(Closed) Bridesmaid Not Coming to Shower Because of…Film Festival?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Stone Garden Events

OMG I would be so mad.  I am currently a bridesmaid for one of my friends, and I drove for 7 hours just to get to shower, which I decorated and made the party favors for.  I couldn’t imagine flaking out on my “best friend”.  I would reconsider having her in your wedding all together… good luck!

Post # 4
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If I were in your shoes, I’d be disappointed and sad that someone I care about won’t be joining me while I celebrate and a party in my honor is happening… 

But, like any invitation, your BFF is free to decline the one issued for your bridal shower – for any reason. And it’s not rude or wrong of her to decline “due to a prior commitment” – although I’ll repeat you have every right to be sad that she won’t be with you.


It sort of sounds like your BFF isn’t such a great friend, there seems to be a lot of tension between the two of you (although maybe it’s just this post).  If she’s been forgetful and a little self-absorbed recently, is there a chance that she didn’t realize how much it would mean to you to have her at your shower?

If you’ve already talked to her about how much you’ll miss her and how much she means to you as a friend, then it’s probably best (for your friendship) to let this go… People who aren’t getting married don’t always see things the same way “about to be brides” do; and no matter who is right or wrong, it’s rarely worth jeopardizing a good friendship over.

I’m really sorry you’re not going to be able to share your fun shower with your friend though.

Post # 5
3311 posts
Sugar bee

I would be upset but let it go and remember this when she gets married.

Post # 6
1658 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

One of my oldest friends (who I didn’t ask to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because she’s flaky and usually smoking marijuana) is missing my shower and bachelorette to do shrooms and go to a laser show. I’m annoyed, but if that’s how she prioritized things then I’m taking it as kind of a “true colors” thing. Whomp whomp.

Post # 7
3072 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would be pretty upset.  My best friend missed my bridal shower and our engagement party and she’s more than likely goign to miss my bachelorette party too.  The fact that she missed your one-time bridal shower for a film festival that happens annually kind of speaks volumes about her.  That sucks, I’m sorry you’re dealing with her!

Post # 8
3356 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds like this event is important to her. You said she goes every year.

If she was really that close to you, I think she should have been consulted about the date.

I don’t think you can really be anything but disappointed. Yeah it sucks that she can’t be there. But it also sucks that your shower was planned on a weekend that you know she has a commitment every year and wouldn’t be able to make it.

(I’m not saying you did this intentionally, but it also sucks for her to not be there).

Post # 9
9048 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

It sucks and I would definitely be disappointed but I think if she was t consulted on the date and she does this every year its slightly more excusable. If she picked the date and then jammed out – yes I’d be furious. 

Post # 10
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think all brides and grooms have to realize that every “loved one” can’t make every event.  I definitely see and completely understand the disappointment in her priorites (from your view).  But if you did schedule it another weekend, maybe an aunt, another bridesmaid, etc. wouldn’t be able to make it and again you’d be sad too.  It’s definitely ok to be sad; but, in all reality all friends and family members can’t make all events.  Knowing that truly helped me accept, and (honestly) respect and understand that just b/c people miss things doesn’t mean that they don’t love you or support you any less.  It just means they have other things/plans/priorities/committments too, and don’t neccessarily see or understand the hurt it causes you.

I’m sure your shower will still be great! 🙂

Post # 11
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Agree it’s fairly shitty but definitely not worth fighting over…clearly this is an important event to her.

Post # 12
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be sad she couldn’t make it, but wouldn’t hold it against her.  Some people really like film festivals, it really isn’t up to us to judge the importance of another event in someone else’s life.

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