Post # 1
I am new to this website but I need some advice. I have three close friends that I have chosen as my bridesmaids. I decided not to have a maid of honor because I didn’t want to show any favoritism. One of my bridesmaid has, what I shall call, a big personality. We are having some issues and I feel that she is attempting to take over my wedding. She eloped with her husband 10 years ago and now I feel she is trying to redo her wedding through mine. My fiance and I are paying for everything and money is tight. The venue we picked is a beautiful winery, much much nicer than anywhere I ever dreamed I could get married, but somehow right in our price range. The venue has premade centerpieces and decorations that are beautiful and FREE so I don’t have to worry about the stress or money of a florist. My future Mother-In-Law has graciously offered to make and pay for the bouquets for our bridal party. She is wonderfully artistic and enjoys making flower arrangements and I have full confidence in her ability to create stunning bouquets. This bridesmaid invited herself along with us to look at flowers and practically took over the whole occasion. She really offended my Mother-In-Law. Basically she dismissed any ideas I had for my bouquet or for the bridesmaids bouquets and insisted that they be done her way and the way she preferred. Which neither my Mother-In-Law or I liked, tbh. She came along with my mother and me when I went to puchase my bridal gown. Completely spoke over my mother and ruined what was a special moment between my mother and myself. She inserted her opinion on veils to the point that I wasn’t even able to look at a couple veils I liked because she didn’t like them. Now to the latest. We went bridesmaid dress shopping today with all three of my bridesmaids. I told all my girls that as long as the dress was an eggplant color (which all looks very flattering on them) they were free to choose the style that looks best on them. They didn’t need matching dresses, just matching colors. Big mistake on my part. This bridesmaid tried on a dress that looked so cheap and tacky I couldn’t believe anyone over the age of 14 would pick it out. Words can not express how hideous this dress is. It is extremely unflattering on her. But she felt she looked beautiful in it so I conceded. I picked out other similar styles for her to try on that I felt look much classier and would be much more flattering. But no, she insisted that was the dress for her. Then she managed to bully the other girls into buying the exact same dress. One of the girls found a dress that looked fantastic on her, was in my price range, and was all around beautiful. I could tell she really loved it. But basically because of this one bridesmaid they are all now wearing this hideous dress. It will not fit with the venue at all and accentuates every flaw. As long as they actually love the dresses, I am happy. But I just feel my other two bridesmaids got bullied into picking something they don’t really like and will never be able to wear again. Then she insisted that all the girls wear their hair up, because it is more convenient for her. I don’t care if they wear their hair up or down, as long as they are happy. But this is a nice venue and will be a much more formal wedding than I expected and I feel they will be incredibly underdressed. I don’t know what to say or do to fix this situation without being a bridezilla. The kicker was when this bridesmaid insisted upon wearing flats to the ceremony. I was hesistant but understand that heels for a long time is uncomfortable so I said maybe they could change during the reception and just wear heels during the pictures and ceremony. That was when I realized this bridesmaid was talking about flip flops! She intended to wear flip flops as a bridesmaid in my wedding! I had to put my foot down on that one. Maybe I am overbearing, but come on! Flip flops to a wedding?! I think we have finally agreed that black pumps will work but only because I am letting her borrow a pair of my shoes. I had no choice in the dresses, the hair, the makeup, the jewelry. I paid for half of their dresses. And their only job is to show up on the wedding day, I have everything else covered. But so far all of my choices are wrong. And she is insistent that I invite her friends (not mine) to the wedding when space is already limited. My fiance and I have a lot of family and some of our friends will have to be left out unfortunately. Thankfully they are understanding. I don’t know how to fix this or remind this girl that I am the one calling the shots with this wedding as I am paying for it. She is a wonderful person but I think she feels I am inadequate to plan my own wedding or make choices for myself. So far she has offended me, my fiance, Mother-In-Law, and my mother. HELP!
Post # 2
Stop including her in everything. Has everything been ordereed? Like the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses? Is there time to order what the other BMs would like to wear? And for you to go back and try on the veils you like?
Honestly, you need to tell her how she has overstepped her bounds and hurt your family’s feelings. She should apologize but you can’t make her do that. You can strongly suggest it would go a long way to helping mend relationships.
Seriously, tell her you appreciate her opinion but you will ask for it from here on out. Tell you other BMs to wear their hair however they want. Call the store and see if you have any options on the dresses for them. Talk with your Mother-In-Law and have her do what you want for the bouquets.
You can stand up to her now, and get at least some of what you want for your wedding. Tell her you love her but her strong opinions bully people and she needs to realize that. Sure, she might be hurt by it and it could cause more drama like her saying she doesn’t want to be a part of your day anymore, but you need to do this. All the more reason for you to try and get the things changed to the way you want them to look. Don’t let her bully you, your friends, your Fiance, your mom and your Mother-In-Law. She needs to chill.
Good luck, op!
Post # 3
hkl091889: Time for you to grow a set and stand up for yourself. Have you always let her run roughshod over your choices?
Is it too late to change the dresses? Did they have to be ordered in, or were they stock dresses that can be returned? You can simply say “Having thought about it, I don’t believe this dress suits our venue or my wedding, and I have decided to go with something else.”
Post # 4
please dont let yourself get walked all over for the sake of not being called a ‘bridezilla’ you sound far too nice for that anyway.
i would send all your bridesmaids an email saying that while you like the original dress that was picked you’ve decided to go with the other one as you think it suits your venue better.
As for the flowers just change it back to what you and your Mother-In-Law picked and don’t tell her, it’s actually none of her business! And I would not tell her anything in future until it’s done so she can’t bully people into changing it.
if she doesn’t like it ask her to step down! This is your wedding, if she doesn’t understand that she has no place in your bridal party anyway!
