(Closed) Bridesmaid just backed out.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: If you offered to pay for a dress and shoes and the person still said no, would you...
    Assume they didn't want to be in the wedding and replace her w/ another close friend? : (11 votes)
    22 %
    Assume they didn't want to be in the wedding and don't replace her. : (25 votes)
    51 %
    Wait a few months to see if her money situation changes : (7 votes)
    14 %
    Other, please elaborate. :) : (6 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    12621 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would see if she wanted to do another role, like a reading or something, in lieu of being a BM.  But I wouldn’t replace her!

    Post # 5
    Member
    388 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    If she is a good friend, I would invite her to lunch/dinner/drinks, and just ask her plainly.  Try to get to the bottom of it, in a caring and sincere way.  I think it will make you feel better if you know or feel reassured that it is really the issue.  Good luck!

    Post # 6
    Member
    4680 posts
    Honey bee

    I’m obsessed with being even, so I’d replace her but only for that reason. I would take it to mean she doesn’t want to be in the wedding for whatever reason, but she might just be shy and uncomfortable. Talk to her! Take her to lunch or coffee and catch up. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    When do the dresses have to be bought? I would invite her out to lunch the next time you’re home, or even call her for a chat in a few weeks. Just ask her how things are going in general. Be a friend for a while without even talking about the wedding. Then you can offer again because you love her so much. If she still says no, then drop it. But I would approach this as a friend and not a bride.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    170 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    If it were me I’d decline even if you offered to pay. I wouldn’t want to put any extra burden on the bride financially. Weddings are expensive! 

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    3574 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would bet she really does want to be in your wedding, but doesn’t feel right about it if she can’t pay her own way

    Post # 12
    Member
    915 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would ask her straight up (but nicely) that you’ll find a way to cover her dress, etc. but that you understand if there are other reasons she would rather attend as a guest, and that your primary concern is making sure everything is okay with her, not with filling a spot in your wedding (I’m not implying you’re doing that — but I think people like that reassurance). I’ve been in weddings I should have dropped out of but didn’t because I felt like I was too busy to really do anything with the bride, and it just ended up making me feel somewhat resentful toward them. 

    I wouldn’t replace her though! I would feel hurt in your shoes too, but it may have nothing to do with you.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1869 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    TBH she doesn’t sound like she wants to be in the wedding. And it sounds like she wants to avoid the topic by getting off the phone pretty quick. If I were uryour I would tell her that you’re a little hurt about her not wanting to be in the wedding, especially cause you offered to pay for her stuff. See what she says. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    237 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Ask her……………point blank, do you wanna do this?

    Post # 15
    Member
    257 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    It may not be that she doesn’t want to be in the wedding. Is she a prideful person? It may bother her that she is not able to pay for herself, and she feels badly that you would have to spend money on her that she thinks you don’t have on your day

    Post # 16
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Next time you see her in person, I think you should express how much you want her there and that it isn’t a problem to pay for her dress, etc. She may be saying no just to be polite, or she may really not be interested. Figure it out and move from there.

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