(Closed) Bridesmaid Regrets

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I know it’s hard, but you can’t let this drag down memories of the most precious day you and your husband will have together.

I decided early on that I wouldn’t let anyone make me mad on the wedding day. Now, it has yet to come, but I have had some major bridesmaid drama (one dropping out, having a huge fight with another one). But, I knew they were selfish before I’d asked them to be in it, so I’m just crossing my fingers that I can forget about them on the day of.

I don’t really have any advice for you, I’m sorry, I just hope that 10 years from now you can look back with your husband and just roll your eyes at how ridiculously everyone was behaving.

Post # 4
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I know it’s difficult when something like this is weighing on your mind, but every time thoughts like these come into your head, it’s important to work hard to consciously work on letting them go, or else you’ll get stuck in this pattern of regret and sadness about what should truly be a happy event to recall. Remember, you can’t change the actual day or how these people behaved (which I agree sounds a little selfish and unfortunate), but you CAN change how you react to it and let it affect you.

Try this. Each time you catch yourself stewing over the behavior of these folks, make a conscious effort to replace the negative memories with something POSITIVE about the day. Instead of thinking about how your bridesmaid moped all day, remind yourself of how your husband looked at you as you came down the aisle, or your father-daughter dance, or anything else that makes you smile. It will be hard at first, but eventually the positive thoughts will start coming more readily than the negatives. You won’t be able to forget these little stains on your day all together, but you should at least be able to limit the impact they have on your life now, a year later. 

I hope that helps! Good luck!

Post # 5
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

Easier said than done, but just let it go.  You are married to your husband now & THAT is what should be making you happy!  Regardless of what your Bridesmaid or Best Man did on your day, think about the outcome of your day – your marriage.

It’s easy to let other people bother us with their negativity and selfishness, but obsessing over it is just what they want you to do!  Try not to waste anymore of your energy on this person.  What’s done is done   Your wedding is so not about your bridesmaids – don’t let her get to you!

Post # 6
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I hate to sound unsympathetic because I’m not.  It sucks that everyone was focused on their own issues and couldn’t allow themselves to set those things aside and be excited for you in the moment. 

But now you’re suffering at your own hand–you’re torturing yourself.  You can choose to let the past go and focus on the future with your husband; or you can choose to focus on past transgressions and sulk over things you can’t change. 

As I said, I’m not unsympathetic–it sucks that your wedding wasn’t everything you’d hoped–but you can’t change any of it now.  You can only change your attitude.

Post # 7
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry this happened.  Did they do something like start a fight at the reception?  Are you continuing to feel this upset because you feel like maybe they aren’t good friends afterall?

People can get weird around weddings.  Sometimes they’re jealous of the bride getting married, or sad that they’re "losing" a friend.  Sometimes they feel like they’ve been asked to pay too much.  Or do ridiculous things.  Maybe the bride is being a bridezilla.  Sometimes, just like brides, BMs have expecatations too.  Like many situations, if someone doesn’t do it the way you think they should, you might think they are being rude or whatever.  Even though what they’re used to regarding etiquette is far different than what you are used to.  (This goes for brides and BMs..and moms etc.)

 I’m not sure what the circumstances are, but if you value their friendships, try to forgive them.  Maybe your friend was jockeying to have some honor role in your wedding, and didn’t know what being a Bridesmaid or Best Man meant.  What can you do?  If you think their behvior has broken your friendship, you can stop seeing them.  You have to decide if it’s worht it.

Post # 8
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s hard, but you just have to forget about it.  There’s just no way to fix it now. 

I do know how you feel, though.  My sister just assumed she was in my wedding and over the course of the planning things between the two of us got pretty bad.  She secretly got married and didn’t tell me, but was throwing a hissy fit because I didn’t want her to be Maid/Matron of Honor.  But, she didn’t even tell me she got married, so that’s odd.  Then, she also got pregnant (explains the rushed married…even though not sure why she felt she had to get married) and also didn’t tell me she was pregnant.  Instead of telling the dress place or me while ordering the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, she just got measured for the size she was at the time.  So, of course, last minute there was drama with her dress not fitting in the chest area and in the belly.  Her chest had swelled up to an F bra size!  She had also been talking smack about not wanting to "even be in the stupid wedding."  So, I told her straight out that she shouldn’t attend my stupid wedding if she didn’t want.  Well, she decided to show up anyway the day of after making some alterations to her dress.  She wasn’t really helpful and left not long after the reception began because it was her new husband’s birthday that day…just so rude!  He wasn’t invited to the wedding because he’s a horrible person and my family all hates him.  Anyway, I haven’t seen or spoken to her since the wedding and it’s just really too bad she’s in my photos, but it’s life and some things you can’t change.

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