and if she is not there she will just have to order the dress everyone else picks from the shop at her own convenience.  If she doesn’t order, she isn’t a bm.  

Post # 6
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Yep. Speak to her. I’d be honest and just say, “Hey, could just be me, but it seems like you’re not that into the dress thing. I just wanted to make sure everything’s all right, and let you know that if for some reason you need an out, no worries! Just let me know!”

I dunno, something *like* that.

Post # 7
963 posts
Busy bee

@TheSparkleGirl:  I can kind of relate and it sucks. I would not cancel the appointment again, and tell her that you’re sorry it didn’t work out. If it were important to her, she would have come up with a different solution to her problem. 

Once you find the dress, all you can do is let her know about it and give her the deadline to order it. If she doesn’t order it on time, then there isn’t much you can do. 

I’m non-confrontational too, and I had a bridesmaid who ignored me, much like you’re describing. She never had specific reasons to blowing me off, just that she was “busy” and I “just don’t understand”. How could I understand if she wouldn’t talk to me?

Anyway, she didn’t come dress shopping, she didn’t give me her opinion on the dress, I ended up having to tell her “this is the dress you’re ordering”.

If you want to give her an out you could try what I did. I had sent my Bridesmaid or Best Man a message asking if she still wanted to be a bridesmaid because I hadn’t talked to her in awhile and she seemed distant. She actually told me still wanted to be one. After a few more months, I got annoyed with her always telling me she was busy so I told her “This is the dress, this is the store, and this is the deadline” after the deadline passed, I had no choice but to tell her she couldn’t be a bridesmaid anymore unless she wanted to pay for rushed services. 

There isn’t much you can do after the dress deadline has passed, so if you don’t want to confront her earlier about your disappointment in her, you can wait until then. If she does order her dress, then you just have to deal with her attitute.

Post # 8
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with the posts above….

Go shopping without her and once selections have been made send her the dress information (price, color, and most importantly the deadline for ordering)

Then the ball is in her court……


Post # 9
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@TheSparkleGirl:  I have a feeling she is upset about not being your Maid/Matron of Honor. Not that you did the wrong thing, but I can see how she might be embarrassed, thinking about how it looks to the outside world. Do people REALLY care? No, but it probably hurt her a bit.

You did a really nice thing by inviting just her to go, but it doesn’t sound like she’s open to mending things like that. You may just have to accept that no matter what you say, or in what way you try to make it up, she’s just going to be a little down about it.

Like the other ladies said, provide her with the information she needs, but other than that it is up to her to come around. If she’s a good and mature friend, she will at least find it in her to be happy for you and comply.

Post # 10
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@TheSparkleGirl:  Who wouldn’t want Luna Lovegood as a MOH? LOL Oh, too cute! Most likely it is a combination. She probably thinks that you HAVE to have her as your moh because you were hers. Of course this is wrong but she may think that way. Also, perhaps she does realize you guys have drifted and therefore isn’t as in to your wedding. Her, from the way you described it, unnecesarily bring up money, could be laying the ground work to say “oh I can’t afford to go to your wedding” down the road. Or she may not be able to, IDK the situation she is in. No matter, you can’t force her obviously. You went out of your way 3 times to include her, you can’t and shouldn’t be expected to do more. IDK how you feel, but since you have already drifted, I say let the friendship die its natural death. If that is not something you want, then try to get together for something non-wedding related. How often do you talk? Is it possible she feels like you didn’t want to hang out until you got engaged and now she feels like you “want” something? Not saying that is the truth at all, just asking if it is a possibility she is thinking that. Good for you for picking the Maid/Matron of Honor you WANT, not the one you think you have to have. People make that mistake and it rarely turns out well

Post # 11
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@californiabride2013: this. Although I’m a very blunt and upfront person so I would go straight to her and ask if she is interested in being in the wedding. If she isnt then offer her an out and no bad feelings. If not, just pick a dress and send her the details and the date in which it needs to be ordered. Seems easy to me…

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