Post # 1
Hello hive, I could use some advice. My bm B is an old friend of mine, we used to run with the same crazy group years ago before we both became mommies. I was a bm in her wedding and we used to hang out all the time. She has been really distant and flaky for about a year and half which has kind of hurt my feelings at times.I still asked her to be my bm bc it felt right, and I was hoping that maybe we would reconnect with the wedding activities and such. it hasn’t worked so far 🙁 Well, I just recently found out on FB that she is pregnant (yay!), and I’m very excited for her and her hubby, it’s their second and its awesome. The problem is that her due date is within a few days (4, actually) of my wedding date. I am considering asking her if she would like the option to step down, *NOT* firing her but I know she will be very big and tired and trying to prepare for the new baby right before the wedding.
I know this is kind of rambling but I am worried about hurting her feelings. With her abscence I am wondering if she actually would really appreciate it if she isn’t really interested in being part of my wedding. She is the type of person that when her feelings are hurt it’s not something she lets go of lightly. I don’t want to lose her (though it kind of feels like I already am?). I just don’t want to have a huge burden on her at such a demanding and exciting time in her own life.
Post # 3
Hey girly, where have you been?
Anyhoo, I would talk to her and ask her (kind of letting it seem like her idea) what she would like to do. Something like “Being a bridesmaid is alot of work and there is alot of standing in both the ceremony and in the rehearsal. I want to make sure you are comfortable as you will be right at your due date and I remember how uncomfortable those last few weeks are. I really really want you to be apart of our day, but SOANDSO offered to take your place if you would be more comfortable sitting for the ceremony, I told her that would probably not be neccesary but that I could not make the decision for you.” (not exact but you get the drift)
Or you could go lop sided (ie 5 on your side and 4 on his) in anticipation of her not being there.
Post # 4
i seriously think that giving her the option to stand down because she could very well go into labor on your wedding day should not upset her. you are not firing her, you are saying basically that i want you as my Bridesmaid or Best Man, but i understand that on my wedding day i know you will be about to pop or may have just popped and therefore i take no offense if you don’t want the commitment of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
however, considering that you only found out on FB about her pregnancy, i would maybe wait until you see her in person or least on the phone and she tells you herself about the pregnancy (i just mean, don’t send her a message on FB about it)
Post # 5
Giving her the option to step down isn’t firing her, and she may very well appreciate it. What if she goes into labor before the wedding and is still in the hospital? It was a sweet way to try to reconnect with her.
Post # 6
she might appreciate an out option. just talk to her and see how she feels. even if she doesn’t step down, it’s likely she won’t make it to your wedding and you can put a note in your program about why she couldn’t be there.
Post # 7
@tksjewelry: Hey lady-I started Nursing school and my life went on hold LOL! How have you been? I just finished finals and I am trying to get a little wedding addiction in 😉
@ everyone else-thanks for the feedback! I just really don’t want to hurt her feelings or anything, and its kind of weird. And I keep seeing things on wedding boards about brides “firing” thier bm’s becuz they are pregnant-WTF? Really? Oh well, to each their own 🙂 I will talk to her as soon as I can reconnect with her, thanks again!
Post # 8
I would say to ask her what she thinks. You could always say something like, “I know what it’s like to be so close to having a baby and I don’t think I would want to stand threw a wedding a few days before the baby should arrive. Do you think you can handle it or should I ask someone else so you can take it easy?” Then you are showing that you understand what it would be like but if she feels able to do it she can. It says you are thinking about her and making sure she is comfortable. You could also mention that she could go into labor early and miss the wedding but that would sound a bit more rude, though very understandable. I got induced a week early because I didn’t want to wait. She could do the same thing and would be just out of the hospital for your wedding. Hard on her and you. Ask her but make it sound like you are thinking more of her than the wedding. She will appreciate it and probably not get mad.
Post # 9
I am in a VERY similar situation! But she is TTC…and is planning on having baby the time of my wedding! Yes they schedule these things out! I guess thats normal? I dont have any kids so I dont know…
I think you should just try to talk to her about the wedding and her state, I think if anything she’ll either happily understand this is moreso for HER and BABY’s own good rather than your just “not wanting her to be apart of your wedding.” Because you wouldnt have asked if you didnt want her to! =]
Hopefully she’ll take it right! I think its most important to do this in PERSON, since you dont have a set tone in an email and that can be translate in any way possible!
BEST OF LUCK!!!