(Closed) Bridesmaid over the top or am I a bridezilla?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You sound like a really sweet bride. Your bridesmaid is steamrolling over you and trying to control you and YOUR special day. Stop letting her. She has no right. You don’t have to stop being friends with her but you do have to stick up for yourself. You can do it! Practice what you’re going to say in advance if you have to. Make sure she knows that you are the bride and it’s your decision. I know that will be difficult because she has such an abrasive personality. This means that you will have to be very direct when you speak to her about your wishes. You cannot say anything casually because it won’t get through to her. (Or she’ll ignore you.) Make strong statements. Say, “I want the bridal party to wear black pumps. Anyone that would like to change into flats (NOT flip flops) may do so after dinner” instead of “Well….I think I like pumps the best.” Don’t leave it open for discussion. 

Don’t invite her to any more planning events. Fill her in on fewer details and only after decisions have been made and orders have been placed. 

Are you able to cancel the bridesmaid dress order? You definitely should cancel it if there’s still time without a huge penalty fee. If you can cancel the order, tell her that you changed your mind and selected a different dress. (Note: You should inform her of this after you canceled the order and after you’ve selected a new dress so that she doesn’t talk you out of it.) You could also select one specific dress that comes in different necklines so that your bridal party still has a choice but you’ve significantly narrowed their options. You should be able to dress your own bridal party. 

I know someone with a similar personality- no one in the group is happy unless she is- so I know sticking up for yourself will be a challenge. However, you must take care of this and address it now. It’s only going to get worse and I don’t want this girl to make you cry on your wedding day. 

Good luck!!

 

Post # 17
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Cancel the other 2 bridesmaids dresses, tell them to wear what they want and let the other girl wear her hideous one. STOP letting her walk all over you!!! I understand don’t want the conformation nor drama then just let her throw her suggestions and crap out there say ok or whatever then turn around and do it your way. ITS YOUR WEDDING!!! 

Post # 18
Member
4030 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I would return the dresses, pick what you want and tell her you’ve decided on something else And if she doesn’t like it she can wear her own dress as a guest.. Unfortunately this seems like the only way to stop the steamroller .. She needs to realize she is not the bride and to know her role. She is being extremely overbearing 

Post # 19
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

She is over the top and your are not a bridezilla but I don’t understand why you have not yet talked to her and put her in her place, or why you keep sharing any part of it with her.  It’s not like she is one of your future ILs.  Definitely change the dresses, tell this Bridesmaid or Best Man to back off and NEVER invite her to anything again – and you might as well tell her “you’re welcome” for being gracious enough to include her in the first place. 

Post # 20
Member
5365 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I want to see this awful dress…

 

Post # 21
Member
606 posts
Busy bee

hkl091889:  Are you willing to ask her to step down?? I think you have stayed quiet too long and it’s already ruined the happy commradery that your maids should be feeling. She obviously has self appointed herself as Maid/Matron of Honor.

Your day should be the way you see it happening. If it isn’t. You have to take over. Return the dresses if you can and start again.

If you want to keep her in the party. Sit her down and say, are you the one getting married? No. This is my wedding and you have managed to ruin the look/moment that I had been going for at every turn.

AND you said it’s her 10 year anniversary? Ask her why she isn’t having a big party. That’s what everyone does, isn’t she planning anything? And maybe that wil. Give her her own thing to plan and decisions to make.

Post # 22
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee

You need to grow a spine.  Because you don’t want to take on the awful job of the confrontation with her, your Future Mother-In-Law has been insulted, your other bridesmaids have purchased a hideous dress that no one wants in the wedding except crazy woman?  You are letting her steam roll other people that are in your wedding and not speaking up? 

This is when it goes beyond  you being hurt and choosing to say nothing.  These other people are in your wedding/doing things for your wedding.  You need to reign her in – if you don’t you are just as complicit in letting these people be treated so rudely.

Step up!  Sorry to be so direct, but it needs to be said.

Post # 23
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I going to just say this…  I would not include your problem friend in on anything.  I would tell her not to be in the wedding because she is stressing me to much.  But, I have gotten to that point that I don’t care how the other person feels if they are stressing me that much.  It is not cool she has taken over and the others have had to bend.  The questions you need to ask yourself are;

  • Do you feel its fair your other friends have had to bend?
  • Is this girl a ‘better’ friend than the other girls?
  • Is it really worth it to have someone like this in the wedding?  Really worth it?

For me it would not be worth it to have her in the wedding.  But, if you won’t remove her from your wedding party I would run not walk to reorder the dresses you want.  Please do at least that.  If she refuses to wear the dress you choose take it as an easy way out, don’t look at it as a negative.  And have those flowers made any way you wish without her present.  On the wedding day hand her the frecking flowers and say, ‘Hold these.’  I really think you are being way to nice with this pushy girl.

I hate to use a dog story here but I’m going to anyway…  When a dog barks at a 5 you have to correct him at a 6, 7 or 8.  You have to let the dog know you are the one in charge.  I feel this type of concept has to be used with your friend otherwise she will walk on you.  I wish you luck.

Post # 24
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

I second the widely held opinion that you’re being a doormat. I don’t understand how this girl “insisted” on so many things. Like, yes, you cannot technically control what dress she herself wears, short of tearing it off her body. But how does she “insist” that the other bridesmaids wear it? If they or you had just told her “Actually, no” there is literally nothing she could do about it. She can’t force anyone to do anything – you’re letting her.

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