Post # 1
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
I contacted a friend back in Jan. when I was arranging the bridal party and she agreed to be a bridesmaid. She is one of those friends that you can not talk to for years and then pick up right where you left off. Before asking her to be in my bridal party, the last time we talked was 3 months prior. However, I haven’t heard from her since – not a text, not an email, not a FB message. My girls are choosing their own dresses and, quite frankly, if she doesn’t communicate with me before the wedding it really won’t affect things either way (except I’ll be down one Bridesmaid or Best Man from Fiance and she’ll be in the program, even if she is not present). However, being about 6 weeks away from the wedding, it would SURE be nice to hear SOMETHING.
Bah. It’s a good thing that there isn’t much about this wedding I’m allowing myself to stress about!
Post # 3
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
Honestly, I don’t understand why brides expect friends’ behavior to change once they have asked them to be in the bridal party. It sounds like this is normal for your relationship. Is there something you need to talk to her about? Does she have her dress? Have you called her?
I understand you might be a little worried, but if this is not out of the ordinary, then relax!
Post # 4
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper
You said you haven’t heard from her — have you reached out to her?
Post # 5
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee
Do you mean if she doesn’t communicate with you before the wedding, you’re going to drop her as a BM? I’d be careful doing that… it sounds like it’s just her way not to communicate much, and she probably just doesn’t think that she needs to be communicating with you about anything. If she said she’d be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, then I’m sure she’s expecting to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
I’d probably just drop her an email to say hi, and you can’t wait for the wedding.
Post # 6
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
@stillme: Whoa whoa whoa. I never said I was going to drop her as a bridesmaid!
@Gemstone: Yes, on multiple occasions.
@aliavenue: I think brides expect their friend’s behavior to change after asking them to be a bridesmaid because you have things that need to be accomplished. I do have something I would like to discuss with her (logistics, hotel reservations, if she plans on bringing a guest), and when you need answers to questions and you can’t get them its frustrating.
Nonetheless, I stated that I would be fine either way. It’s just stinky when you want to talk to your friends but you can’t get a reply. No?
Post # 7
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
If you have a wedding web site with accommodation info, and she knows your expectation for attire, then she has no reason to contact you if that isn’t her style. No, brides should not expect their friends to change communication styles just because they are in your wedding.
Post # 8
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t think the OP is implying her bridesmaid needs to change communications styles or be at her beck and call or anything like that. I thinks she’s tried to reach out to her and has not heard back and she’s concerned because decisions need to be made and things need to get done. No, BMs don’t have to do much more than “wear the dress, show up on time and sober and stand there” but they DO need to be available to get the dang dress!
Post # 9
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper
@aliavenue: Argh. That stinks. Are any other BMs friends with her?
Post # 10
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
@futuremrsfitz18: Is not communicating a communication style? I’m not asking her to answer her phone right away or respond immediately. I’m just asking for her to respond. Is that too much? And, as far as not having a reason to contact me, I’ve given her several – although I haven’t pushed anything past an individual phone call or text for each item of concern.
Post # 11
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
@Gemstone: Not really. They know of her, but were never close to her like I was. Honestly, I’m not too worried about it because, as PPs said, all she has to do is show up. I’m just hoping that is what she is planning on doing!
Post # 12
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper
I think she definitely has reason to return your calls/messages. All things wedding-related aside, she’s one of your closest friends (hence, being a bridesmaids) and that alone should mean that she contacts you from time to time.
Post # 13
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper
@aliavenue: Well, bless your heart. You’re a much more chill bride than many! 🙂 Here’s to hoping you hear from her before your big day!
Post # 14
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
Ok, I understand. From what I got from your OP, I thought you were angry that she hasn’t reached out to you, but didn’t realize you’d been trying to get in touch with her. That is definitely frustrating. Have you tried calling her about non-wedding related things?
Good luck! Maybe she thinks that since you’re a laid back person, its ok that she doesn’t return your calls?
Post # 15
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
@futuremrsfitz18: I sure hope so! 🙂
Post # 16
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
My sister is going through this right now, but the roles are reversed.
Her friend is marrying a guy my sister hasn’t even met. They speak very infrequently and truthfully, my sister isn’t head over heels for her, but they do get along and meet up infrequently, sometimes talk on the phone. The girl asked my sister to be her Bridesmaid or Best Man and my sister can’t really say no, so she said yes (I told her that was a mistake).
They didn’t stay in touch and my sister hadn’t heard from her in months. And the bride hasn’t discussed wanting to get together for plans, etc. either. The wedding is coming up and my sister is confused but actually could also care less as well.
Basically this is all based on horrible communication on both ends. If this girl isn’t returning your phone calls or emails, its safe to say she is dodging you for whatever reason (maybe she doesn’t have the balls to say it was a mistake and she can’t, just like my sister).