Post # 1
I have expected nothing of my bridal party, all they need to do is get their dress. I am paying for alterations, shoes, makeup and hair. If they would like to do more for me great, if not that is fine. i asked all the girls what they could afford for the dress, they agreed $200 is a good price, the dress I picked was $130.
I have one bridesmaid that from the begining has given me lots of trouble. First she assumed she was in my wedding party which was awkward and rude to begin with. I needed someone to meet with the hotel lady to get the hotel block set up and view rooms, she volunteered to do this and then did not show up to the meeting! I had to reschedule and a college roommate who I am not particularly close with begged me to let her help out so she ended up going because I am planning from afar. My friend never mentioned it to me. When I brought it up she just changed the subject.
This bridesmaid also told me change my colors because she hates the color navy and says she does not look good in it. When I picked knee length dresses she called me whining because hates her legs and felt uncomfortable in a short dress. Then I changed my dresses to a long dress to make her happy and she told me we should get them shortened because she feels they are “too formal” I am having a black tie wedding of course they are formal! She asked to throw me a shower, she wanted to have a bridal shower for me and a birthday party for herself all in one event, I politely declined. She also got mad at me for not wanting to have a bachelorette party in Vegas. I did not want a bachelorette party in Vegas because i know some of my bridesmaids are not that financially stable plus I have been to Vegas 25 times in my life, I am not the Vegas bachelorette party girl.
I sent my girls an email in November that they needed to get their dresses by this weekend or they would not come in on time. They weekend came and went and she never bought hers. I sent them several email reminders to get the dress, one being last week. I feel that essentially she has opted out of being a bridesmaid. I am not one to fire a bridesmaid, I think that is rude and inconsiderate. If she didn’t buy her dress then essentially hasn’t she opted out of being a bridesmaid? Should I say something about this to her?
Post # 3
Don’t fire her, but you’re right- if she fails to have the dress in time she has effectively removed herself from the wedding party.
Post # 4
Yes, you need to say something to her. I would put all the other stuff in the past and just worry about the dress. Call her up and just simply say “Can you call and order your dress today? If you don’t then it will not be in on time.” See what she says and handle it from there. Just be prepared for her to have some excuse as to why she hasn’t ordered it and possibly back out of your wedding.
Post # 5
It seems like she has been given plenty of chances to prove herself a good bridesmaid, and has failed everytime. Remember that this is YOUR wedding, not hers. You already changed your dress choice to accommodate her and she still complained. She bailed on something that was important to you and doesn’t want to talk about it. She seems very selfish and only looking for a chance to “be a bridesmaid” without actually doing any of the work that is involved with being a true bridesmaid. In my opinion, it is definitely time to ask her to step down. I had to do this with one of my bridesmaids…she wasn’t going to buy the dress or help with the costs of anything and I was only tipped off because her sister is my matron of honor and told me I needed to talk to her. It is just completely rude and inconsiderate! I grew up with this girl and she was supposed to be my maid of honor…but, instead of coming to me directly and saying she was having money problems (if she did, I likely would have offered to help her), she just wasn’t going to say anything at all.
Sometimes people are just selfish and are scared to admit they are having difficult times, etc. But, it is not fair to you or the rest of the BM’s that are working hard for her to just do nothing….especially if she doesn’t have her dress!
It is definitely time to say something to her…maybe just start with a simple, “unfortunately, because you did not order your dress on time, there is no way it will be in in time for the wedding…I am going to have to ask you to step down.” I am sure once she reads that, the discussion will open up to other things and you will find out the underlying reasons she is not being a good BM! But, it is time to broach the subject – it is not worth the stress it will cause you to keep her in and keep wondering if she is going to come through.