Post # 1
My best friend’s wedding is in March and I’m her Maid/Matron of Honor. Though I live very far away from her, I have made a great effort to help her out. We went dress shopping together, I spend hours on the phone with her planning details, we e-mail back and forth constantly, I helped in planning her bridal shower (the bridesmaids all hosted it together), and I will be there for 2 full weeks before the wedding to help her out. The other 3 bridesmaids all live close to the bride (B), but I had only met 2 of them before the shower a few weeks ago. The 3rd maid (I’ll call her C), seems to resent the fact that I’m Maid/Matron of Honor. Even though I have known B the longest (and neither of the other bridesmaids have a problem with it), she doesn’t like it because I live so far away. She keeps offering to do stuff to help out or she just does stuff and tells us about it afterward, but then she complains about how busy/stressed/exhausted she is! She has said stuff like “Well, I had to have the bridal shower at my clubhouse because you couldn’t host it.” It’s completely obvious that she resents me.
Now I’m planning the bachelorette party and she keeps taking stuff over. She told me that she knows I can’t plan anything because I don’t live there! Plus, she keeps coming up with very expensive ideas (she’s the only bridesmaid who is out of college and has an actual job…). It’s not that I’m ungrateful for her help, but she’s making me feel like I’m incompetent. It doesn’t matter that I live thousands of miles away, I will ask if I need help.
The bride doesn’t know anything about any of this, because I don’t want to add any stress to her life. However, I don’t know what to do about this situation! And, I’m concerned about how she may act once I’m there for the wedding…Any suggestions?
Post # 3
Thank her for her suggestions (and I would use the word “suggestions” rather than “help”.) Then tell her that with the wonders of modern technology like the airplane, phone and Internet, you’ve got it all covered. Then give her a task you don’t care about so much to keep her preoccupied. This way she’ll still feel involved but you still maintain your position as Maid/Matron of Honor. She can only take stuff over if you continue to let her, so don’t. Plan the bachelorette party, be 10 steps ahead of her in your planning and be done with it before she can say willy nilly.
Post # 4
Just try your best to deal with her and don’t involve the bride. You’re right, she’s got too much to think about! I had a bit of drama when planning stuff for my sister’s wedding (her MoH was a bit clueless with some of the stuff) but I didn’t tell my sister because I knew it would just upset her. Take her good suggestions, shrug off her bad ones and try to have fun. You only have a couple of months to go and then your time dealing with her is over!
Post # 5
Update: C is now ignoring all of my message posts, e-mails, and phone calls. Why? Because the bride had a conversation with her and made it clear that I am her Maid/Matron of Honor, and her go-to person. Apparently the bride has been having issues with C too (friendship issues, NWR) and kind of figured out that she was causing me trouble (she lives with another of the bridesmaids…).
I’ve decided to give her the opportunity to be involved, but I will not feel offended if she does not respond, nor will I wait extensively for her agreement to make decisions. I’ll deal with her issues with me in person (when I get down there), if (and only if) I think that her feelings towards me are going to impact the wedding. Other than that, I’m letting it go.
Thanks for the suggestions!
Post # 6
@klutzzy128: WOW! What a relief! That’s right, it would only make sense that her behavior would expound elsewhere, and to the bride herself! That’s a shame. Well, you’re proceeding with poise and respect despite the wackiness. Kudos to you. I hope things continue to be smoother for you from here on out. Have a great time planning. Your friend is lucky to have you as her MOH!