(Closed) Bridesmaid missing Bachlorette Party

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think if she does’t want to be there then she shouldn’t have to be. I think your feelings are justified. What kind of show are you going too, I don’t like strippers so when I go to parties like that I try to hide in the back. That being said I had a bachlorette last night. One of my girlfriends isn’t into going out dancing and I know she wouldn’t have a good time if she came.

She came for a portion of the evening then left. Is it possible to do that?

Post # 6
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d much rather have someone cancel than attend a party in my honor that they felt obligated to attend when they didn’t actually want to be there. Just let this be a lesson as to what kind of friend she is and focus your energies on enjoying your party with people who do want to be there.

 

Post # 7
Member
5002 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@remijp:  Exactly what I was going to say. She didn’t want to go, so she isn’t going. I would just drop it.

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t know it sounds like your friend is being a bitch and selfish which is I why I think if she doesn’t want to be there it better for you,  quite honestly it might be better not having her and her drama there.

 

I think she should at the very lest make an effort to attend dinner, if she doesn’t then her excuses are bs and I think it shows she had zero intentions of attending.

 

Post # 9
Member
6823 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Is it a crappy thing she did, yes it is. However the only “mandatory” thing a Bridesmaid or Best Man is to be at is your wedding.  The other stuff they technically do not have to do or be at.  It is all bonus stuff. And if she feels uncomfortable for the party than yeah I rather that person cancel than be uncomfortable. 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Sassygrn:  +1! I think it’s better for you just to drop it at this point. Don’t expect much more from her, she sounds ass over head with this new guy. It’s true, the only thing a bridesmaid is “required” to do is show up on your wedding day, supply you with champagne and tell you that you look gorgeous.

It sucks but yeah, I would just let it go and try to have a good time. Months and years from now, it won’t really matter. She’ll end up feeling awful down the line that she ditched her friend for her boyfriend at the time but you holding a grudge isn’t going to make you feel better and definitely won’t help the situation.

Post # 11
Member
540 posts
Busy bee

I’d  call the Bridesmaid or Best Man and calmly tell her you want to talk about her cancelling on your party and assure her that you dont want her to do anything that shes not comfortable with. From the excerpt that you quoted from the email,  I would want clarification on why she thinks bachelorette parties are awful. Is it because she doesn’t think people should celebrate gettting married? In that case , is she going to show up at your wedding?  Or is it because she doesn’t feel good about partying at bars? In that case I would call her out on the FB partying pics and ask her to explain how that’s different.

Post # 12
Member
1785 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with PP that she’s head over heels for her new guy, and her priorities right now are to that relationship. It’s the oft repeated phrase here – your wedding is more important to you than to anyone else.  

I’m not sure what ‘confronting’ her would accomplish in a postitive way.  Say she decided to give in and come – there will likely be tension about it during the night, I don’t think that’s a great outcome.  You may lose a friendship over it – and if that’s OK with you, it’s an OK outcome.          

If she really doesn’t enjoy bachelorette parties, then regardless of the reason, I don’t think it’s a requirement  that she attend.  And that may be the underlying reason.  She admits she doesn’t like them (and she’s not required to – just because others think they’re fun doesn’t mean they’re for everyone) then goes on to give some excuses that can be picked apart if that’s what you want to do.  She would have been better off to say, ‘have fun, but I’ll be unable to attend’ and left it at that.   She only needs to stand up on your wedding day in the dress, nothing more.  You can decide to escalate this, or not.    

Post # 13
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I obviously cannot pass judgment on what your bridesmaid’s true motivation may be regarding her cancellation, because only God, she, and anyone whom she may have told would know for certain. However, I personally would have to decline an invitation to attend a bachelorette event that involved excessive drinking and any type of sexually suggestive show. Instead of attending that type of event, I likely would have suggested to the other bridesmaids that we all get together for a nice dinner to honor the bride-to-be, and then anyone who was interested in participating in the other activities could do so.

If your bridesmaid truly would not be comfortable in that type of environment, I think she needs to stay true to her convictions — even if she only developed such convictions very recently — and not participate. I would encourage you to not be angry or upset with her for this. Perhaps the photos you are seeing on FB of her in similar environments are from some time ago, and she no longer wishes to be a part of those types of activities.

Post # 14
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Its just a bachelorette party, I’d rather my Bridesmaid or Best Man cancel than feel uncomfortable you will have fun without her.

Post # 15
Hostess
3369 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@TwoCityBride:  It doesn’t seem right to call her a b**** or selfish for wanting to not be a part of an environment that she feels uncomfortable in. She’s not doing it to spite the Bride, she’s doing it because the activities are not something that she wishes to be a part of. 

At least she was upfront and honest versus lying and saying she had the flu or something on the day of. Honestly, I wouldn’t think twice about it. I liked the suggestion where maybe she leaves fpr part of it if you all are planning to go for dinner or something first? You will have a great time without her. People seem to make it seem like the end of the world when a person doesn’t want to attend something that may not be liked by all. 

 

It’s one night. She is still going to your wedding. Honestly, if it.were me I would probably decline too. I hate bars, clubs, and strip clubs. I don’t drink, and I hate the scene. It just isn’t my thing. You can’t change who you are, and you shouldn’t have to with your friends especially.

I would just tell her that you understand, and cannot.wait.for.the wedding! Please don’t let such a small thing bother you. 🙂

 

 

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