(Closed) Bridesmaid Situation..Advise Please..

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t think I’d ever ask someone to cover their tattoos, especially knowing that they’re important to her.  What I would suggest is to make sure you have some pictures taken of just you and your husband together- that way she’s not in ALL of your formals.  Otherwise, I’d embrace the fact that your friend is an individual and that’s what she looks like.  You wouldn’t ask someone to change their hair or skin, would you?

[I’m trying really hard not to sound snarky, because I mean only the best for you.  I just know how I would feel if I were in her shoes, and it might just be easier for you to let it go to avoid any hard feelings.]

Good luck in whatever you do. 

Post # 4
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Um… Are you close to her? I assume so. Why don’t you ask her what her thoughts are? See where she can meet you half way? I understand where you are coming from. I think you should talk to her first about what you want, because I have friends with tatoos and- knowing them as well as I do, I envision them saying to me "This is me, we are friends because of me. And it is like you are asking me to hide part of me". So to be sensitive on that note, I would just talk to her first and make sure no hard feelings result because you want her to hide her tatoos.

I would just approach her honestly, and just say "Look, I love you lots, and embrace your artistic side. For my wedding- since it is a formal event, I was wondering if we could talk about your tatoos. I was hoping we could both come to an compromise and discuss what would be fair for you and me. I would like it if you could cover as much as possible. What do you think?"

If she won’t cover them… I dunno what you should do. She is still your friend regardless of the tatoos right? The tatoos don’t make her less of a good friend right? Just start by talking with her over lunch alone and be honest. Maybe you won’t have to deal with ‘what if she doesn’t hide her tatoos’. Maybe she will understand your viewpoint and it will be a non-issue. (Personally, I would just let her make her own judgement call, and if it means she wants to show her tatoos then so be it.) It’s not worth putting a riff in your friendship if you really want her to hide the tatoos. But that’s my opinion… Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Honestly I wouldn’t say anything. I feel like you choose your bridesmaids to stand up on your wedding day as the people they are.

Post # 6
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

i guess it really depends on your bridesmaid’s personality.  it could go either way – she could either be really understanding and realize that not everyone shares the same fondness for tattooes and be willing to cover it up.  or she might feel very offended that you are trying to make her cover up something that she feels is a part of her. 

i think it’s pretty hard to ask someone to hide/change something about themselves.  the fact that she got her tattoo in such a prominent place leads me to believe that she is proud of her tattooes and has no desire to cover them up (unless she wears high collared shirts all the time?).  i don’t have any good advice for what to do if she refuses…have you picked a dress yet?  could it possibly be covered up by a shrug or a pashmina?

Post # 7
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My Maid/Matron of Honor has an upper back tattoo and she was in the wedding for another of our friends where the bride’s mom insisted on putting makeup over it. It looked awful and drew even more attention to the area. I don’t know what kind of make up she used (stage makeup vs Cover Girl, etc), but just an fyi that trying to cover the tattoo may end up looking even worse than you think the tattoo itself looks.

Post # 8
Member
27 posts
Newbee

My sister in law has large tattoos all over her arms, legs, feet, etc. While she isn’t a bridesmaid, she will be in all the family pictures and I would never ask her to cover them. However, I know it would make me crazy if she was in all of the shots of the ceremony or the bridal party.

 I would talk to her about it. Honestly as bad as it may sound, you might also talk to your photographer and see if he/she may be able to pose the pictures so that the tattoo isn’t as noticable.

Post # 9
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

in my opinion, you should not cover them up. if your primary concern is photos,remember that tattoos are fairly easily removed with photoshop… so let her be her, and then if there’s a photo that you really love but feel that the tattoos are distracting, have your photographer or other post-processing savvy friend photoshop them out 🙂

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Here is how I think about it – would you ask someone to change their hair length or color for your wedding? Lose weight?  No! Honestly, pictures are for memories, and your friends are not your accessories.  If you really can’t stand the idea of seeing your friend’s tattoos, I would recommend photoshop over making her feel like she needs to change to be acceptable.  If you ask her to cover up, you might end up prioritizing your pictures over your friendship.

Post # 11
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

It would be interesting to see how your friend feels about having her tatoos photoshopped out of the pictures if she sees them later (and if that is what you decide to do).  I think your options are to either put all the bridesmaids in long gloves, long sleeves, high necklines, or little bolero jackets, or let your friend show her tattoos.  I could be wrong, but I would think that she might be very offended if you asked her to look like someone other than herself on your wedding day.  If it was me, I would be likely to let you know nicely that if that is how you felt about how I look, I would be happy to attend just as a guest.  Of course, people with body art are generally used to some amount of prejudice from the general public, but I think that kind of thing tends to hurt when you get it from your friends – because you don’t really expect it from them.

I’m also wondering – over and over with regard to different posts – what is the real importance of the big posed family and bridal party photos?  We are in the process of picking out the photos for our album, and the ones that we want to frame and hang, and we have actually picked very few of those.  The smaller group. candid shots are by far my favorite.  And of course the portraits of the two of us.  We have ended up with maybe half a dozen photos total of everybody (out of 80) and we are using them as background for insets of other photos.  I think that when you actually see your photos you will find that the wonderful thing about them are how they actually show you something real about your guests and your wedding, not whether everybody looks like they came out of a bridal magazine.

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