Bridesmaid Not Attending Rehearsal

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
10370 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

It’s not a big deal. The rehearsal is totally optional. She will still be there for the wedding day and that is what is important.

Post # 3
Hostess
9080 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
patchm :  Ummm to be honest maybe she wants to go out and party and celebrate her achievement and rot in bed with a hangover the next day. To be honest. I think that is totally fine!

 

I am sure someone can brief her the morning of the wedding on what she needs to do. People’s lives don’t grind to a halt and their own achievements don’t stop being celebrated because their friend is getting married. 

 

I would just shoot her a text with what is expected of her.

Post # 4
Member
7509 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Nothing to be hurt about. Sometimes schedules conflict and we can’t do everything we are invited to do. I’m sure she will have no problem figuring out how to walk in a straight line down an aisle at the appropriate time.

Post # 5
Member
779 posts
Busy bee

If plans have been on the books for a while, I would be hurt. If your rehearsal stuff came together at the last minute, it is a little more understandable that she may have other plans.

Post # 6
Member
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think you’re too wrapped up in your wedding to see this situation for what it is.  You should definitely prefer that your best friend celebrates her graduation on graduation night with her friends and classmates than attend your rehearsal dinner.  She will still be attending your actual wedding, which is your day but her graduation day is about her. 

Post # 7
Member
4620 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Totally understand the frustration.  Our Best Man says he’ll probably need to leave our wedding early because of a big thing going on at work that weekend.  He’s usually only on call over the weekend, it’s not his standard hours.  Fiance is frustrated/annoyed because our wedding is on Saturday so this thing will be happening during our wedding and we’re worried he’s going to flake on us with work stuff.  But it is what it is.

Post # 8
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

Most people on this site think that the only job a bridesmaid has is to wear a dress and show up on the day of the wedding.  That is not the case where I am from.  It is the norm for them to plan the bachelorette, shower, and attend all wedding weekend events.  (Not everyone can always do everything, which is fine, but this is how it usually goes.)  I would also be disappointed if I was in your situation.

I would just let her know you wished she would make it, but unfortunately that is all you can really do.  Don’t take it personally.  Her graduation is probably the biggest event in her life at the moment, as your wedding is yours.

 

Post # 11
Member
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
patchm :  But she let you know in advance she was busy, I totally get that expecting bridesmaids to just show up in a dress on the day is a massive exaggeration and most of us have certain inbuilt expectations of how involved our bridesmaids should be. I would say that in most cases bridesmaids should attend the rehearsal dinner, but in this case she has a very clear and understandable reason as to why she can’t. 

I suspect it’s because she is going to one of her friends graduation parties.

I feel so hurt. 

You say this like the graduation parties the night of her graduation are no big deal, have you graduated college? You don’t sound understanding of this massive stage in her life at all. You can make it out that it is just a party, but at the end of the day so is your rehearsal dinner. The parties on the night of graduation are a big celebration and a big deal and she is allowed to enjoy this moment in her life.  I honestly don’t think a good friend should expect their close friend to skip out on this for one of many wedding related events, if it was your wedding I would understand but the rehearsal just isn’t that important. 

Post # 12
Member
6949 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
patchm :  honestly you don’t have to do so much for her, especially if you are starting to resent it. But nothing she has done sounds that egregious, just disappointing. I wouldn’t get up at the crack of dawn to drive to a wedding shower either. A med school interview and driving safely are far more important. And while I’d prefer people to attend the rehearsal (despite what bees say it’s not all as obvious as you’d think, as my bil can attest), it’s not the end of the world if it isn’t feasible. Do you really want her there hungover? Do you really want her to miss celebrating graduation?  Just don’t have her walk down the aisle first on you’re wedding day and she can work it out based on what the others do. 

In summation, it’ll all be okay and stop going above and beyond for her if you expect the same in return. You’re not going to get that from her and it’s only upsetting you. 

Post # 15
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

My Maid/Matron of Honor was unable to attend my rehearsal. 

A family friend had gone missing 2 months before- and 3 days before my rehearsal- they had found him deceased. She was- to put it mildly- distraught- and called me in a panic crying.

I had to keep repeating myself that she didn’t have to come to the dinner- or even the wedding- if she didn’t feel up to it. The whole disappearance was traumatic for herself as well as her family and friends.

She didn’t come to the rehearsal- for fear of bursting into tears randomly and I understood.

She was able to come to the wedding- which I was very grateful for. She didn’t know what was going on- and neither did those who actually did a walk thru the night before. I had an amazing officiant who guided everyone with head movements and hand gestures. Sure- I knew that we messed up in a few places- but my guests- not a clue.

Let her celebrate her graduation. There could have been a much more darker reason why she could not attend.

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