Bridesmaid of Obligation???

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I ask this friend to be a bridesmaid?
    Yes : (0 votes)
    No : (35 votes)
    100 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    507 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    ericav :  Don’t do it! If you are having reservations with the “thought” of her being in your wedding, chances are you are saving yourself from a lot of drama.

    Editing: Your wedding is about celebrating with the people who you genuinely care about and vice versa. If the friendship has faded, leave it where it is. Include the close women in your life.

    Post # 3
    Member
    533 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I wouldn’t have her as a bridesmaid. When I selected my bridesmaids, I chose women who I am currently close with and who are excited about the responsibilities of being a bridesmaid. 

    There’s women who I used to be close with but we have drifted apart and I didn’t ask because 1) I would feel weird having somebody stand up for me at my wedding who I am not super close with and 2) I want to limit any drama.

    And with a large wedding party (mine is 7 ladies) there will be logistical issues that cause stress during planning even if we love each other and everything else is great.

    Why give myself (extra) stress as a bride? I try to only surround myself with positivity. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    6806 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    ericav :  Asking someone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man out of obligation or whatever you want to call it is never a good idea. It never ends well. Don’t do it. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Ya don’t even like the girl. So, no.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1017 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    If you don’t really want to be friends anymore, then it will be the nail in the coffin 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    304 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    ericav :  I actually had a similar situation. I have a friend who was my best friend until high school, but we drifted apart a ton lately. I wound up not asking her to be a bridesmaid but invited her to the bachelorette. I think this arrangement was best for both of us 🙂 Because she certainly is fun and it was a blasy partying with her, but I don’t feel close enough to her anymore to have her helping with intimate details of the wedding.

    Post # 9
    Member
    488 posts
    Helper bee

    When first reading I was about to vote that you just have her as a bm, maybe think of her as a “legacy bridesmaid” instead of “obligation bridesmaid”. BUT then I read that she isn’t interested in weddings, both in general and yours specifically, and she hates being a bm! So definitely don’t have her as one. You are doing both of you a favour. If she asks you, you can say honestly “oh I didn’t think you would want to be, you didn’t seem to enjoy it all those other times, now you can enjoy yourself as a guest”. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    7643 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    WeddingBee is full of threads by brides who asked the old-friend-they’d-drifted-apart-from to be a bridesmaid, and regretted it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1851 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    There’s no obligation! Either you want her or you don’t. And it sounds like you don’t. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Please no. Do not let her ruin this time for you! There is no obligation, and from what it seems the friendship is already done. If you cannot see yourself going out to lunch, a double date, or someone who will be missed from your side then she should not even be considered.

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