(Closed) Bridesmaid request

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I don’t think it’s a bad idea.  I had planned to do the same with my girls as well.  The hotel is offering us 2 suites so my room will be big enough to handle a slumber party.  At the very least, I can see my Maid/Matron of Honor (sister) staying in the room with me even though she will be with her husband and 1 year old. 

As for my other friends, I can see them as being anxious to save on one night of hotel LOL.

Post # 17
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

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sarusarunna :  I like this advice, if you word it as a casual, optional idea and mention you understand if they choose to remain with their partners. 

Personally, as much as I love my DH, my family & friends, I also like my alone time, so if the situation were reversed and my partner was one of the groomsmen, I wouldn’t mind spending the night by myself @ the hotel.  Movies, wine, munchies, a long bubble bath, a good book etc. I’d wish him a great time and pamper the shit out of myself 🙂 

Post # 18
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’d phrase it as an option rather than a request.  I know that I, personally, don’t sleep well with a bunch of other people in the room and would likely be very tired the next morning if asked to do that.  I probably would not be as happy or cheerful a bridesmaid if I were sleep deprived in that way.  

Post # 19
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’m not opposed to the idea of a sleepover…however, please don’t be upset or hurt or surprised if your girls don’t want to do it. Phrase it to them as an option: “You guys are always welcome to have a sleepover with me if you want! I’ve got room but I totally understand if you want to crash in your own room too!”

The night before my wedding (not a DW), I stayed at my mom’s house and my DH stayed at our suite at the hotel. My mom, sister, and best friend stayed with me. It was nice having that girl time the night before, all giggly and excited. I know my DH probably literally watched Top Gear for 4 hours in bed eating pizza and drinking rum. I can guarantee you. Haha. We both enjoyed that alone time.

HOWEVER, with yours being a destination, if I was a bridesmaid I’d probably be using your wedding (the travel at least) as a little getaway. So, if I’m already using time off, spending money for a hotel, etc., I’d probably want that time with DH since I’d be spending the whole day with you/the other girls the next day.

Sorry for that longwinded answer. Basically, ask them if they want to join but make sure that they know they’re allowed to say no without any hard feelings. It could go either way, so just be gracious no matter what they choose and remember that they are all there for your big day. 🙂

Post # 20
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Harn Homestead

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kitty126 :  I am offering them to stay with me, a few have said yes but not all. Cant say I blame them, they are spending a lot of money to come and for some its a vaca for them and their other half.

Post # 21
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking them to stay with you the night before without their husbands. Just be prepared if any of them say no, and respect that. 

Do their husbands know each other? Maybe you can suggest they have a small get together. 

Post # 22
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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sgwarnog :  Of course he is. But if a) he is travelling to this wedding as my date b) I’ll likely be gone the entire next day doing wedding shit with the bride c) probably seated at separate tables during dinner as most people dont invite Wedding Party dates to the head table then he’s going to be spending a lot of time alone for an event that he is supposed to be my date. I don’t think that’s fair to him, and I also wouldn’t be pleased if I travelled to an event for/with him and spent 0 time together.

If he wanted to have a weekend alone, he’d probably rather stay home!

Post # 23
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

“I’m so glad you all are coming in for the wedding and I’m really looking forward to spending time with you!  I know you’re all reserving hotels with your husbands but I wanted to throw out that if anyone would like to stay with me the night before the wedding you’re welcome to.  I totally understand if you’d prefer to be with your husbands though, so whatever you choose is absolutely fine.  Can’t wait to see you!”

Personally if my best friend is getting married I’m leaving DH in a hotel for the night and staying with her.  But I can see being a bit put off if it was an obligation.

Post # 24
Member
13994 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If anything it should be an option only. Frankly, if it was me, I wouldn’t ask at all. 

Post # 25
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Florida

View original reply
kitty126 :  like others have said, I don’t think you can demand or require this. I do think it’d be sweet to have one last single girls sleepover, however some or all may not want to. But you can and should ask if that’s what you want

Post # 26
Member
14040 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can offer, but definitely don’t expect them to stay with you.  If I had to travel, I would definitely not want to stay anywhere else if DH wasn’t invited.

Post # 27
Member
13994 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m going to change my reply. I agree with PP that it puts undue and inappropriate pressure on people to even ask.  If they were single and not paying for a room, sure, then you could present it as an option. But traveling with a spouse and paying for a room of their own? No. 

Post # 29
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

Where would their husbands stay??

Post # 30
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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kitty126 :  wow she sounds crappy. I wouldn’t feel guilty to say no at all. You guys paid for your room, it’s a trip you’re taking with your husband, a trip which to most people is not often and instead of enjoying it with their SO’s you’re on “bridesmaid duty” full-time with a night shift basically.

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