Post # 1
I’ll just get straight to the point: I don’t really have any friends. I do have one person who I used to be best friends with (we still call each other best friends but we aren’t near as close as we used to be). Anyway, SHE asked me if she could be maid of honor, and I said yeah because honestly I probably would have asked her anyway.
The problem is she’s the only person I have to be a bridesmaid… but when we first got engaged, FI’s sister kind of just assumed she would be a bridesmaid. She never asked and I never asked her, but she decided she was going to be, and their mom assumed she would be as well. I haven’t really said no, but haven’t quite said yes either but have just been kind of going along with it.
The issue is I think I’ve decided that I only want to have one girl stand with me, not FI’s sister. But I don’t want any hard feelings if I say this to him or the family. 🙁 So now I’m not sure what to do?! If I DO decide not to have her as a bridesmaid, how can I make her feel included and important during the ceremony?
Post # 2
Since you mention her mom… how old is FI’s sister? (If she’s not an adult, I’m inclined I am to say just go with it). Otherwise it’s just going to be an awkward conversation, unfortunately. Probably a good idea to involve your FI too.
A reading is a often a good role for the groom’s sister.
Post # 3
heatherdanyel: It depends on how long you have been stringing her along under the impression that she was going to be a bridesmaid. If she and/or her mom has talked about being a bridesmaid in front of you and you either agreed or didn’t specifically say you weren’t having her, it coud cause some real disharmony in the family.
Post # 4
Could your fiance have her stand on his side? That would make more sense, since she’s his sister. Then she’s still in the bridal party but you don’t have to have her as a bridesmaid.
Post # 5
heatherdanyel: i agree with julies1949: . either by agreeing to let her be in it, or by your own omission, you have let this woman believe that she is a bridesmaid. so either let her be one, or it’s your own fault if you have consequences from having to un-include her. sucks, but that’s the situation you’re in. if you do choose to take her out of the bridal party, just nicely let her know that you have decided on a much smaller bridal party, and that you’re only having your MOH stand with you. then apologize for any inconvenience.
Post # 6
How long have FSIL and FMIL been under the impression that she would be a bridesmaid? Why haven’t you addressed this issue before?
If you don’t want her as a bridesmaid, she could do a reading.
Post # 7
I agree with the PPs that it’s going to be problematic since you failed to correct your future SIL and MIL about the BM situation. I would just tell them that you want to include the SIL in the wedding, but not as a BM, but maybe she can read a poem or do a speech of some sort.
Post # 8
julies1949: I really agree with your comment. You either pick her or you don’t. But if you have hinting that she is part of the wedding party in any way (and you might have inadvertently), this will cause a lot of hurt feelings. So I would just say no and explain why asap if that’s what you choose to do. Also, it might help to discuss this with your FI.
Post # 9
dont have her in it if you really only want 1 bridesmaid. what about your FI how many men does he want? i defiently find it rather odd that his mom wants to be a bridesmaid. i have never been to a wedding where the MIL is in the wedding. typically they get escorted in right after the groom. Hard to say but i would just tell them what you are thinking
Post # 10
I think you’re playing with fire. There can’t possibly be a good, non-offensive reason why you want 1 vs. 2 bridesmaids. Just let FI’s sister be a bridesmaid as, by your own admission, you have been going along with it.
Post # 11
How old is she? Any chance that it may be more appropriate to have her as a Junior Bridesmaid (or in some other much-needed capacity)? It sounds as though you may not have much family vyying for roles – so perhaps you can tweak another role for her? If not, I’d probably drop it. Your best friend is MOH – so at least she has the “main” role in your bridal party.
Post # 12
The time to object was right at the start. If you’ve let her go along thinking she was a bridesmaid, and you didn’t say anything, you tacitly agreed to her being a bridesmaid. Telling her no now would be the same thing as kicking her out of the wedding party, and that’s a guaranteed way to ruin relationships.
It’s not worth it. Leave it alone. You missed the opportunity to say no, just live with it.
Post # 13
Its your choice but is it really worth the hard feelings not having her? What kind of relationship do you have with FI sister?