Post # 1
My fiance informed me today that his cousin (a bridesmaid) plans to go get a dress made for her to change into after the ceremony. This kind of offended me because she had always told my fiance that she wanted to be a bridesmaid in our wedding so she basically made herself a bridesmaid and now she plans to change into a custom made dress for the ceremony and its not going to be the color i chose for my bridesmaids. I don’t understand why if i am not even picking the style of the bridesmaid dresses, i am choosing the color and having them wear pretty much whatever style in that color. So it’s not like im making her wear a dress that is uncomfortable or that she dosnt like.
I don’t understand why she can’t just have a dress made for her but in the bridesmaid color which is purple.
So i am bothered by this and am thinking of not having her be recognized as a bridesmaid after she takes off the bridesmaid dress, meaning that if there were to be photos taken of all the bridesmaids at the reception, i would not like her in them with her mismatched dress.
Would I be doing wrong in not recognizing her as a bridesmaid after she takes off the purple dress? Or should I tell her that I would really like for her to leave the dress on?
Post # 3
@Mrs.Ramos2b: that sounds odd doesnt it, I have never heard of a bridesmaid changing dresses.
Post # 4
I think it’d be fair for you to politely ask her to keep the bridesmaid dress on, as you would like to keep the cohesiveness for the reception photos.
Post # 5
tats unheard off … i agree with sheesh , for unity looks in photos, politely ask her not to change..
Post # 6
Brides change their dresses which was unheard of not so long ago!
I think you can ask her to keep it on until the photos/speeches/dances etc are done but afterwards why can’t she change? Is there really any valid reason not to let her change into something she is more comfrtable in so she can enjoy the end of the reception?
Post # 7
I think it’s weird she wants to change, but I don’t think it’s worth being bothered about. You have enough to worry about. Deciding to change will make her look cooky, not you.
Post # 8
That does sound strange so there must be a good reason. You should ask her why she wants to change before you get upset.
Post # 9
Her changing dresses would make me think she’s going to try and “out do the other girls in the wedding party”.
The bride changes dresses or whatever sometimes because the bride is centre of attention and that is acceptable. A bridesmaid changing dresses is an indication of wanting more attention than what she thinks she might get. Ultimatum either wear the bridesmaid dress all day or wear the other dress as a guest.
Post # 10
Why didnt your fi tell her straight away that it would be unacceptable to change dresses anyway?
Post # 12
I think it’s fine. If you’re doing a reception entrance with your wedding party then I would ask her to stay in her dress until that is over. Once you’re in the reception and walking around, what she’s wearing won’t matter anymore. In fact, you’ll be so preoccupied with all your other guests that you probably won’t even notice.
Post # 13
Not only do I think it’s strange that she wants a separate reception dress, it’s way over the top for her to be getting one custom made! Who’s she trying to impress???
Post # 14
It is weird but maybe there’s more to the story. Why not just ask her about it? You can kindly let her know that your plan for photos is a cohesive look and tell her that unfortunately, if she changes, the pictures won’t include her.
Maybe, she means she’s having a dress to put on after all of the “major” events of the night are over. Maybe it’s a dress that will be easier for her to dance in after the photos and all the obligatory bridesmaids things are done.
Post # 15
This is odd. I’ve never heard of a bridesmaid wanting to do this.
I think you and your Fiance should both tell her that it’s not ok to do this. Normally I would be like…omg get over it, BUT the fact that she had a custom dress made is strange. Have you seen it? Is it like a wedding dress?
Post # 16
I changed at my friend’s Destination Wedding (I was MOH) – but it was a small wedding with a reception being held in the main area of the resort (so other people not with the wedding were there). I asked if she minded (well after all the traditional stuff was done) because I had a bad sun-burn and the straps on the dress were KILLING me. We have some great photos from the latter half of the night dancing together after I changed and she was perfectly happy.
FYI – I changed into a yellow strapless sundress (not a custom gown!!)…I would never have assumed it was ok to change under any circumstances or without her permission prior to attending the wedding. In other weddings I have been in, I wore the dress all night (as did all the other girls). I do agree that it’s very awkward that she is not asking but rather, TELLING you that she will not wear the dress after the ceremony.
I agree with the PP who said…make her wear it all night, or tell her to come as a guest.