(Closed) Bridesmaid might not come to the wedding…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hmm, this exact thing hasn’t happened but I congratulate you on understanding. One of my BMs lives in the UK, and wasn’t sure if she could come to the shower/bach party and I was totally cool with it. She ended up being able to come which was awesome, but I’m hopeful that I would be just as understanding if a Bridesmaid or Best Man moved far away and couldn’t afford a ridiculously high cost to get to the wedding. 

Post # 4
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Good for you for being ok with it.  I’m sure she feels terrible about potentially missing such a special day, but $4000 is a ton of money just for a plane ticket even if she had a year of advanced notice.  

She may be able to sign up for fare alerts with some of the travel sites.  You can put in your trip and they will email you when the prices drop.  Something to think about.  That may be tough though being so close to Thanksgiving since that is such a busy travel time (at least for Americans).  


Post # 5
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you are not odd, but reasonable. For that much money I would not expect anyone to come. And I would be willing to bet that when she accepted the position she either did not know she would be there or the price of tickets. Life happens.

Post # 6
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Sarahbear:  Nah, you don’t have to be upset.  I have been very relaxed with mine, and my guests.  If you can make it, awesome, if you can’t – we’ll think of you fondly as we’re having a blast.  Why cover the history of your friendship?  It sounds like she, too, is on a new path in her life.  Be excited for each other.  🙂

Post # 7
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think you SHOULD be “not ok with it”, bravo to you for being an understanding adult and recognizing your wedding will go on with or without her there. I’m sure you’ll still miss her!

Post # 8
3696 posts
Sugar bee

I think you win the Chill Bride Award for Outstanding Relaxation and Graciousness in the Face of … Reality. Tongue Out

Post # 9
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it is wonderful that you’re understanding about the situation.  It’s encouraging to see a friendship strong enough that you are able to think “I love her and want her there, but I understand she can’t make it, and she would be there if she could.”  Good for you.  🙂  For both of you, it sounds like a great friendship.

Post # 10
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I think you’re being a fantastic friend. 🙂

One of my girlfriends couldn’t find a reasonably priced flight, and won’t be able to come to our wedding. I had gotten two FB messages about how she was having trouble finding an affordable flight, and I called her to give her an “out”- she started to cry, and she felt horrible- I told her I don’t want my wedding to be a financial hardship for her. Who wants their wedding to be something that puts a friend in debt? Not me.

Post # 11
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Well I applaude you for being ok with it. This means you are an adult. There is no point in not being ok with something that you cant change. Good for you. She will be there in spirit. 

At one of the weddings that I am planning this year the bride and groom are going to do a live feed of the wedding for those who cannot attend. Have you thought about something like this?

Post # 12
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am english and now live in the US and have travelled back and forth for years at all different times of the year and unless she is travelling first class I cannot understand why her flight would be $4000??  So Yes I think I would be annoyed becuase it seems to me there are some possible ‘excuses’ being said here.  

Or are you in AUS and she is now in UK?  even so I do not beleive that flights cost this amount when booking in advance.  

However, all this being said, I think you are being very compasionate and a wonderful friend about it all and at the end of the day that is what we would all like to think our friends will be in situations like these.  

Post # 13
4 posts
  • Wedding: November 2012

You are so great for understanding!! One of my best friends from college moved back to Kenya a few years after we graduated, and when she got married, I felt AWFUL that I was unable to attend her wedding.  I’m getting married in August, and while it would mean the world to me for her to attend, it really is tough to make those trips!  I will say, though, while the trip is $4,000 for a wedding in December when you look today, most international trips are this ridiculously expensive this far in advance.  Those prices will drop as she gets closer to September.  I’ve noticed that really starting the search around 3-4months will make a difference in the cost.  Either way, good for you for understanding your friend’s potential situation. Empathy is such a huge component of friendship.

Post # 14
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You’re recognising she has a life outside the wedding, and that her friendship is more than just one day. Be proud of yourself for that, and don’t let anyone make you second guess it. It’s fine to be bummed, but I will never get people who expect someone to bend over backwards for a wedding. I would think she does feel bad about it, and would get there if she can. 

You are unusual, judging on some stuff I’ve read on wedding boards, but that’s a great thing.

Post # 15
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My friends’ happiness, well-being, career and financial stability are much more important to me than my wedding. I’ve asked a friend to stand beside me who is teaching in Korea right now. If she resigns her contract, she won’t be here. That’s fine. What matters are all the other times she stood beside me when I needed her. She’ll be there in my heart.


Keep that attitude, and make sure she knows you feel this way.

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