Bridesmaid rant

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
9086 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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splishsplash :  Why can’t you book some accommodation? I also don’t understand if you are organising the brides bachelorette why so much of the organisation has been delegated? Why can’t you contact the guests?

Post # 5
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Is it too late for you to back out of hosting?  Because you seem to be very aware at this point that no one wants to do any helping.  You should either accept that you’ll be solely responsible for organizing activities and likely feeding 25 people for a weekend OR put the brakes on this mess, have some self respect, and not invite a bunch of ungrateful bridesmaids to mooch off your hard work.  I understand that you want to give your friend a great bachelorette party but this will only get worse for you the longer you let it continue in it’s current state.  You don’t deserve to be taken advantage of in this way.  Please stand up for yourself.

Post # 6
614 posts
Busy bee

Coordinating with people on things like this can be so frustrating. It’s like group projects in school (the worst!).

I would just be honest with the other bridesmaid and Maid/Matron of Honor. Say that you’re happy to host it at your home but with the work that needs to be done preparing to host that many people, you’re getting a bit overwhelmed. It would be helpful if they could work with you to make sure everything is organized and taken care of. Then I would send an itemized list of the loose ends and set a timeline for when you would like to have it figured out by (i.e., I need a final headcount by 7/20 so I can make sure we have enough linens and places for people to sleep. I need X dollars by 7/25 so I can purchase food and drinks for everyone). 

I wouldn’t worry about stepping on their toes. It would be one thing if you were having it somewhere else, but you’ve graciously offered up your home which gives you the right to make sure everything is on track. 

ETA: Of course another option is to change the plans entirely, though with 2 weeks out you might not feel comfortable doing that. The all-weekend overnight bachelorette parties are definitely popular right now (I had one myself), but I’ve been to plenty that are just dinner at a restaurant followed by drinks at a bar where everyone pays their own way. Bring a sash for the bride and you’re done. That might be a better route for this size group when it sounds like a number of them don’t have much extra money.

Post # 7
1050 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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splishsplash :  no, I wouldn’t open my home for this. I love my friends, but I love my sanity more. This is simply too much. I would tell the bride you are only one person, and cannot do and provide everything.

Beause they were too diaorganized too get accommodation, now they get free accommodation provided by you, just because you can. That’s not right.

Post # 8
5002 posts
Bee Keeper

Then it sounds like you are planning a party that people can’t afford and need to stop immediately.  Can’t find accommodation people can afford?  Then the solution is you don’t throw a party that requires overnight accommodation.  It sounds like you have a party with multiple activities costing money and a lot of people who lack money.  The resolution isn’t you keep planning full speed ahead with activities you don’t even know people can afford – you scale way back in either the number of activities or cost by doing free stuff or stuff that you can afford to host fully yourself.

It is nice that you want your friend to have a nice big party, but a) she is not entitled to one – it is completely optional, b) you are not obligated to host more than you or anyone else can afford.  So if that means you grill burgers and hot dogs in someone’s backyard and have a bonfire and call it a night….that is what you do.  If it means a smaller guest list, then that is what you do.  If it means you only do one activity (a paint and sip class, paintball, karaoke night at a bar, hang out at the zoo, go to a ballgame, dinner and then dancing out at a club) and be done because people can only afford one activity, then that is what you do.  

What is going to happen when you have all these activities and half the people can’t afford it?  Are you prepared to cover the cost for everyone?

It sucks that the others aren’t helpful, but the solution isn’t just go full speed ahead while complaining about them.  The solution is you either cancel or you get firm and host what you are capable of.  I.e. If I don’t have the guest list and contact information by 6pm Tuesday, the party is canceled.  If I don’t have everyone’s money sent to my PayPal address or venmo account by Friday at 6pm, then I can’t accommodate that person and/or the party is canceled.  If I don’t have x, y, and z by this time on this date, then the plan is we do *insert this greatly scaled inexpensive version of a party that is still perfectly nice and you can afford to host on your own and doesn’t require an overnight stay*.

Post # 9
6949 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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splishsplash :  I agree with posters who say you may be doing more than your party guests can reasonably handle.  Scale back big time. 

Assuming you want to continue to host at your home.  Have a potluck (if you trust them) or order pizza.  Invite them for the afternoon/evening and then everyone heads back home.  Next, work with the home situation instead of fighting it before you’re ready.  Go to a party store and buy a crap ton of cobwebs, haunt your house and watch ‘horror’ movies like Bride of Chucky, Bride of Frankenstein or similar vein (assuming your bride doesn’t hate horror).  Give each other zombie makeovers with cheap makeup that can easily be cleaned off again after some fun photos.  Put an empty room to use with candles (monitored!) and an Ouija board. Simple things that are cheap and can end before bedtime so you can all go home and sleep in your own beds, no additional furniture in your house required.

In the meantime, if you need to, then cut the guest list.  Also tell that bridesmaid that if she doesn’t get it to you pronto, there will be no party and you’ll let the bride know exactly whose fault that was (after the wedding so you don’t stress her out).

Post # 10
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

This is ridiculous. 25 guests at a bachelorette is ridiculous. 25 weekend guests at you home is ridiculous. One person paying for everything- which is what is occurring- is ridiculous. People getting free accommodations because they failed to book them is ridiculous. Not giving the guest list to the person planning the party is ridiculous. 

If the other bridesmaids don’t have “organization as a strong suit” then you are planning the party. Tell the bride that since you are planning the party you need the guest list. Then plan the party you can afford with everyone’s contributions, that come before things are booked. 

Post # 11
9406 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

“I’m sorry but due to unforeseen issues my home cannot overnight 25 guests. I am happy to host an evening event from 4-midnight on Saturday.”

Or do what normal ppl do and go to a bar.

As for the rest.. don’t create problems:  Don’t take on tasks not delegated to you.  If you need the guest list ask the bride, she probably knows.. or at least can tell her sister to answer your emails.

Post # 12
3239 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I would just plan a nice dinner out and sign everyone up for one of those wine & painting class… near where you live. No need to stay overnight & travel. Still a nice time.

Post # 13
442 posts
Helper bee

The other concerning thing is that you haven’t worked out the money. You do realize you’re poised to get stuck paying for everything? I agree with PP, you may just need to scale things back. This whole party is falling on your shoulders and you’re going to give yourself a nervous breakdown. 

Post # 14
8947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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splishsplash :  Sweetie, this is nuts. I agree w/PPs who say either back out completely, or tell everyone plans have changed and it’s now going to be a PARTY, like, a normal 4-6 hour party where people come to your home, eat a little, drink a little, maybe play a game or do an activity, and then they go home. These weekend vacation blowout expectations have got to stop. 

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