(Closed) Bridesmaid over the top or am I a bridezilla?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee

Stop including her in everything. Has everything been ordereed? Like the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses? Is there time to order what the other BMs would like to wear? And for you to go back and try on the veils you like? 

Honestly, you need to tell her how she has overstepped her bounds and hurt your family’s feelings. She should apologize but you can’t make her do that. You can strongly suggest it would go a long way to helping mend relationships. 

Seriously, tell her you appreciate her opinion but you will ask for it from here on out. Tell you other BMs to wear their hair however they want. Call the store and see if you have any options on the dresses for them. Talk with your Mother-In-Law and have her do what you want for the bouquets. 

You can stand up to her now, and get at least some of what you want for your wedding. Tell her you love her but her strong opinions bully people and she needs to realize that. Sure, she might be hurt by it and it could cause more drama like her saying she doesn’t want to be a part of your day anymore, but you need to do this. All the more reason for you to try and get the things changed to the way you want them to look. Don’t let her bully you, your friends, your Fiance, your mom and your Mother-In-Law. She needs to chill. 

Good luck, op!

Post # 3
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

hkl091889:  Time for you to grow a set and stand up for yourself. Have you always let her run roughshod over your choices?

Is  it too late to change the dresses? Did they have to be ordered in, or were they stock dresses that can be returned? You can simply say “Having thought about it, I don’t believe this dress suits our venue or my wedding, and I have decided to go with something else.”

Post # 4
Member
1865 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

please dont let yourself get walked all over for the sake of not being called a ‘bridezilla’ you sound far too nice for that anyway. 

i would send all your bridesmaids an email saying that while you like the original dress that was picked you’ve decided to go with the other one as you think it suits your venue better. 

As for the flowers just change it back to what you and your Mother-In-Law picked and don’t tell her, it’s actually none of her business! And I would not tell her anything in future until it’s done so she can’t bully people into changing it. 

if she doesn’t like it ask her to step down! This is your wedding, if she doesn’t understand that she has no place in your bridal party anyway! 

Post # 5
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

You’re absolutely not being overbearing… You should have put your foot down from the very beginning. No way in hell would I let a guest keep me from trying on a veil, or anything for that matter, because it didn’t suit their taste.. Honestly, i think you’ve allowed this to snowball and you’ll probably regret it later.

If I was you, I’d get together with all the bridesmaids and reiterate that they can wear their hair and jewelry anyway they’d like and i would look into exchanging their dresses if they don’t look good on them… Stand up for yourself!! You deserve to assertive right now; that doesn’t mean you’re automatically being rude..

Post # 6
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

Wow she sounds like a handful.  Maybe you’re being too nice or hiding your opinion too much? Maybe she actually thinks she’s being helpful?

Don’t bring her to anymore appointments. If she asks, tell her you and your mom just want to pick it our yourselves as a mother/daughter thing. Kindly tell her that space is limited and she will only be allowed one guest / date.

Were the dresses already purchased? Is there a possibility of exchange? Ask each bridesmaid privately if they are truly happy with the dresses. Maybe do mismatched but same colour? Don’t need to inform the other bridesmaid.

Post # 9
Member
3455 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You’re going to look back on your photo and videos and see a wedding that you paid for that isn’t at all a reflection of you or your Fiance. She should be supporting you, not controlling you.

I get you don’t want to ruffle feathers, but she needs to understand she gets zero say in the wedding. Just sit down with her and tell her that while you appreciate the fact that she wants to share her ideas, you have got everything under control and will be making all decisions with your Fiance. It’s that simple. There is no battle to pick, cause she has no business fighting to begin with. Stand up for your day, bee. 

Post # 10
Member
910 posts
Busy bee

Put your foot down and stop being a doormat. Send them all a message and say ‘I hate the dress, I’m returning them.’ And then pick something you like and actually be assertive about it. 

if you bm doesn’t like your flowers or whatever you say ‘I like them, this is what I’m picking’. End of story. 

Post # 11
Member
1865 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

hkl091889:  I think you should do something about the dresses. If they are awful like you say your girls are going to be uncomfortable and it will show in the photos. if you can return them tell your bridesmaids you want to go a different direction and change them! It’s no ones choice but yours!! Who cares if she has a hissy fit! 

 

Post # 12
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

hkl091889: You’re not being a bridezilla but you are a pushover. She can’t make those decisions unless you let her. If you allowed her to ruin a nice moment between you and your mother, didn’t look at certain veils because she didn’t like them and agree with her dictating how decisions are made, then that is your fault. I have no sympathy for you as everything you have posted was avoidable. Grow a pair.

Post # 13
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

hkl091889:  I think to try to not be a bridezilla you’ve turned into a doormat. Wearing the dresses you want, deciding their hair, shoes, jewelry, etc., is all pretty normal for a bride, and while you have been kindly lax about specifics, as the bride you do have veto power. 

I hope you didn’t order a veil you didn’t like, and I certainly hope you didn’t order flowers in her style. Because if you did you are going to look at your wedding pictures and be pissed and always wish you’d had your own wedding, not this girl’s. 

Try to cancel or change the dresses, if possible. If they’re really that bad then your friends are going to be uncomfortable and an eyesore. 

And finally, stop including her in stuff. Seriously. You should not be letting her dictate or decide any aspect of your wedding at all, and if you are inacapable of standing up for yourself to that degree, then you need to leave her out of things from this point forward, aside from the necessities. 

She’s not nearly this bad, but I had an opinionated bridesmaid too, and I would just smile and say “maybe” or “OK, I’ll think about it” to everything. Give that a go and then completely ignore everything she is suggesting.

 

Post # 14
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

i kinda want to see the awful dresses she picked!

Post # 15
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

You’re not being a bridezilla, you’re being a pushover.  You need to have a private talk with her, and tell he it’s not her wedding, and while he opinions are valuable, ultimately, you and your fiance will be making the decisions.

I would also change the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. I feel bad for the girls that are forced to wear something that they don’t like. 

Confrontation sucks, but you have to take a stand, or you’re going to regret having a wedding that didn’t reflect you at all.

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