Post # 1
Please excuse the rant, but I need to get it out.
I have decided that I need to get a hotel room for the night before. I would need somewhere to stay away from Fiance, duh! LOL But anyway, I texted one of my BMs and told her just like I plan on telling everyone. You know to see how many’d wanna stay with me. She texted back “Well, I think it’s a good idea. But I don’t think I can take off that Friday anyway, so I’ll meet you guys at the church.” You’ll DO WHAT! If you say you’re going to be in the wedding…you kind of are expected to do things like take off so you can be involved in the day, especially girls. At least part of the day!! How is she going to meet at the church and she gets off at 4 or 5!?? We’re having pictures (girls only and guys only) hours before the wedding. Isn’t that like common sense? She has just started this job maybe 2 months ago and doesn’t think she’ll have enough time by then, except for what she’s using for her sister’s graduation. You can’t ask these people now….it’s freakin’ 8 months away! That’s plenty of heads up!! Plus, you knew this when I asked you…why didn’t you tell me that might be a problem then?
Please help me!
Post # 3
Same thing happened to my best friend/MOH at her wedding…. Bridesmaid B decided she couldn’t be bothered to take the day off for my friend’s FRIDAY wedding. So she showed up late, rushed, and rude. It really just makes her look bad. I would breathe and plan to shoot the photos without her.
It’s sad but if she doesn’t want to participate she won’t.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
Maybe she just doesn’t understand how much goes into the wedding day. Make up a timeline and send it to her, and let her know that you really need her there. But try to make it sweet if you can! 🙂
Post # 5
My wedding is a Friday also. I think I’d much rather get rid of the problem now. I’m not getting married until Oct and you can’t ask 8 months ahead?! Plus, I told her about taking the pics around 2 or so. Same thing…she’s not going to mess my pics up with not being there. I even just texted her again explaining everything and asking if she thinks she can get a half day off. She really still gave me nothing saying that she’d talk to them and see.
Post # 6
I found I had to tell people what time and where to be places several times. I wouldn’t assume that she remembers the pictures. Just send her a friendly reminder. Better yet, call her as texts and emails can easily be misinterpreted.
Post # 7
Just my .02, but the fact that it’s 8 months in advance probably makes it much harder for her to ask for the time off, especially since she just started at this job. No new employee wants to be seen as shirking responsibility by asking for vacation days right after being hired.
Having said that, I think you’re right to be concerned. It seems like maybe the two of you should get together in person to discuss what’s necessary and what she’s able to do. Conversations like these can be tense, and communicating something this complicated over text message can make things more difficult than necessary.
Rule of thumb: If your thought process begins “Everybody knows…” stop. That’s a dangerous assumption to make and one that nearly always leads to disappointment and hurt feelings. She probably has no idea what’s expected of her and therefore has unrealistic ideas of what’s involved in being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 8
I had that happen to me – she actually asked me to change my date. Ummm. Nope. It will work out.
Post # 9
This isn’t the first time she’s been a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Shouldn’t she know this stuff by now? And if I tell you something and your tune is the same….doesn’t seem like to me you’re even trying. You can’t even agree on a half day versus taking the whole day off? I’m trying to be reasonable.
Post # 10
Hmm… maybe there’s something else going on? Like she can’t afford to pay for her share of the hotel room? If there’s no cost involved then maybe she just doesn’t know how important it is for you to have all your girls there the night before. Try emphasizing to her how much it would mean to you to have her join you guys so that the schedule will run smoothly.
Post # 11
Amber: I am paying for the room. No one has to stay in the room….that’s their option, since I am going to haev it anyway. The thing that is the problem is her not wanting to take off the say of the wedding, not even half a day.
Post # 12
I think you’re totally right to be pissedoff. If she has been a bridesmaid before then she should be aware that a certain amount of time is required.
Idon’t think she should be meeting you at the church; she should at least make the effort to help you get dressed etc.
Maybe you could invite her over for dinner, and in a non confrontational manner just explain how you’re feeling and that she’s making you feel really stressed out and you need her support. She might not know how much it’s getting to you?
Sorry you’re having issues 🙁 hopefully a good girly chat should clear the air between you, after all you cared enough about her to have her in your wedding 🙂 x
Post # 13
I think you need to sit down and explain to her face to face what you expect of her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Text messages suck for context and meaning. Make a list of things to talk about with her, then talk to her about each one and gage her response. It is possible that she can’t guarantee getting the day off, but she may not even have the same job in eight months, so I wouldn’t stress about it until the date gets closer and you have a better idea of whether or not she’ll be there. As long as you convey to her how important it is to you that she is there at 2pm, I think she’ll probably show up and it will be fine.