Post # 1
So one of my bridesmaids keeps getting mad at me for only having a cash registry for my wedding. I told her countless times not to feel obligated to get me a wedding gift but if she really wants to get me something and she’s opposed to cash, there are a few things I really need and i told her what they are. Also for my bridal shower she kept whining until I finally agreed to choose the location and date she wanted, made me pay for a good chunk of it (even though all my other bridesmaids were against it) and didn’t get me a shower gift because I only had a cash registry and not a gift registry. So I guess a part of me doesn’t want to give in every time she gets mad at me. Also, I come from a family where we generally don’t set up gift registries for weddings or baby showers and she knows that, plus she wasn’t opposed to receiving cash for her own wedding. I appreciate the fact that she’s being generous and wants to get me something but in the end if she doesn’t give me anything, that’s fine. I just don’t get why she keeps getting mad at me about it. She says it’s rude but I don’t see how I’m being rude by not setting one up. Any bees out there think it’s rude? If so, I’d like to know why. Should I set one up just for my friend or just hope she’ll get over it? Thanks!
Post # 3
Are you publicly asking for cash or are you just hoping a lack of gift registry will prompt people to give you cash? If you’re actually asking for cash, yep I think its rude. General consensus on this board is the same. Some people aren’t comfortable with giving cash so I think it’s smart to have a registry, even if it just has a few items on it.
Post # 4
If you’re just not having a registry in hopes that people will take the hint and get you cash, not rude.
If you’re outright asking for cash, yes it’s rude. You really shouldn’t dictate a gift.
Post # 5
I just don’t understand how an individual is not comfortable giving cash ? It’s a wedding, the couple is getting married, they need cash, they want cash, they can use cash.
I guess being Eastern European and Armenian, I am used to giving money to people for birthdays, anniversary’s, baptism’s, and especially weddings.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
However, if you have a shower, you should be expecting actual gifts since showers are events designed around giving gifts, so I think it would be reasonable for people to expect you to have registered for that. Usually people who don’t want gifts don’t have a shower.
Post # 7
Maybe just have the shower for gifts, then the wedding for a cash donation? Like don’t go put it on the invitation of anything that you just want cash, but maybe tell your family and bridal party, and they can spread the word, so when someone from Out of Town or an distant aunt goes and askes the maid of honor where the registry is, they can politely tell them? This seems polite and not outright asking for cash.
I personally hate giving cash as a gift… haha, I hate doing it, and I don’t even know why! I’d even much rather give gift cards.
But oddly enough, I love getting cash gifts. I’m having a wedding registry, but secretly hoping for cash gifts. But you can always bring back the gifts, right??
Post # 8
Both of you are being rude. The purpose of a shower is to give the bride physical gifts. And it’s never appropriate or polite to ask for cash outright. As PPs have said, you can not make a registry and hope people take the hint, but if you do that then you need to also decline all showers.
Post # 9
As a former (but very recently) broke college student, I know I’d rather give a physical gift. Sometimes I find stuff on sale or use my Macy’s card to get an extra discount and I’m able to give a larger physical gift that I’d be able to give in cash. Or maybe they’re not comfortable because they think its rude too. You shouldn’t dictate what they should give you, or that they should give you anything at all.
ETA: I don’t think any of us would be disappointed with cash, but I’d appreciate a physical gift just as much.
Post # 10
Yep. I’d find it rude. I prefer to give physical gifts or use a honeymoon registry for the shower. I give cash at the wedding only.
Post # 11
That is what I wanted to do but I was told it was rude so I made a registry even though I don’t need anything really and it mostly has expensive stysff on it anyway since thats what my needs are… I tried to add some cheaper things but .. yeah it was a pain!
Post # 12
I didn’t register and now I’m being forced into registering because of my in laws and I now know exactly why I didn’t. I HATE it.
However I agree with KatyElle. If you didn’t register so people would give you cash, fine. If you registered cash only registry, not so fine.
Post # 13
Where I grew up you bring a physical gift to showers and cash/check to the wedding. If you didn’t want physical gifts, your shower became a ‘lingerie shower’ and people just brought you lingerie (the assumption being that while you might not need any new home goods, you can always use some new lingerie and that it won’t take up space like 10 new blenders would). Cash for a shower would definitely make me feel somewhat uncomfortable.
I should say this…even if you don’t register, people will still buy physical gifts. Just like how even if you do register a few people will buy something not on the registry (this is how I ended up with FOUR Tiffany water pitchers I don’t ever plan to use)
Post # 14
Thanks for all your comments. I want to clarify the cash registry is actually a honeymoon registry and it was intended as a wedding registry, not a shower registry. I never outright asked for cash or included my registry on any invitations. I just mention it only if people ask where I am registered. As for the bridal shower, I didn’t register separately for any gifts because I didn’t want my friends to feel obligated to bring a gift but wanted to have one since it’s rare that I get to spend time with all the girls at once. Most of my friends gave me lingerie anyway with the exception of my bridesmaid who was upset at my honeymoon/cash registry. But with the shower behind us, the thing is now my friend is mad that I still only have the one cash registry for my wedding.
Post # 15
@karineh: Culturally that’s what I’m used to. Friends and family always just gave cash for birthdays, weddings, showers, etc so if a couple mentions they want cash, I’ll give them cash over a physical gift.
@silkspectre94: LOL! I love your comment about how you hate giving cash but love receiving it. This particular friend I’m talking about loved getting cash for her bridal shower, wedding, and baby shower. But now that it’s my turn, it’s apparently a huge no-no. Haha! I did hear Bed Bath and Beyond lets you return wedding registry gifts for cash. 🙂
Post # 16
Etiquette dictates that requesting cash openly is in fact uncouth, however if we’re playing according to Emily Post so is telling people where you registered…..so how does anyone find out what the hell you want? It’s fine, you don’t want a toaster you want cash, ask for it, but be prepared for some raised eyebrows from guest outside your family circle.