(Closed) bridesmaid owes me money

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

Maybe instead of a text, go straight over to her place for a visit and ask for the money.  Sometimes face to face helps.  I don’t see texting or email helping matters much. People tend to hide and lie behind electronics Good luck.

Post # 4
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I hate to play devil’s advocate here, but if its “only” $100, why not just pay it for her?  You need to remember that your wedding is much more imporant to you than to anybody else.  If she is facing financial hardship right now by being laid off, that would be a nice gesture on your part.

 

Or give her an out– if she honestly cannot afford to be in your wedding, let her know she can bow out gracefully.  If this continues, it will only drive a wedge between two of you.

 

My sister faced a similar dilemma with her wedding.  I was Maid/Matron of Honor and three other bridesmaids.  One bridesmaid could not afford the shoes and dress, so my sister paid for her.  

Post # 5
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I feel for you, I really do. Thank goodness she isn’t your MOH! I had a roomate that flaked out on rent month after month. I really needed the money (in fact, I returned Xmas presents I’d recieved and purchased that year so I could pay my rent) and when I asked for it, there was always some excuse. “I need to pay back X first,” or something like that. It turned into,  “You don’t need it,” and eventually, “You can’t get blood out of a stone,” then into “I don’t owe you money.” She was always losing her jobs, like they were disposable and if one wasn’t perfect, she would quit, often without notice. There was a ‘credit counsellor’ and a ‘payment plan’ she and I had worked out, but in the end, things went sour fast.

I guess I don’t have great advice, but I leanrned a very expensive lesson and she and I are no longer friends. What you need to do is really decide if you are willing to lose her as a friend over this, because that may be where this is headed. She truly sounds like a flake, and if she owes other people money, that’s a huge red flag, too. Some people will say to let it go, and that’s totally up to you, but if everytime you look at her, you think of this, do you want her around? Maybe a heart to heart is all you guys need, rather than texts and e-mails. Just you her and a restrauant. 

I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 6
Member
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you should pay for this. $100 is a lot of money and could go towards your mani/pedi’s for the wedding! It could pay for your shoes! Also, like you said, it’s the principle. She owns you money and she needs to pay. It’s not fair that the other bridesmaids had to pay their own way. 

I would go see her in person. Keep being persistent because eventually maybe she’ll get tired of it and just pay you. 

Post # 7
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee

I would just forget about it. Why lose a friendship, even a flakey one, over $100?

I think it’s terrible that she was going to use her unemployment money as time off to travel though. It should be used as time to find a new job! This is one of the reasons why the government is cutting back on unemployment benefits.

Edit: I also have a “never loan money” stance. If I get the money back then great. If not, oh well.

Post # 8
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would also just let it slide and not expect her to participate in the wedding.  Your wedding is not a priority for her.

Post # 9
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@JaneyDcat:  +1

Honestly, I’d just drop it and eat the cost. She’s obviously having trouble, travels or no travels. It’s not worth straining your friendship over. 

My rule is that I never lend money to friends that I expect or need to see again. If they pay me back, it’s a bonus; if they don’t, I’ve already resigned in my head to just giving them the money, so it’s ok. If I can’t afford to not see the money again, then I don’t lend it in the first place. This policy has helped saved me a lot of friendship stress!

Post # 10
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I paid for part of a BM’s dress (who would be my Maid/Matron of Honor if she hadn’t specifically told me not to make her MOH) because she has a lot of debt and I wanted her to spend her money on paying that off or saving it. I’m also helping her out with other wedding expenses because I want her to be there that badly.

Sometimes it just really isn’t about the money….

Post # 11
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m having the same issue with FI’s cousin who is in the wedding. I know you just bought a pair of Louboutin’s… so where’s my $150?

Post # 12
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

My rule is that I never lend money to friends that I expect or need to see again.

@stillme:  +1

Post # 13
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am having a similar issue with my MOH/bridesmaid. She is having financial problems right now and got laid off from her job as well. It is important to me that she is in my wedding party and there to support me and be by my side on my important day so I just bought her dress for her. It’s not worth it to me to get my heart rate up or lose a friendship over such a small thing.

ETA: We are also footing the bill for our own wedding.

Post # 15
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Knee-jerk reaction: If it’s “only” 100 dollars, forget about it. You’ve already written it off as an insignificant amount of money, then don’t bother. If this is the case, it appears you’d just want to make an example out of her instead of getting repaid.

If you didn’t mean it’s “only” 100 dollars (Which you shouldn’t have worded it that way if this is the case), stop texting and be more affirmative. Texting is one of those “I want to talk to you but not really” kind of mediums. Avoid the middle man and go to her face to face. “I know you’re traveling. If you can afford to travel, you can afford to give me my 100 dollars.”

Truthfully, I think you should let it go.

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