Post # 1
My one bridesmaid has been acting weird around my fiancé since we got engaged (Over a year ago). I finally had enough of it and asked her what was wrong. She told me my fiancé is rude, arrogant and fake. All of which I have never heard about him before or has even been hinted to me from anyone. I spoke with my mom, thinking that maybe I was just blind to it. She was in shock and didn’t agree. It’s just a big mess and I’m not sure how to fix things. my fiancé offered to speak with my friend, but I was hoping he wouldn’t have to get in the middle of things. Any thoughts on how to work through this drama? Should I be getting her to step down, if she can’t stand behind us as couple and our union?
Post # 2
tassie.m: Its possible she sees something you/your family dont see. Its also possible she just doesnt like him. I know extremely arrogant, fake, rude people that are happily married. I personally would never marry them, I actually avoid them at all costs. But clearly it works for some people. At the end of the day YOU are the one marrying him and if you do not see these things in him then its just her opinion.
As far as working through it I would sugget having a heart to heart with her about it. She may not like the guy, but that doesnt mean she doesnt support the marriage. My best friend is marrying someone who is a total pushover and boring as hell but I still support their marriage. I just dont really like the guy. If she does say that she doesnt support it I would ask for her to step down (as damaging to your friendship as that may be) but i would prefer that over someone who truely didnt want to be there.
Post # 3
I would definitely not want my only (or any) bridesmaids to hate the groom and be awkward around him! I would have no problem asking her to step down.
Post # 4
Not everyone gets along with everyone. And they don’t have to. Ask her for a couple examples of your Fi being rude or arrogant, even better if all three of you sit down together, clear the air. It might be simple miscommunication but if it’s a personality clash then that’s just part of life. If you ask her to step down, that will end the friendship. Be prepared that’s the outcome you want if you’re going to take that step.
Post # 5
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
I lost a dear friend from Jr High School (we are 45) over my fiancé a year ago. She let it be known that she didn’t have the “luxury of being a kept woman” like I did. I chose my love over her jealousy. In my defense I worked 20 hours a week then and both my girls are special needs. I am proud to say my Love makes enough for me to not work so I can concentrate on me and our family. She wasn’t worth the draining on my energy. I love and miss her but she is my past. A friend should only be supported and tell us when we have a problem that we don’t see.
Post # 6
I would first try to have a heart-to-heart with your friend about it where you ask for examples of this behavior and try to figure out her perspective. I wouldn’t bring your FI to the meeting….he doesn’t deserve to be in the middle, and she’s more likely to be open when he’s not there.
If her examples are truly ridiculous or she just continues to have a bad attitude for no reason, however, I would ask her to step down. I know that not everyone gets along and there’s no reason to expect your bridesmaids to like your FI as much as you and your family do, but if my bridesmaid said she hates the man I love and am about the marry and she can’t give examples of why or show an effort to see a better light in him, that friendship is probably over. It’s just that my future husband is the single most important person in my life, even over long-time friends.
Post # 7
tassie.m: How much interaction has she had with him? It’s possible, if they’ve only interacted a few times, that he may have just given her a bad initial impression. I know that sometimes people think I’m rude or snobby that I don’t like them when I first meet them, but it’s just because I’m kind of shy and socially awkward in certain situations. It’s also possible that she just doesn’t like him for some other reason and is exaggerating certain slightly rude or arrogant characteristics that he may have. It’s possible that your fiance might have said something to her at some point that came off as rude and since then every interaction between them has been colored by that initial impression. As PPs said, I would ask for specific examples of his “rude” behavior to get to the bottom of why she feels that way. I would have a heart to heart with her and see if she still wants to be a bridemaid and if she can support you, even if she doesn’t like your fiance.
Post # 8
I completely agree with the PP that said “not everyone gets along with everyone” 100%!!
Post # 9
If you’re close to her here’s what I’d do:
I’d definitely have a heart to heart with her without your FI in the most nonjudgmental and open way that you can.
Why? Sometimes it’s a red flag when our loved ones truly dislike our SOs. They might be seeing things that we don’t (as per MrsA1222: response), or they might know stuff that we aren’t privy to for whatever reason. Your friend might know stuff about his past, might actually BE a part of his past, or might JUST be feeling some mixed feelings about your getting married. Whatever the case IF SHE’S A CLOSE FRIEND this warrants some investigating IMHO.
You know your friend more than anyone here so you most likely know if she’s a basket case or if she’s pretty trustworthy. If it’s the former you can ignore it and ask her to step down, but if it’s the latter then listen to her with an open mind.
Post # 10
One thing I would want to know from this person is why they waited so long to tell you this? Is this something they just noticed or felt like this for awhile? I’d talk to her about why she feels this way. I understand where you’re coming from as I’m in a similar situation, and it stinks 🙁 Just remember it’s about you and your fiance in the end 🙂
Post # 11
If I didn’t like my friend’s fiance and they asked mé to be bridesmaid then I wouldn’t do it. I agree that not everyone has to like everyone, just as long as they get along/are respectful and polite.
I would speak to you friend and find out more. If you still feel she isn’t supportive then I would ask her to step down.
Post # 12
I’ve had several talks with her now. It appears she didn’t tell me sooner because she was afraid of hurting me. Things are still awkward but are marginally better. A lot of it seems to be what my fiancé looks at as a joke, she looks at as him being serious. A lot of misunderstandings and miscommunications! I pray things get better with time! Thank you all for your help!