(Closed) Bridesmaid prego and backing out

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

aww i’m sorry you’re stuck in a frustrating situation… i hope that it works out for the both of you that she has a healthy baby and can at least make it to your wedding!

don’t sweat these kinds of bumps, as they happen to the best/most of us!, (i may have two BM’s not even speaking to each other on my wedding day…)

and the bees are here to listen when you need to vent!

Post # 5
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Ah man, that is hard on you.  I actually had 2 bridesmaids back out (not due to pregnancy though) so I can kind of relate to you.  One backed out for totally understandable reasons and the other backed out b/c 3 months after my date had been set in stone, she got engaged and set her date for 6 days infront of mine…yeah…lame.. 

My thinking is maybe they never expected it to happen on the first try.  From what I hear from friends, it usually takes a couple of months. 

Post # 6
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Aww, I’m so sorry!  I know that you want to be happy for her, but at the same time you really want her to be there for you on your big day!  So you must be feeling really conflicted.  Come here and vent anytime!  I hope that it all works out, that she has an easy pregnancy, is there for you at your wedding, and has a beautiful, healthy baby….but you will get through any bumps in the road that come along.  Good luck! 

Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That’s a bummer.  Its tough, you really can’t expect someone to put a big plan like that on the back burner.  But she’s obviously important to you and you wanted to share this day with her.  I would probably still try to be in the wedding even if I was HUGE.  I hope she at least attends.

Post # 8
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Aww thats too bad. One of my bridesmaids is 5 months pregnant and due a month and a half before the wedding. She also got pregnant soon after they started trying. She’s still planning on being in the wedding which is awesome. If she had to back out I would be dissapointed, but I totally understand. I would never ask her to plan her pregnancy around my wedding.

Post # 9
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

While this is not a new bridesmaid topic, it def. rocks your vision for the day. One of my besties is also due 3 weeks after the wedding. She’s probably been the most supportive and indulgent of my wedding plan talking, and I do the same for her and baby stuff. Even though we’re planning differnt things, its fun to have someone else who’s in the middle of something fun and big to share things with. Our showers are even a week apart haha Hopefully your friend will still be able to indulge you in wedding fun too.

I’m printing my programs early and not waiting to see if she’ll be there or not. Regardless of her standing there, she’s still my friend and bridesmaid, even if its in spirit haha – Actually, in the program I’m listing her as “Friend + Baby Lastname” – Being THAT pregnant, we thought it would be fun.

Good luck! I hope you guys can be great friends for each other right now.

Post # 10
Member
2719 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sorry!! My Bridesmaid or Best Man is due 2 weeks before my wedding. We’d been engaged about 9 months before they actually got pregnant. It’s one of those things where you wonder why they don’t wait just one month so they don’t have to worry…my Bridesmaid or Best Man & her husband are in the wedding!

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I know it’s frustrating, but you have to take a look at this from her side too. She shouldn’t have to put her life on hold b/c you are getting married. When you try for a baby, you want to make sure that you aren’t going to have any issues. I’m sure she didn’t expect to get pregnant immediately after they started trying, but she did, and that’s great for her! I have friends who have been trying for months to no avail, and she might have thought that she would be the same way. They just got very lucky and got pregnant immediately.

I don’t want you to think that you don’t have the right to be upset and disappointed, b/c you absolutely do. But, this is definitely a very happy moment for her, and she unfortunately can’t continue to wait for others to live their life in order for her to live hers…know what I mean? It’s unfortunate timing, but two wonderful things are just happening at the same time.

Post # 13
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You’re not being selfish at all! My Maid/Matron of Honor won’t be at our wedding for the exact same reason as your Bridesmaid or Best Man — they got pregnant on the first try, and she can’t fly up for the wedding.  It’s really hard not to be frustrated, and I TOTALLY understand the “why couldn’t you wait one month?” irritation, because I feel it too.  I know it might feel illogical and selfish, but it’s natural to feel.  Personally, my Maid/Matron of Honor is *the* most important woman in my life (even above my mother), and I just can’t help feeling a little sad and hurt because she knowingly risked not being there for me.  I mean, I’m so excited for them, but I still have acute pangs of pain from the situation!  The best advice I can give is to not dwell on it.  I sort of force myself push the frustration out of my brain when it comes to mind because there’s simply nothing that can be done about it.  It’s a bittersweet thing!  I love her and excited for her, which is confusing because I am at times still irritated!  So, don’t worry, it’s all natural.

I think it’s great to want to honor their soon-to-be child at your wedding!  If I were you, I’d do a simple toast in their honor to congratulate them and thank them.

Post # 14
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Am I the only one that thinks your being selfish saying that she should have waited??  How do you know it wasn’t an accident???  Your four or five hour party is nothing in comparison to a new life…wow!!!

Post # 15
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@bridetobe2010 – it was a little selfish, but i can understand where she’s coming from! i mean, it was a known fact that they were going to TTC, and the bride was all for it. The plans for the dresses even covered maternity, just in case. It’s not like the OP was saying that if her Bridesmaid or Best Man got pregnant she’d have to suck it in and wear a body conscious dress and 4 inch heels or something. I would side with the bride and be disappointed – the Bridesmaid or Best Man could have politely declined but stuck by her every step of the way. And vice versa!

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