Post # 5
You’re absolutely not being overbearing… You should have put your foot down from the very beginning. No way in hell would I let a guest keep me from trying on a veil, or anything for that matter, because it didn’t suit their taste.. Honestly, i think you’ve allowed this to snowball and you’ll probably regret it later.
If I was you, I’d get together with all the bridesmaids and reiterate that they can wear their hair and jewelry anyway they’d like and i would look into exchanging their dresses if they don’t look good on them… Stand up for yourself!! You deserve to assertive right now; that doesn’t mean you’re automatically being rude..
Post # 6
Wow she sounds like a handful. Maybe you’re being too nice or hiding your opinion too much? Maybe she actually thinks she’s being helpful?
Don’t bring her to anymore appointments. If she asks, tell her you and your mom just want to pick it our yourselves as a mother/daughter thing. Kindly tell her that space is limited and she will only be allowed one guest / date.
Were the dresses already purchased? Is there a possibility of exchange? Ask each bridesmaid privately if they are truly happy with the dresses. Maybe do mismatched but same colour? Don’t need to inform the other bridesmaid.
Post # 7
It’s kind of one of those “pick your battles” moments. I told the other girls repeatedly that they were free to choose their own dresses. I encouraged them to try on other dresses. And I absolutely told them to wear their hair the way they feel looks best. It was more like they bent to her wishes rather than start drama. And I have spoken with my mother in law who has since changed the design of the bouquets. Thank god! I agree Julies, I do need to grow a set. But with this girl, trying to reign her in is a knock down drag out fight. And honestly, I care more about the man I am marrying than what the wedding looks like. I did insist about the shoes, so hopefully she will follow through on that. I love her dearly as a friend and don’t want to damage the relationship over a stupid wedding, but man she is a handful. My other bridesmaid is getting married in October (YAY!!) and when we were helping her come up with ideas she did the same thing with her. So I probably should have seen this coming. My friend wanted a simple bouquet of red roses from a grocery store for her bouquet and this girl completely insulted that idea and told her point blank that she couldn’t do it. I actually got in a fight with her then about how it wasn’t her wedding, it was our friend’s wedding and she could do precisely what she wanted. Funny that I will be more direct sticking up for a friend than I will be for myself. I should work on that. And you all have made me feel a lot better. I was worried I was looking at this from a crazy bride perspective. But I swear you would think she is the one getting married, not me :/
Post # 8
And yes. The dresses have been purchased. And god they are awful. We all have the apple shape going on. And if you are anything like us, certain dress can make you look pregnant. I just wanted them to feel confident about what they wear. And I have messaged the girls privately but they are still sticking with what they got. I think no one wants to get into it with her.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
You’re going to look back on your photo and videos and see a wedding that you paid for that isn’t at all a reflection of you or your Fiance. She should be supporting you, not controlling you.
I get you don’t want to ruffle feathers, but she needs to understand she gets zero say in the wedding. Just sit down with her and tell her that while you appreciate the fact that she wants to share her ideas, you have got everything under control and will be making all decisions with your Fiance. It’s that simple. There is no battle to pick, cause she has no business fighting to begin with. Stand up for your day, bee.
Post # 10
Put your foot down and stop being a doormat. Send them all a message and say ‘I hate the dress, I’m returning them.’ And then pick something you like and actually be assertive about it.
if you bm doesn’t like your flowers or whatever you say ‘I like them, this is what I’m picking’. End of story.
Post # 11
hkl091889: I think you should do something about the dresses. If they are awful like you say your girls are going to be uncomfortable and it will show in the photos. if you can return them tell your bridesmaids you want to go a different direction and change them! It’s no ones choice but yours!! Who cares if she has a hissy fit!
Post # 12
hkl091889: You’re not being a bridezilla but you are a pushover. She can’t make those decisions unless you let her. If you allowed her to ruin a nice moment between you and your mother, didn’t look at certain veils because she didn’t like them and agree with her dictating how decisions are made, then that is your fault. I have no sympathy for you as everything you have posted was avoidable. Grow a pair.
Post # 13
hkl091889: I think to try to not be a bridezilla you’ve turned into a doormat. Wearing the dresses you want, deciding their hair, shoes, jewelry, etc., is all pretty normal for a bride, and while you have been kindly lax about specifics, as the bride you do have veto power.
I hope you didn’t order a veil you didn’t like, and I certainly hope you didn’t order flowers in her style. Because if you did you are going to look at your wedding pictures and be pissed and always wish you’d had your own wedding, not this girl’s.
Try to cancel or change the dresses, if possible. If they’re really that bad then your friends are going to be uncomfortable and an eyesore.
And finally, stop including her in stuff. Seriously. You should not be letting her dictate or decide any aspect of your wedding at all, and if you are inacapable of standing up for yourself to that degree, then you need to leave her out of things from this point forward, aside from the necessities.
She’s not nearly this bad, but I had an opinionated bridesmaid too, and I would just smile and say “maybe” or “OK, I’ll think about it” to everything. Give that a go and then completely ignore everything she is suggesting.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess
i kinda want to see the awful dresses she picked!
Post # 15
You’re not being a bridezilla, you’re being a pushover. You need to have a private talk with her, and tell he it’s not her wedding, and while he opinions are valuable, ultimately, you and your fiance will be making the decisions.
I would also change the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. I feel bad for the girls that are forced to wear something that they don’t like.
Confrontation sucks, but you have to take a stand, or you’re going to regret having a wedding that didn’t reflect you at all.