(Closed) bridesmaid not getting ready with us at all?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Ed Oliver Golf Club, Wilmington, DE

I had 2 bridesmaids who decided not to get ready with the rest of us. While they missed out on some laughs and drinks, I honestly did not worry about it. That’s their decision. The only thing that I requested was that they be there when the photographer arrived for the pictures and they were there. That’s all I could really hope for and it turned out well! You’ll be so busy that morning, you won’t even realize.  

About the rehearsal dinner.. yes any person can figure out how to walk down an aisle and do their part, (and even with a rehearsal, we had some moments of confusion) but I understand being upset by that. She has obviously known about this wedding and should have tried to make herself available and telling you 2 days before is rude, as she is probably already counted for food. 

Sorry, Bee! Your wedding will be amazing either way!!

Post # 17
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I don’t get the whole getting ready together thing to begin with, so to me it’s not really that big of a deal. I get you are disappointed. Maybe tell her to come more like 12:30 so she can be there for a little bit of y’all getting ready? I think it would be highly ridiculous to kick her out now. Like PP said, maybe she has other things going on? Maybe she doesn’t want to be away from her kid much? Did she have a wedding? Maybe she’s jealous cause she didn’t get to have one?

Post # 18
135 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
lpk2016 :  I disgree that the only thing you can ask bridesmaids to do it turn up and stand next to you. I don’t understand the logic behind that if anyone can explain? They are supposed to be your closest friends, relieve your stress, help you through tough times and important times. And mostly importantly they are supposed to be there to enjoy the day with you(ref. champagne breakfast before the ceremony). They are not there just to look pretty in pictures. 

On the face of the story it sounds  like she is wrapped up in her own world without properly thinking how her actions seem to everyone else. But before charging in with upset accusations, I would check that everything is ok with her, maybe she is going through a rough time, or has money problems or is feeling sensitive for whatever reason. 

Post # 19
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Is it possible she misunderstood about the timeline and assumed you didn’t need her there until you’re all leaving for pictures at 1:00? Maybe she didn’t realize that it was also important for you to have her there from 11:30 on for getting ready pictures since she’s having her hair done elsewhere. Or maybe her friend isn’t available to do her hair until later in the morning. Just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt here. It can’t hurt to reach out to her and let her know you’d love for her to join you at 11:30 for some casual pictures of the four of you and invite her to do her makeup at your place if that fits her schedule. See what she says rather than sitting and stewing about it. 


Post # 20
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

She’s showing up for the wedding, she just doesn’t want to spend 4 hours waiting around if she doesn’t have to. It’s probably not about YOU personally.

Post # 23
1180 posts
Bumble bee

The hair thing isnt a big deal, but not being there for getting ready pics is not ok.

Post # 24
17 posts
  • Wedding: July 2016

When you are asked to be a bridesmaid you have a good idea what you are getting yourself in for. I disagree with many bees as her job is to be there for you (to an extent – you do not sound like a bridezilla!!). This “friend”, unfortunately, sounds like she may be a bit jealous. I would maybe just kindly let her know that you would prefer if she can be there by x time, but if she chooses not to listen you may have to just let it go. She should not be causing you extra stress right now! You have more important things to think about. This should be a happy and exciting time so try to put it out of your mind and enjoy it. When it is her turn karma may just pay her a visit!

Post # 25
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Since when are getting ready pics a mandatory part of being a bridesmaid? I don’t see how a bridesmaid showing up on time to stand beside the bride during the ceremony and then being present for photos after isn’t enough. Bridesmaids are meant to be present for the ceremony and after ceremony photos, anything before that time is a request that can be declined not an obligation. 

The topic ‘bridesmaid not getting ready with us at all?’ is closed to new replies.

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