(Closed) bridesmaid problems… AGAIN. I am so upset.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 19
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mrsrecon:  It’s your wedding. She clearly doesn’t care, and she’s grown enough to know how to behave. My brother is 17 and if he acted this way about being a groomsman my FH would knock him upside the head! 

Post # 20
133 posts
Blushing bee

I’d kick her out. She’s already missed the deadline, and she’s not being supportive of your wedding.  Family shouldn’t get a free pass on continued poor behavior.

Post # 22
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

first of all, that dress is super cute!! second, she had her chance to weigh in on it in the beginning and didn’t. third, she’s only going to be wearing it for a few hours on one day so she needs to build a bridge and get over it. if she doesn’t order it, then she should be out of the bridal party.


eta- i just saw that you said you guys used to be really close. could she be jealous that she’s not your MOH?

Post # 25
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Since she hasn’t ordered the dress and has been bashing the wedding, I would relieve her of her Bridesmaid or Best Man duties. Hopefully when your older sister asks her if she wants to step down, she will.

Post # 27
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That is a really tough place and from bride to bride I am really sorry you are going through that.  I don’t have any sisters so I am not in that situation.  However, I agree with the others, give her an out now so you can find someone else who wants to be in your wedding and support you for your special day.  Best of luck and I hope you come to a resolution that works for everyone.

Post # 28
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sorry you’re going through this, your sister sounds really selfish and childish. I am having severe problems with my sisters so understand how you must be feeling.

Definitely just ask her outright if she actually wants to be involved in the wedding, and if so – she needs to quit being such a nasty piece of work or you will have no choice but to tell her she’s no longer welcome due to her awful behaviour.


Post # 29
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Get your parents involved. If she can’t act like an adult, perhaps being scolded like a child by her parents might help.

Other then that….write her a letter and hand deliver it to her (like a sopeona) that outlines your expectations then promptly leave. 

Dear ______,

It has come to my attention through your actions and verbal cues that you are less then enthusiastic to be involved in my bridal party. While I understand that no one will be as excited for my pending marriage as I am, there is a certain amount of interest I expect, and have been getting from all other parties, that goes with accepting the position of being a bridesmaid. 

I have been more then fair in proposing dress ideas to every one of my bridesmaids, and with the exception of you everyone responded. The dress they unanomously chose is not to your liking. Fine. You chose not to vote, so as I see it you have no voice now. I don’t want to hear another word about your feelings regarding the dress. Get over it, and know that when it comes time for your wedding you can stick me in the ugliest dress on the market as payback. I don’t care. What I do care about and what I want, and need, from you is for you to purchase your dress. The January 1st deadline has come and past and I have been more then fair. Failure to purchase the dress, will result in you being dismissed from my bridal party. 

<<any other expectations>>

In order to confirm that you understand the above duties, I ask that you sign this document and return it to me by _______. Failure to do so will mean you have made the decision to be dismissed from my bridal party. As your sister, I would love nothing more then to have you support me on my special day so I leave the choice in your hands.”


Best case scenerio: She gets with the program

Worst case : You strike her off the program (and mantain your sanity, because anyone questioning her absense can be told it was by her choice)


Post # 30
27 posts
  • Wedding: August 2015

that dress is beautiful, she is being a total brat! Jealoust perhaps? You dont need added stress like that, or for your fiancee to be upset. She has two options, get involved or get out! Sorry you have to go through this.


Post # 31
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@mrsrecon:  You have said a few times that you do not want to kick her out of the wedding and ruin your relationship. YOU are not ruining the relationship…SHE IS!!!! Someone that loves you would get involved, order her dress and at the ABSOLUTE minimum NOT trash your wedding!

Stop blaming yourself and feeling guilty for your sister’s actions. I know this can be hard sometimes…especially for someone who is a ‘people pleaser’ because I used to be one until I realized I was always doing (or feeling guilty for not doing)what everyone else wanted me to do.

Honestly I would tell her January 1 has come and gone. She has until Friday to order the dress (and call the SHOP not her to confirm!)or SHE has made the decision to not be in wedding…and then STOP talking to her about it since she obviously doesn’t want to be nice.

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