(Closed) Bridesmaid on thin ice!

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m sorry – this is a tough situation since she is underemployed.  If she is only working one day a week, it is going to be quite difficult for her to save up enough money for the dress and other expenses.  I realize it is frustrating to see her spend money on pets, but you really only have two options here.  If you really want her to be in your bridal party, you can advance her the money for the dress (with the understanding that if she is not good with finances, you may never get that money back, plus she may not be able to contribute to anything other wedding expenses) or you can give her a deadline to purchase the dress on her own, and if she does not do so, to remove her from the bridal party. 

I would not be comfortable asking for my bridesmaids to pay for a shower, bachelorette party, hair, shoes, and makeup plus travel expenses to an out of state wedding, especially if they are experiencing difficulties finding or maintaining full time employment during a recession. 

Post # 4
516 posts
Busy bee

I would turn the decision to her, so you don’t have to make the suggestion.

Ask her gently: “I understand that you’re having a hard time financially, and although it’s important to have you in the bridal party, there are more expenses to come.  Do you think you can still handle the commitment?  If not, please don’t feel as though you’re letting me down, because the most important thing is you getting yourself together for the future.”

Or some version of that.

Hope this helps?


Post # 5
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds like you dont want to lose her as a friend, and you are right to be concerned about all the other costs. maybe its just better to give her an out and say you would really like it if she could just attend your wedding as a guest (that way she would only have to worry about travel costs) and that you understand how difficult it would be for her to pay for all the responsibilities of a bridesmaid. I think you just need to have the conversation with her – I doubt you want to be worrying about this during all your planning – and especially worrying about if this could come between your friendship. good luck!

Post # 6
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Hey there!  I’m sorry to hear that this is happening to you, but I think we’ve all had a similar story happen with our weddings.

When I got married, I had a friend from middle school that I asked to be a bridesmaid.  About 6 months before my wedding, she called to tell me she found out she was pregnant, and did not want to be in my wedding anymore.  I can tell you that I never would have considered taking her out of the party just because she was pregnant, and would have been happy to have her there, but she decided her pregancy was more important to her.  I didn’t mind, but about 20 minutes into the conversation, she then told me she was ANGRY with me for not asking her to be my MOH!  She chewed me out for another hour, talking about how I was inconsiderate of her feelings and how she had been my friend the longest, which meant she should have been my Maid/Matron of Honor.  I couldn’t believe how disrespectfully she treated my feelings, especially given that she would have ditched my wedding 6 months out anyway!

In the end, I let my friend out of the wedding, and didn’t even get upset when she didn’t bother coming to the wedding either(it was out of town for her).  We don’t speak much now, but my reason is that she was so oblivious to how she hurt my feelings by choosing to get upset about not being able to dictate who I picked in my party. 

I would sit down and have a serious conversation with your friend.  Explain that the other girls all have agreed to the expenses of the wedding.  Tell her that you understand that she has financial issues right now, and ask her if she needs to back out of the wedding.  Perhaps she is wishing she could do this, but thinks she will hurt your feelings if she does, and this will be a good way to resolve things.  If not, explain to her that it will be expected that more expenses will come along, and that she will be expected to contribute, or be taken out of the party.

Everyone struggles with finances, but if what you said was true and she went out and bought a $400 bird when she could have used the money for the bridesmaid dress, I think her priorities don’t include being a part of your wedding.  I say you consider taking out the stress that this will no doubt cause as the wedding comes along and let her go.

Good luck!

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