Bridesmaid Selection and sisters

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Hmm, if I were you I’d just have your 3 close friends. If you are desperate to have a large wedding party, then perhaps ask some of your more recent friends. From the sounds of what you say, you don’t particularly want your Fiance sisters and step sisters. However, choosing people who you don’t know very well runs the risk of arguments and fall outs further down the line 

Post # 3
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t think it’s a matter of them meshing well with your other friends. I mean, really all they need to do is just show up and get along long enough for y’all to say “I do.” But at the same time, I wouldn’t ask them just for the sake of asking them. Same with your newer friends. You’re gonna want to choose people that you want standing next to you on one of the biggest days of your life.

In my experience, Darling Husband has 3 sisters and only one of them was in the wedding. I asked two of them (the other lives far away and I had only met her once and Darling Husband suggested not asking her because it would be a lot for her with living so far away). One of them backed out, so I was left with one. I was perfectly happy with it. To be fair, though, I’m close with the two that were asked. It doesn’t sound like the case with you and your FSILs.

The point is, ask who YOU want to be there on your big day. Will some feelings be hurt? Probably. Will someone feel left out? Probably. But you can’t ask everyone you know just for the sake of saving feelings. That sounds harsh, but otherwise you would have a party of 25. So decide who it would mean the most to have with you on that day and choose them!

Post # 4
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

why do you want a large bridal party… shouldnt you just want the people who matter and mean most, letting in any tom dick or harry for the sake of ‘numbers’ and having ‘bigger’ completey takes away the honor and kind of makes it worthless

Post # 5
Hostess
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

tayegs :  I agree.  I asked DH’s sister to be in our wedding and she’s ten years older than us (and most of the BMs).  The only time she didn’t quite mesh was when we were blasting throwbacks at the bachelorette party since she was older when those songs were popular and they weren’t sentimental to her.  I would probably just ask your three close friends unless you really want to ask others.  The weddings I’ve been in with a lot of bridesmaids (8+) have always been filled with drama (I had 6 BMs and they miraculously all got along fabulously and were dramafree). 

Post # 6
Member
6789 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Why exactly do you want a large bridal party? Sounds like more of a headache than it’s worth to be honest. If it were me I’d just stick with the 3 close friends. 

Post # 7
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

“I want a large bridal party”…why? You should not struggle with who should be in your party. Ask the 3 friends and leave it at that. 

I do think asking new friends as a “way to get closer” could backfire big time. 

Post # 8
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

catholic5612s :  you’re not obliged to ask anyone, and only a super-sensitive sister-in-law or new stepsister would be offended to not be in a bridal party (especially when they’re older… I feel like by their 30s or so most people are more likely to be over the whole excitement of being a bridesmaid thing, and unless it’s someone you really care about, it can feel more like an obligation).

I also think that a lot of people get into trouble when the ‘role’ of being a bridesmaid puts strains on a relationship (just browse the bridesmaids thread for ample evidence) … for example – do you know if your new friends are up for spending $xxx on a dress, bachelorette party, shower, hair/makeup, whatever else you think your old friends might want to organize?

If it were me, I’d just have my 3 old friends … and figure out other ways to include the other people in special ways if I wanted to… but talk to your Fiance.  He knows his sisters best, maybe he’ll have some good insight.

Post # 9
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’m 23 and I understand wanting a larger bridal party, not tooo large though, like 7ppl. I just picture it being more fun and having more support if some people slack. 

First: I wouldn’t ask your Fiance’s sisters. I don’t think they’d contribute much and probably won’t find the same things fun as you and your friends do. Plus they might feel awkward

Second: I’m not sure I would ask your step sisters either for the same reason as above

Third: I’m in a similar position, I just moved and made a few new friends. Before making these friends I hardly had any friends, so these new friends mean a lot to me. My advice in your case is to try to hang out with the new friends a little more often and see if you believe they are reliable enough and see if you can imagine being friends with them for years. That’s basically what I’m doing but my wedding is 17 months away so I have some time before I have to ask.

I do believe that asking a new friend to be in the bridal party will make you closer but at the same time if the new friend is a naturally unreliable person then she’ll give you more trouble than you need

 

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