(Closed) Bridesmaid letting me down…should I remove her from the wedding? (Sorry, Long)

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I remove her from the wedding party?

    Yep. Remove her from the wedding. She should at least be a friend to you if not a good bridesmaid.

    No! You're just expecting too much. You should give her a chance and confront her about this first!

    Other. Please tell me!

  • Post # 3
    Member
    666 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Sounds like you should try talking to her about it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wouldn’t kick her out, but I’d talk to her about what’s going on and give her the opportunity to step down.

    Sorry this is happening to you! Good luck!

    Post # 5
    Member
    4460 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    What are you expecting her to do? Why does she need a hotel for two nights? Are you best friends or just friends? How close is she to the friend she is planning a b-party on the same night as yours?

    Bridesmaids aren’t there to help you plan your wedding or help with any DIY projects that you choose to do. It’s nice when they do, but it’s not required.

    What are your expectations for your bridal party? You have to remember that your wedding isn’t at the top of their list every day.

    If you kick her out, be prepared to lose a friendship.

    Post # 6
    Member
    131 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think talking to her first would be the best move. How close were the two of you before recently? Has she had some life changes? It sounds like you are more concerned about the friendship moreso than the activities involving being a bridesmaid. Work on the friendship first, and I think everything else will fall into place.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Jenniferk6: i agree!

    you’re being super accomodating, it’s pretty sad that she can’t act like a friend and has to be a headache every step of the way. i’d just come out an ask her if she even wants to be in the bridal party, because her actions are saying otherwise, and put the decision on her.

    Post # 9
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Miss Tattoo: i think thats completly the point of a bridesmaid otherwise whats the point in having anyone stand with you if there not going to help. Ive been in 4 weddings and always help with everything.

    Post # 10
    Member
    43 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I totally understand why you are hurt and frustrated, I would be too.

    I wouldn’t kick her out (yet), but would tell her how you feel. That you totally understand where she is coming from but that you have really been trying to make costs easier on her. Also the reason people are asked to be in a wedding is because there are costs invovled, not everyone can afford it. Tell her you’d really like her to be in the wedding party but if its financially too much tell her she can have an out? Maybe thats a good option.

    I would also be honest about the bachelorette issue….I’d say your hurt shes not there for you especially since she is in your wedding. I’m not sure how much notice shes had about it but you said she was helping in the planning of yours..how could she not realize it was the same night as this other one? That is very hurtful and I would tell her that in a nice way.

    After that, I’d see how it goes. Since she is complaining so much, I’d ask her if shes willling to finish out her responsibility.

    Post # 11
    Member
    73 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    i probably wouldnt kick her out..yet! i have a bridesmaid that was acting like that! well two really but one was worse than the other. i think it was jealousy. i said something to her when she complained about something…it was something like “well to be honest it seems like you’re not interested in being a part of my wedding, which if you can’t afford it or just have to much going on right now, or whatever, i would totally understand if you just couldnt do it.  we’ve been good friends for a while and i would love to have you as a bridesmaid but i understand if its not something you want to do. i just need to know” and after that nothing really changed for a little bit but recently shes been getting really excited about the wedding stuff and wanting to participate. so had the other one. i think its just cuz its getting closer. but idk maybe just try talking to her first!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1392 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My Maid/Matron of Honor is really disappointing me.   To the point where I really wish that I had chosen my other Bridesmaid or Best Man as the Maid/Matron of Honor.   She is supposed to make my cake, and I am tempted to get someone else to do it.   But, I know I would regret it if I booted her out since she has been a friend since childhood.

    I’m one for minimal drama though.

    Post # 13
    Member
    719 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    @Miss Tattoo: You pretty much said exactly what my thoughts are. It is NICE if the BMs want to help but not required. Infact despite the lack of official duties ALL members of the wedding party must be allowed a + one, it is up to the bride and groom to pay for their hotel room and you have to give them a Bridal Party gift. A bachelorette party is fun but totally not required.

    Sometimes what SEEMS like an easy idea (pick your dress or hey this fabric in this colour, this length but you pick the style) causes more headaches. My 1st wedding I have my BMs choose their dress style ONLY conditions it had to be black satin, no sleeves(straps thick or thin, halter all fine) and 3inches below the knee. WELL, one calls up and says she can’t wear satin so she is out b/c she thinks she’ll look fat, another calls asking if it can be 2 inches below the knee not 3 b/c she has planned her dress and 2 inches works best for her, another freake db/c she HAS to have sleeves! I have worn bm dresses I hated, these girls had alot of choice but still found reasons to complain.

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