Post # 1
I know that choosing my bridesmaids is MY decision and I should just go with my gut. However…my gut is in limbo.
My first dilemma deals with a helpful friend. My best friend from HS and I had a falling out in college and now we speak occasionally. We’re on good terms now but we don’t really hang out much. After I called to tell her the good news, she started calling more often and offered to take me to a bridal show. We went to the bridal show with other friends and everything was great. I was her Maid/Matron of Honor and I would like for her to be involved somehow. Now…because she went to the bridal show with me, should I ethically ask her to be a bridesmaid? I am completely neutral on the situation.
Next – my fiance’s sister-in-law. We aren’t close. She and Nate aren’t close. She actually isn’t very nice at all. We might have had 10 real conversations in the past 3 years that I’ve been with Nate. However, do I risk the drama?
I know I’m not the only one with these troubles, so I need your expertise!
Post # 3
Dude – go with the one who’s already offering to help you with wedding-related stuff even though she’s not part of the party (yet). She could always turn you down and prefer to just help out unofficially, but she sounds *much* more likely to hold your wedding dress over your head when you’ve got to pee halfway through the reception, ya know? 😉
Post # 4
you clearly have no reason to ask the in-law. so don’t. as for the friend, you certainly aren’t obligated to ask her just because she took you to a bridal show. but you seem like to want to – right? so go for it. it sounds like you know what you want.
Post # 5
In my head, in-laws don’t carry the same weight as actual siblings of the people getting married. After all, you didn’t get to sign off on who a sibling marries, so you don’t even have to like her.
A friend who will help you plan is invaluable. Worth her weight in gold. To be followed around by an angelic chorus tossing rose petals.
Post # 6
I would say give your friend from HS a chance and ask her — your friendship is obviously pretty deeply rooted despite the falling out, and seems to be growing as well. Having her involved could further establish that pattern. Maybe also a little for "old time’s sake," you know what I mean? Especially since you were her Maid/Matron of Honor, and she has been exhibiting a very helpful attitude already!
As for the other girl, based on your post, I’d say your gut is already saying "no." And I would fully support that! I would rather have drama b/c someone didn’t get asked, than drama b/c they did get asked and end up being a horrible bridesmaid and giving you undue stress. On your wedding day, you should be surrounded by those friends to whom you are the closest, and to whom standing up there with you will mean just as much to them as it means for you to have them.
Post # 7
FH’s SIL – no way thats like one to may steps away…bvesides it doens’t sound like you like her a whole lot. Save the drama and skip it.
Your friend, make her your PA – I mean she seems together enough to do it and be great at it!
Post # 8
I don’t think that you owe your FH SIL anything….I mean if you barely talk, and it sounds as though you two aren’t exactly the best of friends….I think the choice is somewhat obvious. I understand that you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but the people you choose to be in the wedding party should be people you are completely comfortable with, know and love. I think you will be much happier if you pick your friend for HS, your friendship has deep roots – and that shouldn’t be traded for someone you don’t even think is a very nice person.
Post # 9
i agree that you should ask your friend from high school. besides the fact you seem to like her more, she’s married & knows her way around weddings. noone close to me has that experience- i would have LOVED for any of my close friends/ siblings/ anyone to have previous wedding experience (besides the parents who were married in the 60s & 70s). she is a lucky find.