Post # 1
Hi, I’m totally new here, and I was just wondering if I could get some opinions on this…
One of my friends from high school is getting married this summer. She asked me to be a bridesmaid, at which I got really excited and said yes without thinking. And then I realized that I have not one, not two, but THREE graduations to attend this summer (for the boyfriend, my best friend who is pretty much my sister without sharing genes, and best friend’s brother who is pretty much my brother without sharing genes). Thankfully the bride picked a wedding date on a Saturday that doesn’t conflict with any graduation ceremonies I need to attend. Phew.
I just realized that her wedding is the day after the best friend’s brother’s graduation. They’re in the same area (mostly), so it’s not like I have to jump on a place or anything. But I think the rehersal dinner (which is currently not scheduled) might be the Friday before the wedding… aka the “brother’s” graduation. Unless timing is really good, it looks like I might have to miss the rehersal dinner.
Is there any specific way I should handle this? Is it unreasonable to let the bride know of the conflict? I really want to be at the dinner, but I absolutely NEED to go to my fake brother’s graduation. Help?
Post # 3
YES, tell the bride! And tell the bride ASAP so she can see about working the rehearsal dinner (or, more importantly, the rehearsal) around your schedule.
Call her up and say, “Oh hey, I just realized *insert situation here* and I wanted to give you a heads up.”
Post # 4
It’s unfortunate that there might be a conflict, since it sounds like you’re wanting to attend to several close relationships. It’s possible you might luck and and she’ll have the rehearsal on a Thursday evening. When I was a bridesmaid, the rehearsal was on Thursday and my rehearsal will need to be on Thursday as well, due to weddings that book on Friday nights at my venue.
Post # 5
Just let her know about the conflict now and say what you just said about wanting to be there etc. As long as the groomsman you’re paired with is there it will be smooth sailing.
Post # 6
Get in touch with the bride.Tell her of your scheduling conflict. It is not the end of the world if you have to miss the rehearsal or the rehearsal dinner. I am sure she will be disappointed, but it isn’t unheard of.
Post # 7
Tell her about the scheduling conflict ASAP. I’m sure you can figure something out together.
Post # 8
Definitely let her know about it and how badly you do want to attend both the dinner and the graduation. I was in graduate school and was unable to attend the rehersal dinner when I was a BM a few years ago and the bride was great about it. Just be up front about it.
Post # 9
@nukegirl7: Isn’t graduation usually during the day and a rehearsal dinner at night? I would tell the bride immediately that there is this conflict. Then, I would find out what time the graduation is and see if you could make both. If not, then I would tell the bride that if she makes it the Thur before the wedding instead of the Fri, you could definitely make it.
Post # 10
We have 2 groomsmen who can’t be at our rehearsal (one with a legit reason, the other is purely lazy). From a bride’s perspective, it’s frustrating, but the show must go on! Tell her now so she can absorb and maybe accommodate.
Post # 11
Just echoing what the other bees said. Just tell your friend. If her wedding’s in the summer, you’re giving her plenty of heads up so I’m sure she’ll be understanding. A bridesmaid and groomsman never made it to my rehearsal cause they were stuck in traffic. I don’t what the general sentiments are with other brides regarding rehearsals and dinners, but when it came to mine if someone in the bridal party missed it, it wasn’t a big deal to me.
Post # 12
As clarification, I tend to lump rehersal/rehersal dinner into one event because for some reason that’s how I see them, ha.
She is aware of the all the graduation dates I have. As horrible as it is, I actually told her that if her wedding was one of the three dates, I’d have to back out (as those dates have been on my calendar for at least 4 months now) even though I would love to go. This was before she had a date picked out for the wedding. She kind of just laughed it off cause two of the dates I gave her were for May (college graduations) and the “brother’s” was a Friday, and she wanted a Saturday wedding.
She’s still working on setting up dates for everything other than the wedding. It’s all going to come down to the venue she ends up picking and what their schedule allows. I’m just hoping none of them conflict with my grad school stuff either. :-/
Post # 13
@futuremrsk18: Graduations on the weekends are normally during the day, but this is a high school graduation on a Friday, so it’ll be in the early evening. It’s possible her rehersal would be later (two of the other girls are from other states and one has a very demanding day job), so I’m hoping I’d just be late.
Post # 14
If it comes to it, I think you’ll need to miss the graduation. It’s your friends brother, and while its nice you are close and all – I think it’s more important to the there for the bride.
Post # 15
@nukegirl7: Interesting, I’ve never had a graduation in the evening (HS, College, Law School – all day). I never knew it was an option! The rehearsal dinner from what I understand is also when the bride presents her BMs with their gifts. I don’t think it’s the end of the world if you miss it, good thing you told her about the graduation dates. As long as you’re being honest, there’s nothing to worry about. She could schedule the dinner around you, if it’s possible and if she cares for you to be there (it might not bother her or it just might not work out). And, you could always try to either go to the rehearsal before the graduation starts if that works or go to the dinner after the graduation works. You’ll make it work – don’t stress!
Post # 16
@JrzyGurl: If it was just my friend’s brother, I’d miss it. But he’s my best friend’s brother as the easy title… He’s pretty much like a brother to me, just not by blood. I count him as family. So this isn’t a graduation I could miss. It would almost be like missing my blood sister’s graduation.
And if I’m being totally hoenst, on the scale of closeness, he comes before the bride, and his graduation has been on my calendar longer than I was asked to be a bridesmaid…