Post # 1
So I read a couple posts about some bees regretting choosing their bridesmaids so soon, due to drama, financial situations, lack of time management etc.
I just want to know how many of you have regretted choosing your bridesmaids early (as soon as you got engaged) and why?
I’m in the process off deciding who my bridesmaids will be. I’m getting married in two years. I have my Maid/Matron of Honor and MaleOH picked out and Danny has his best man picked out.
Im also dealing with drama before even picking out said bridesmaids, so should I wait? Or go ahead and choose my BM’s this summer like I planned?
but I’d like to hear some people’s thoughts on this.
Post # 3
@MrMrsSmith: WAIT. 2 years from now? Imagine all the little fights that will happen before then.
Post # 4
I really hate to say this, but I think you’re thinking about bridesmaids WAY too far in advance. So many things can happen before then.
I don’t even plan on asking my bridesmaids until the 1 year mark, and my wedding is in ’14!
Post # 5
Wait. The girls are still my best friends but if I had to do over I wouldn’t have chosen them as bridesmaids due to financial/ flakiness/ etc etc I totally would have only picked my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor and had no others to depend on (or instead, be disappointed by their lack of engagement and enthusiasm this whole past year). I have come to accept it rather than resent them for it and I just expect them to show up at this point to prevent further disappointment on my behalf and avoid resentment or ruining our friendships. I highly advise having only 1 or even none for simplicities sake…. It’s what my fiancé wanted from the beginning but I didn’t listen to him:(
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
DEFINITELY wait. I absolutely regret asking 3 of my 7 bridesmaids. They are too busy and our relationships have changed. I wish I had thought about it more.
Only ask your best friends, who have TIME and MONEY to support you on your big day. You really have to think about their situation. More often than not, they won’t be offended if you don’t ask them to be in your wedding (you’ll save them so much time and $$$!)
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Do not pick your attendants more than 1 year prior to your wedding. It’s difficult to commit to a wedding any earlier than that. Also, two years is long enough that you may not be friends with some of these people in two years (it happens with the best of us.)
Post # 8
I think the general rule of thumb is to select your party members approx. 6 months in advance. Choosing to soon could lead to a number of issues, not just financial issues and the like… In my case, I got engaged 2.5 years ago…and choose my party members, expecting that I would be married 1 year later. The wedding had to be postponed and in that time, I have made a couple of new friends that have proven in a short time, to be more worthy of the honor then one or two of the maids I had originally chosen. Thankfully, with all the plan changes that had to be made given the changes in our lives, I’m glad that I got to remake my list with the right people this time… Sorry if that doesn’t make much sense…
Post # 9
DEFINITELY WAIT. Don’t pick anyone out – Maid/Matron of Honor, bridesmaid, best man, or otherwise – until at least 1 year before. Honestly, I’m probably not picking anyone out until about 9 months in advance – the time that it takes for them to order their dresses.
Post # 10
I picked my bridesmaids pretty much straight away (about a 15 months in advance), and some of them were best friends who had always said they would be my bridesmaids. I had no issues at all except for one friend who bailed about 3 months before the wedding (so even if I’d waited to ask him, I doubt it would have changed the outcome at all).
Post # 11
@MrMrsSmith: do not pick for 2 years from now
do not pick a slew of people–a recipe for unhappiness
make if very very clearn when you ask them to perform this job what exaclty your expectations are. This means you communicate that you expect (or do not) a bachorette party, shower and how extensive those evernts are.
You make it clear how much it’s going to cost them.
If they don’t live within easy driving distanc eyou make it clear how often you expect them to attend a pre-wedding event
You might think that all of these are not fun to tlak about and ther eis no need, but all you have to do is read posts on this board to find how lack of communication about what the “job” entails will make you an unhappy bride.
Post # 12
I have my bridesmaids picked out in my head and I’m not asking them until I send out save the dates and have a venue booked etc (ie an actual date). I actually think some of my good friends are a little offended that I never went crazy when we got engaged and they might think that I’m not asking them.. but too bad. I don’t want bridesmaid regret! My sister even went so far to ask me straight out if she could do it and I stalled the question haha
Post # 13
Thank you guys for the input, my only concern is that I live 500mi away from where all my friends live and where I want to get married. So I think I do have to ask a little further in advanced then I would if I lived there.
I honestly always thought, you ask your bridesmaids as soon as you got engaged lol but after reading these and many other posts its seems like that’s not always the best thing to do.
so I’m still a little unsure of when I want ask but most likely I won’t this summer like I planned.
idk ill update soon (:
Post # 14
I had my bridesmaids picked out before I even got engaged. My FH and I talked about who would be our bridal party, BEFORE we even got engaged. I got engaged in OCt of 12, and my wedding is in Sept of 13. I have NO regrets. My bridesmaids are wonderful, and some of the most important women in my life, so I couldn’t imagine my wedding without them. Yes, there is a lot of Bridesmaid or Best Man drama on here, but that doesn’ t mean it is always that way. I was engaged on Friday, and I asked all of my maids, in person, on Saturday.
Post # 15
Pick the bridal party nine months in advance. Any more than that and you’re asking for a headache.