(Closed) bridesmaid mistake? how best to handle?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: should she stay or go?
    have her stay - just let it be, what's the big deal. maybe you'll grow closer again! : (30 votes)
    81 %
    why risk it - who wants any awkwardness on their wedding day. give her an out! : (7 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5498 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If she hasn’t been rude or anything I would wait it out a little longer and see what happens. Is she a Long distance BM? Could that be contributing to the awkwardness? Maybe meet her for lunch or after work drinks and see where it takes you.

    Post # 4
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Once, when I was like 15, I promised myself never to do anything I didn’t really want to. So, I think that if you don’t want her in your Wedding Party, you should give her an out. I would tell her that my groom added one groomsman and that it’s really important to him, but you don’y want an uneven wedding party. And since the other BMs are your sisters or really really close friends you thought maybe she wouldn’t mind? I don’t know, but I would definetly do something.

    Post # 5
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t really have any advice because I am in the exact same situation right now so I know how you feel. It’s really stressing me out! I don’t want any hurt feelings but I also don’t want it to be awkward on the wedding day. I’ll be hanging around thise thread for some advice too. 😉 Good luck with your decision!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    If you are uncomfortable having her, I would gently give her a way to bow out. However, I would not ask her to step down. It seems like that can only end badly, as in she won’t be your friend anymore. However, if she has a decent sense of momentum, she’ll likely bow out.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I get what you’re saying, closeness to some of my friends ebbs and flows.  But I don’t think I’d do anything in your situation.  I’d just keep her as the Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Unless you don’t care ending the friendship which is most likely inevitable if you tried to get her to decide to decline being in the wedding. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    6597 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Is there a reason you guys are in a friendship “low”? Did something happen?

    If not I would work at the friendship to try and make it better so that you no longer feel awkward about having her in your Wedding Party.

    Good Luck!

    Post # 10
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    If i could change time i would def have only my bf in it. She is the only one that actually cares. But if not i wish i def could take my fsil out of it. Im just going to let it be

    Post # 11
    Member
    6597 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    By the way – Welcome to the hive!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1230 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I don’t think you should get rid of her. It sounds like you guys have just drifted apart momentarily (and it sounds like that happens to you two often) so I wouldn’t really worry about it. Give her a call and see if she wants to go out for dinner and/or drinks or something. If you are truly uncomfortable about it, though, I think you should talk to her about it and see what she has to say. She probably doesn’t even realize something is wrong since it seems like this is how your relationship is normally. Besides, if you do ask her to step down, she will probably be hurt and your friendship won’t be the same.

    Post # 14
    Member
    117 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    So, I had this problem too and I did give her an out… like, “if you don’t want to do this anymore, I feel like I’m imposing it on you, I’d understand if you’d feel more comfortable…” sort of deal and she did NOT take it. If you are going to kick her out, make it firm like sillysil says and have some kind of reason behind it. Don’t leave it up to her because she might not take it and then you are stuck with double awkward where it’s weird that she’s a bm in the first place and on top of that you sort of told her she could bail and she didn’t… like me! lol

    Post # 15
    Member
    1046 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    She asked, and she said yes. All friendships have ups and downs, periods where you talk a lot and periods where you don’t. It doesn’t sound like she’s actually given you any signs that she doesn’t want to be your friend or be part of the wedding. I think this is an opportunity for your friendship to grow, and “giving her an out” might just hurt your friendship.

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