(Closed) Bridesmaid problems.

posted 12 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I just looked at your profile – you are getting married on November 1st – does she even have her class schedule for next semester?  I also see that you are 21 and having a two year engagement…  if you are all  in college together (with the BM) – a lot can change in two years in college.  I am NOT at all trying to talk down, on the contrary, it is just very little changes for me now (late 20’s) with regards to my friends, career, living situation in a 2 year period compared to how frequently things changed in a 6 month period when I was in college!  Always new classes, new schedule, new dorms, new apartments, new roommates, friendships shift, study abroad, summers… new, new, new.  I also had a lot of new boyfriends – but that is obviously consistant for you

Have things changed between the two of you since you asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man… unless you are rehearsing at 10am on a Tuesday, how does she know about class in November?  I am clearly supposed to be working on something else – which is why I’m playing Nancy Drew with your bridesmaid.  Good luck! 

Post # 18
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

dont worry about it… it’s not like she’s gonna get lost walking down the aisle on the big day – just tell her to follow the lead of the BMs walking ahead of her???

 

Post # 20
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Having been a bridesmaid who missed the rehearsal (I can’t remember why – but I’m sure it was a "good" reason) – it’s really NOT a big deal. Just ask the other maids to tell her what to do beforehand, and preferably stick here in the middle so she has someone to follow on both sides of her.

Maybe her class is more important to her than you realize – in which case I wouldn’t push it.

If it’s just that she’s generally dissinteresed in the wedding than that’s a whole other issue.

Post # 21
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

At my friend’s wedding most of the bridal party missed the rehearsal due to a horrible storm and we all managed to get up the aisle and stand in the right place just fine.

If you know she is going to be a flake you have two options: (1) Demote her as a bridesmaid. Worst case: you lose the friendship. (2) Keep her as a bridesmaid with your expectations set so low that you are pleasantly surprised when she is able to attend a wedding-related event. Worst case: she misses the wedding and you have an uneven wedding party, which is verry okay these days.  So which worst case is worse for you?

Post # 22
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

as a recent college grad (2 years ago), i would’ve talked to my professor, explained the situation, and tried to work out a solution with him. if he was a total moron and the class was participation-based, then i would’ve had to go and wanted to do a mock rehearsal/run-through with you beforehand (just you and me). if he was nice about it, i would’ve totally skipped!

i would ask her if she can meet with you beforehand so that she at least knows who she’s walking with and when she’s supposed to walk down. it’s not really a big deal that she knows the entire ceremony, unless she’s doing a reading and needs to know her cue. 

Post # 23
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Caliocteach is spot-on.  A lot of BMs, especially younger ones, have no idea what responsibilities they are signing up for.  They agree to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because you asked them to.  I definitely have more of an appreciation for Bridesmaid or Best Man duties AFTER I went through my own wedding planning, and realized how much more I should have done when I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

It sounds like you are already concerned with this friend’s flakiness potential.  I highly recommend Caliocteach’s idea of printing out a list of things you’re expecting your BMs to do and send it to them or talk to them about it, so everyone is on the same page.

On the flip side, again, speaking as a former bride, I understand that your wedding is the most improtant thing to you.  But remember that not everyone’s life is going to stop because we’re getting married.  There will be activities that not every Bridesmaid or Best Man is going to be able to attend. 

If you’re worried that this is just the tip of the iceberg that will lead to more flakiness, then talk about your expectations, and if she doesn’t feel like she can participate in most of it, then you have a decision to make.  Good luck!

Post # 24
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

honestly, i don’t see the problem. as a former bridesmaid, there isn’t too much to learn in rehearsal that can’t be quickly went over the next day. is she going to need to do something other than walk up an aisle, stand and look cute? because, if you think about it, that’s all she’ll be doing come day of.

you say that she can miss a max of 2 or 3 classes…do you know if she already has missed those classes? or if there’s an important exam coming up? or if this is a hard class for her? and maybe there’s no reasoning with the professor. because those are all very important factors in deciding to skip a class. personally i’d feel torn but if i knew that i had already used up my free passes or if an exam was coming up and especially if i was already having a hard time in this particular class, i would not be skipping out on it for anything, because just like your wedding is important to the bride, my classes/grades are important to me.

the past two weddings i’ve been in had members of the groom’s side not present for the rehearsal and everything went perfectly the next day.

Post # 25
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m a sociology professor … students are ALWAYS allowed to miss at least one class (if it’s once a week) or up to 3 for other schedules. If the semester hasn’t even started, she should have time to build this absence in to her own planning. I.E. – not play hookie and attend unless on death bed. Besides, professors WILL work with students, especially if they "know the deal" ahead of time. We know students have lives and that things come up. It’s also possible she can leave early that day, once again, as long as she lets the professor know. Hell – I’ll probably have to cancel a class (next semester) for my own wedding planning/rehersal!

I wouldn’t fret too much yet, since November is still a wasy off. Who knows, maybe she’ll end up dropping the class or not taking it after all!

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