(Closed) Bridesmaid making me hate wedding planning

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 18
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

@Steampunkbride:  This!

Real friends don’t behave this way. Seriously. 

Dump her as a bridesmaid and be strong about it. Tell her you’re not having someone up there who doesn’t support you and you’re tired of her antics. Done.

Post # 19
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@An_idiot_a_bride:  First, welcome!  Second, I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

She’s not your friend.  A real friend would be supportive and excited.  I definitely wouldn’t have her in the wedding – you could invite her if you really want, but I’d stop talking about wedding stuff with her entirely.

Post # 21
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If your other bridesmaids walk because your asked this horrible friend to step down then I’m sorry – you have a BUNCH of crappy friends. It’s better to go on without people like that in your life.

She’s not doing her job as a bridesmaid – standing up for your marriage.
That’s ALL she needs to do, and she can’t even do that for you!

And PS, obviously stop talking to her about your wedding.

Post # 22
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

First, draft an email to your other bridesmaids. Don’t bad mouth her, even say how you care about her and how she is good in other circumstamces, but clearly explain how she was out of line with her constantly putting you and your Fiance down, and not supporting your relationship. Say you could not have a bridesmaid who did not support your marriage, who repeatedly told you you were marrying the wrong man – bridesmaids are their to support your wedding – but that you hope she and you will remain friends bc it isn’t personal against her (even though with how she has acted, I wouldn’t want to be friends after, if you are as diplomatic as possible it will be harder for her to make drama.) Ask them to call you if this raises any concerns for them, that you are happy to talk to them about that. You’ll have to walk a fine line with the email, it would take me a while to get right, which is why I say to draft it first. Have it ready to send the minute you talk to her, so she cannot poison your other bm’s ears before they hear from you. Talk to her, ask her to step down, then email the other bridesmaids immediately. Good luck!

Post # 23
Hostess
2683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow. She doesn’t sound like a friend at all. And no matter what, if someone has really valid concerns about their friend/family member getting married, they get exactly ONE time to bring it up. ONCE. A la “I’m only going to say this once and then I’m never going to bring it up again. But have you thought about X?” OR “I’ve noticed that you’re more like X now, is this what you want?”

One of my friends just got married and a lot of our friends were kind of jerks about it all. But you know what? (Well, for one she’s happy and while I wouldn’t marry him they’re actually great together) Even if it ends, it’s not the end of the world. Our friend could pick up the pieces and move on. Hell, I’m a Maid/Matron of Honor in an upcoming that already shows a lot of problems in the relationship. I said something once, and I advocate for premarital counselling. But thats it. I don’t talk mad crap about her behind her back,make a point to say mean things, or bash her because I LOVE her and it’s her life. 

Good luck. I think you’re totally within your realm to give her the boot. Just say “You’ve made it pretty clear that you think this is a bad idea, and that’s ok. But I’m also uncomfortable having someone standing next to me while I take my vows that doesn’t support my marriage.” After all, that’s literally what BMs are for.

Post # 24
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

It sounds like your friend is acting out cos deep down she might be jealous that you found love and she didn’t. 

Post # 25
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@An_idiot_a_bride:  If she can’t support you, then she doesn’t need to be in your wedding. She doesn’t even need to be a guest. Wedding planning is stressful enough without chicks clucking their jealousy into others ears. Like someone said already “dump the bitch.”

Post # 26
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I would remove this person the bridal party ASAP. Not only that, but get them out of your life… toxic people need to go! This should be a positive event for you. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people, not only for your wedding but in the rest of your life too…

Post # 29
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m so sorry you’re going through this!!! Your friend should be happy for you but some people just have a personal vandetta. She sounds more like a friendemy. Ditch her

Post # 30
Member
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Oh my god dump her immediately. There’s still plenty of time before your wedding, by next April shell be a distant memory. You only get this process once- don’t ruin it by choosing to trust the wrong people 

ETA: don’t do it via email. A call or voicemail will do- you do not need to be around her drama and drag it out. “Hi bm dont worry about being apart of the wedding party. I havent been able to get a hold of you so Im betting this is better for you too. Thanks anyway”

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