Post # 31
If your friend had a tattoo would you request that she cover it? If you would not insist that someone cover their tattoo which is obvious in photos, and a reflection of who they are, then why would you insist on someone wearing makeup – when she is more comfortable in her skin without it?
Post # 32
I was my best friend’s Maid/Matron of Honor last year and when we were discussing hair and makeup I opted to get my hair done and not do makeup. I never wear it, so I didn’t want to pay for it especially on a day when I’m worrying about other things and it could get smudged. In the end my friend offered to pay for my makeup so I had it done. I have no idea why she offered, maybe it was because all the other bridesmaids had it done, not sure. I don’t think she paid for everyone’s just mine. I think you could do the same without anyone knowing.
Either way, this is a conversation you should have with her and it shouldn’t come from the place of “I really want you to wear makeup,” but instead from the place of “hey if you’d like to have your makeup done and are worried about cost how about I cover a basic treatment.”
I’m a little concerned with how you’ve brought up a couple times how her having uneven skin could make your photos less nice. My guess is when you look at your photos you’ll think “hey there’s my awesome friend and me on one of the happiest days of my life,” not “hey there’s my friend with the blotchy skin.” I doubt you will notice her complexion at all on the day or looking back via photos or memories. What you would remember more (if you pressure your friend into wearing makeup) is her being uncomfortable on your special day.
Post # 33
JessieFay13 : I am sorry about your FIL’s passing. You mentioned in laws so I assumed you meant your fiancé’s parents. My mistake.
But my question/suggestion remains. Are the men getting their skin tone evened out/having powder applied for your photos? If so perhaps the MUA doing that can also put some on your friend. If not I don’t understand why having one more person forgo make up is something to worry about.
I’m pleased to hear you paid for their dresses. It’s the minimum a bride can do IMO but apparently is regional. I still think your friend has been a good sport in supporting your dress choice, buying special shoes, planning to get her hair done, and considering getting her make up done even if she does eventually wish not to. I feel like my saying that upset you so I am sorry if it did.
Post # 34
‘Thanks for dragging [your dead FIL] into this’ – that’s a pretty juvenile response. The PP’s post had nothing to do wtih your dead Father-In-Law specifically, it was just an example. Will your FH wear makeup too? Not very surprising though, the whole thread is childish. If you’re so concerned about your friend’s uneven skin ruining your expensive photos, don’t have her as a bridesmaid. That would seem a logical response if you consider it is logical to make her wear makeup.
Post # 35
Well as someone who never wears foundation and didn’t consider it even for my own wedding I do think full coverage makeup is asking a bit much.
I think some concealer, touch of (waterproof?)mascara, something on the lip, and if shiny some powder just nose/T-zone should be good.
Post # 36
I hate wearing foundation it makes my skin feel like shit. I didn’t even wear it on my wedding day I wore a tinted moisturiser. I suggest you and her have a shopping day take her to a department store and then treat her too a tinted moisturiser, some powder and a mascara. That’s really all she needs. Your the one with the problem about her face not her so you should be buying it. I tell you what I would be pissed if my friend turned around and said I really need you to wear makeup for my wedding. It’s pretty much saying natural you is ugly put something on it.
Post # 37
You are not receiving the replies you expected / wanted to hear and now seem a little defensive which is perfectly normal. Take a step back, breathe and think about if it is important enough for you that your friends wear make up to make her feel uncomfortably about it and possibly even insecure.
Post # 38
I too am wondering if your fiance is in on the ‘everyone must wear foundation to not look crap’ thing… I dont know about you but I certainly couldnt get my fiance, father or the best men to wear foundation
unfortunatly your attituide is nothing but sexist… girls dont need to wear make up just as boys can wear make up, its all about free choice and your friends choice is not too and you get no say in that
Post # 39
Eh, I think if she normally doesn’t wear it, then it can be a big ask. I understand the importance and how it might just be foundation, but it’s her face. She’s already wearing a dress and out of her comfort zone because your wedding is important to her, makeup is a personal thing. If you are paying for it and want it to be done then you could tell her this and explain the importance. I’m sure as a friend she may understand, but I wouldn’t press it. Maybe on the day of when she sees others getting/having make up she might feel more comfortable as part of the group to have some applied perhaps she’s nervous about it since she’s not familiar, and I worry pushing it or having her agree to having it done in advance will make her upset. Maybe let her know that an experienced person will be on hand that day, and if she’s up for it that day, you’d love to see her experience it, even if just foundation.
Post # 40
Honestly, I do appreciate everyone’s responses – regardless of whether I agree with them, find them harsh, whatever.
I do want to say that I have never once said that my friend not wearing makeup will ruin my photos or my wedding or anything like that – of course it won’t, and putting these kinds of statements in my mouth isn’t really helping matters. I never demanded that all my bridesmaids wear makeup or that they all have it done professionally – one of them is doing it herself and I know that she won’t put on anymore than she wears everyday, which is 150% fine. Yes, I do want my wedding photos to look nice – what bride doesn’t? To me, this means having people in them who are happy and comfortable. If this means my bestie doesn’t wear makeup, that’s fine. But what I don’t want is her to look at photos and not like how she looks – this will upset her, which will in turn upset me. I used just one of many previous examples where she has later looked back at photos (particularly professional ones where the camera is of much better quality) and has commented repeatedly on how she’s not happy with how she looks. I don’t want her to be unhappy with herself, I want her to think she looks great.
I really don’t think I expressed myself well earlier on today – part of this was me getting defensive and part of this was me being confused within myself on what I actually thought about this whole thing. Really, I should have waited to post initially until I had all my thoughts in order as much of this could have been avoided. I know I said it earlier but I’ll say it again – after the initial conversation with my best friend, I was going to let her do whatever she wanted. Which is the approach I have taken the whole time throughout planning. Her decision cropped up in conversation with my FSILs and Future Mother-In-Law as more of a throwaway “oh, don’t worry about carpooling with her” type comment, but when I saw their reaction I thought maybe I had missed something somewhere. Maybe it’s just expected that all the bridesmaids will wear makeup. I became torn between wanting her to be happy and wanting her to feel her best – I kind of lost sight of the fact that these are one and the same. I needed to take a step back and remind myself that my initial reaction (to leave it alone) was the correct one for me.
I have decided that I will not bring it up with her and will leave the ball completely in her court. If she decides to keep the appointment I made for her, great. If she decides she doesn’t want to wear makeup, great.
I have also decided to close this thread, as I cannot see anything else of value coming from it. Thanks again for all the responses.