- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
When I was 15 years old, my daddy (who I was very close to) hung himself in the basement of our house. My best friend and I were not speaking at the time, but when she found out, she came to the funeral. She would always say things like, “I’m here for you” but we would always end up talking about her boy troubles. Which I was okay with, because I didn’t wanna talk about it too much for fear of having a mental breakdown. So I focused on helping her with everything she needed, whenever she needed.
Fast forward, it’s almost four years later, and I’m getting married. I asked her to be a bridesmaid (my sister is my MOH). She agreed and we were great for a while. But for the past few months, her daddy has been having heart problems. I, being the emotional wreck I am when it comes to sick daddys, try to plan my wedding party events (fun bridesmaids photoshoots, etc.) around her schedule and make things as easy as possible for her.
I planned a photoshoot for this weekend, and I let everyone know a month ahead of time so they could take off work and things like that. She backed out last minute. Previously, I asked her to come with me to pick out her bridesmaid dress, and she agreed but also backed out last minute. I try to plan girl time for us, no wedding stuff or anything, and she ignores my calls or is out with other friends. When she is stuck at home, she begs me to come over and keep her company and I almost find a way, even though I was in a severe car accident a few months ago and have no reliable means of transportation at the moment. She has a working vehicle. She refuses to drive 20 minutes to my house, but expects me to do it for her and only when she has nothing else to do, or is bored.
I have tried to be as understanding as I possibly can be with her and her situation, I went through a terrible ordeal when I lost my dad as well. My problem is that I never once used my daddy’s death as an excuse when she would ask me to do things with her. But lately I ask her to do things with me, wedding and non-wedding related things, and she uses her dad as an excuse. What’s funny is that not ten minutes after I asked her to go dress shopping with me, she gave me the dad excuse and pictures of her out with other friends start popping up on facebook. Or she checks into places on facebook and posts statuses about what fun she’s having. She did this to me again today and I told her: “No hard feelings or anything and I love you dearly. But I know you’re going through alot right now and don’t have time for me-and that’s okay. But I feel like I’m not getting anywhere and I know you’re busy but I need to know if you can handle it I always give you a month’s advance for wedding events and you always agree to it but then back out the day before. I understand if you don’t want this loaded onto your plate as well, and I still want you to be there on my wedding day. She replied back: “Look Mandy my dad isnt healthy right now I work thirteen and a half hour shifts and I don’t have time What the heck do you want me to do?”
I don’t understand her. I’m not pressuring her. I want her to be happy and I’m trying to be sympathetic and here for her, but it’s hard when she’s pushing me away. I felt bad for adding more to her load. She will not cooperate with anything or anyone. She will not participate, and it is now TWO MONTHS before my wedding and she still will not cooperate with finding a dress, because her dad isn’t healthy. I never used that as an excuse when my dad died! When she constantly borrowed money from me even though what was left of my family was struggling! Or when she moved in with us when her parents kicked her out even though we had to move out of our house and into a hotel! I feel taken advantage of and hurt. And when I try to talk to her about it, she tells me that I’m being selfish and that the world doesn’t revolve around me. I do not feel like I’ve made it to be that way all, I feel like it’s the other way around. I feel like she expects me to always be at her beck and call but when I need her she isn’t anywhere to be found.
What do you guys think?
Should I just let go of this friendship?
Should I find another bridesmaid?