Post # 1
- Wedding: December 2014 - Caldwell Chapel / Sawyer Hayes Community Center
Hello everyone! I need to ask some advice. I just got engaged a couple of weeks ago, and my friends and family are really wanting to know who will be my maid(s) of honor and my bridesmaids. I’ve already asked my sister to be my maid of honor because I know she’s reliable and can do the job and of course because I love her. The problem is that she lives in another state, so it’ll be hard for her to be very involved in this whole process. I have a friend that I’ve known since we were babies and she’s always been my best friend, but ever since I moved a couple of hours away for college, we haven’t talked very much. She’s kind of broke, and she can’t even afford a phone, so the only time we really ever talk is if I ask her sister to tell her to call me from wherever or if I mail her something. Ever since we were kids, we daydreamed that one day we’d be each others maids of honor, but with all of the responsibilities that come along with being a maid of honor, I’m just not sure if she can or will want to help me out that much. Should I just ask her to be a bridesmaid and not be a maid of honor, or should I also ask her to be my maid of honor? I’m already assuming that my sister will be much more involved in this process with me even though she lives far away. I’m sure my friend would love to be my maid of honor, but she’s really in no situation to be dishing out money for a bachelorette party or anything like that. Really, I think the title is what’s most important here. I want her to feel important even if she can’t help that much, but I’m not sure if my sister will feel hurt that she’s sharing the title with someone who is doing less work than her. Advice please?
Post # 3
Honestly, it’s expensive to be in a wedding no matter what your title is. Tell your friend that you’d love for her to be a part of your special day and that you’d like her to do a reading or something. The rest of the bridesmaids could grow to resent her for not being able to financially contribute while they pick up the slack, and she’ll feel guilty/embarrassed/etc for needing others to cover her share of everything.
Post # 4
I’d wait about another year before officially selecting any bridal party. You’ll see which friends are there for you and which ones flake out… because unfortunately people & friendships change and weddings tend to bring out the worst in people.
Do a quick search of all the other posts about how a bride wishes she hadn’t chosen a particular person. Save the drama & wait to choose!
Post # 5
I see no reason not to have her in your wedding. If your sister gets bothered by this girl sharing her title and has no compassion for her situation then your sister isn’t very nice. I would ask this girl how comfortable she is agreeing to be in your wedding at her current situation. Outline what would be expected of her, and find out what she would be able to do and what she couldn’t. You could split up the responsibilities based on who is in the better circumstances to handle those.
Post # 6
Just saw how far out your wedding date is, I agree with DaneLady. Wait to decide for at least a year, many brides don’t select until the same time save the dates go out, you’ll have a better grasp of all your options and how supportive they are in a year. Also, a lot can change in a year and this girl you’re worried about her circumstances preventing her from being able to perform the role, those circumstances may change and no longer be an issue. Wouldn’t you hate to leave her out of your wedding only to find out a year from now she is fully capable of the responsibilities? Just as you would hate to ask her only to have the situations create even more distance and regret asking her. Just tell people when they ask that aside from your sister you haven’t decided since its still so far away.