(Closed) Bridesmaid just had baby

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I know when my friend first had a baby she was always really tired and just wanted to sleep. Since she has blown you off more than once maybe reevaluate whether or not you still want her to be in your wedding. If so sit and have a heart to heart with her at her house and ask if she still wants to be in the wedding, but give her an out incase she really is too busy or exhausted.

Post # 4
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

That’s a tough one… how old is the baby?  And does she have someone who can watch the baby?

Post # 6
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Is she still nursing?  Having a baby is a LOT for someone to handle.  Maybe she’s exhausted … or not comfortable with her post-baby body yet to try on dresses … or can’t leave it for long because of nursing.  A month isn’t that long for her to get used to her new routine, and I’m sorry but your wedding will take a back seat to her new little person.

Your wedding is a long way off and you have more than enough time for dresses and things.  Give her some time.  Her having a baby is no reason to ask her to step down!!

Deep breathe, your wedding is more than a year away!  You dont even need to order bmaid dresses until this time next year … or later!

Post # 7
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Is there a reason you need to get the dresses right now? I see that you are getting married in Oct 2011 can you wait a few months until the baby is older. She is going through a lot of life changes right now and she probably doesn’t want to leave the baby yet!

Your wedding is still quite far away and I am sure she does want to be there for you and help you out but rushing her to do it so early right after having a baby might not be the best idea.

Post # 8
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Did I mention one of my maids had a baby a month ago too?

Post # 9
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ditto with previous posts…Why are you shopping so early?? I’m getting married this October and haven’t started to look yet!!  Your girls may change sizes, and there is a good chance you will change your mind on the dress and/or color!!!!!  Honestly, if I had a one month old, I would be a little annoyed if my friend was bothering me to look for dresses now for a wedding next fall!!!!!  Let her enjoy her little one and her weekends with her husband!

Post # 10
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with the posters above. Having a baby is definitely something that is VERY difficult to get used to. Especially b/c you have to take care of this new life that is completely dependent on you. You don’t have any time to run your errands while you are with the baby, so that’s probably why she needs her time on Saturday when her husband has time off. She needs a little time to herself and to just get out of the house. She’s most likely sleep deprived and emotional (her hormone levels are just starting to get back to normal).

Definitely give her a bit of a break. My SIL used to go to her mom’s house just to get some sleep while her mom watched the baby for her…that’s how exhausted she was from my niece. Having a baby is a lot harder than a lot of people who don’t have kids think. I have yet to experience it, but I’ve seen it first hand with my SIL. And a girl next to me at work just got back from maternity leave. She said the first 6 weeks after her baby was born was a very dark time in her life. She just couldn’t get sleep, couldn’t get him to stop crying and her emotions were all over the place. So definitely give her a little bit of a break and let her get used to her new little one.

Post # 11
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I really agree with what others have said here. An hour doesn’t seem much — but if you’re only a month or two out from giving birth, it’s a big ask. She’s probably exhausted, her hormones are still absolutely crazy and playing havoc with her emotions, and there is the possibility of post-natal depression as well. Her body hasn’t recovered and chances are she is a bit apprehensive about how much it will recover and what sort of dress she’ll be comfortable wearing.

Even if it’s not her first baby, it’s a really tough time — and as you’ve got no looming deadlines (my wedding is a year and a week before yours and I haven’t ordered bridesmaids’ dresses yet) — I’d put this on hold for a couple of months.

Think of it this way — Saturday is her ONLY day off. The only day she can catch up on all the things she needs to do for the entire week. With friends of mine, that included washing their hair and doing the laundry as well as trying to catch up on some sleep, do the groceries, buy stuff for herself and her child, etc. 

Try to put yourself in her position. She gave birth a month ago, and she’s almost certainly a physical and emotional wreck, even if she hasn’t said so openly. And she’s getting pressure from you to go and look at dresses for a wedding that’s a year and a half away. She could be forgiven for feeling like you’re more interested in her as your bridesmaid than her as your friend who may be having a tough time. I’m sure that’s not how you mean it — but that’s definitely how it might come across.

Post # 13
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@FutureMrsChane, I think what people are trying to say is that this probably isn’t a great time for her to be making decisions about whether she wants to be in the wedding or not.

I am totally with you on wanting to look at dresses — I was sad when circumstances meant I couldn’t go out looking with my girls right away. But it’s probably not the right time for her to look at dresses.

I’d give her a couple of months then reevaluate and, if she’s still not engaging with the wedding, then have a conversation with her about it. Chances are she’ll be in a much more settled place by then — and if she wants to pull out, she’ll know it for sure, rather than being uncertain and overwhelmed like she may be right now.

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

FutureMrsChaney, I don’t think anyone was accusing you of being heartless or a “nut job.”  I get that you’re really excited and you think you’ve found just what you want and you’d like to go shopping now because it’s fun!  But I know my good friend who had a baby last year said she didn’t go shopping for 6 months afterwards, partly because she was still getting used to her new body, and partly because she was nursing and sometimes her boobs leaked and she didn’t want that to happen while she was wearing clothes she didn’t own.

So I think what people are saying is that your friend’s reluctance to go shopping with you doesn’t mean she’s not interested in the wedding or that she doesn’t want to be your bridesmaid.  Being a new mom is a big transition, and an hour of her time may feel like an impossible request right now.  If she’s still acting completely uninterested a year from now, that’s a different thing.  But right now, given that she’s got an infant at home and your wedding is almost two years away, I think you can afford to be a little patient with her.

Post # 15
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Honestly, I can see where she’s coming from. It must be very overwhelming right now being a new Mom and her husband only gets one day off a week. She probably has so many errands piling up that are sooo much easier to do without a baby in tow and only 1 day to do them! Why can’t you guys bring the little on Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping? He will sleep the whole time anyway. That way it won’t infringe upon her precious free time or put the husband out too much.

Post # 16
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree…I was posting to sort of explain what she’s going through at the moment. I think it’s awesome that you’re a planner and want to get things done, but unless the dress is going to be discontinued in a few week, definitely cut her a little slack. She’s just going through a very big life changing event. I absolutely think she still wants to be in your wedding…I just don’t think she has a lot of time right at this moment to give you an hour to look at bridesmaid dresses with you.

Rather than making a decision now or giving her an “out,” let her know that you understand that she’s going through a lot at the moment with the new baby, and when things settle down for her, you’d love to see how a dress looks on her in the next few months.

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