(Closed) Bridesmaid snub

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What would you do in this situation?
    Do nothing, and try to accept it : (19 votes)
    10 %
    Come out and ask her why : (135 votes)
    68 %
    Go biserk : (11 votes)
    6 %
    Fulfill whatever duties are expected of you for the wedding, and afterwards don't keep in touch : (34 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    2009 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999


    I am so sorry.  How crushing.  I mean, did she think you wouldn’t notice seven bimbos in matching dresses?!?!? 

    This might be something I would have to talk to her about.  Normally, I don’t believe in getting into the decisions others make but this begs to be discussed.  And I think she knows it too.

    Can you go to lunch and tell her you hate putting her on the spot but you have to hear her thoughts on this?

    Post # 4
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’m really sorry this happened, I can’t imagine why she would lie to you like that.

    If I were you I would talk to her about it. If you bottle it all up you’re just going to exhaust  yourself – I know how tiring it can be to get your feelings hurt but feel like you have to pretend you’re ok. Maybe she can explain it to you in a way that would make you better understand…

    Post # 5
    7749 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Aww that sucks. *hugs*

    Is there a (supposed) practical reason? Like you live far away? Or that your wedding is close (is Nov 12 you or her?)? But I can’t think of any reason, especially the lying. Hugs again.

    Post # 6
    5959 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Don’t let this get to you and don’t feel obligated to attend any function for her benefit, she had an opportunity to be honest, she elected to do something else.

    Post # 7
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    (hugs) I’m so sorry that you’re going through this – obviously, she can choose whoever she wants to be a bridesmaid, but it must be painful that, not only did she not choose you, she lied to you about the fact that she was having bridesmaids! Did she think you wouldn’t notice on the wedding day? I’m not surprised you feel so hurt and betrayed by this, and I hope you and your friend can sort it out.

    Post # 8
    619 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Sounds like she had her own reasons for not choosing you but was too embarrassed/nervous/scared to tell you that we were not one of them. So she lied. That would be my guess. It was an easy out for her. I’m sorry you are going through this.

    Post # 10
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Ouch. She obviously knew it was rude if she glanced at you awkwardly. I guess she didnt want you to know. But seriously, I think you would have NOTICED during the wedding. 

    Post # 11
    4070 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Been where you are. My oldest friend chose 2 girls.  I didn’t expect to be asked and wasn’t surprised by one of her choices at all but one of these girls is vile. Nobody knew of her before she was asked to be Bridesmaid or Best Man. She openly critises my clothing and the way I look, I class myself as being quite attractive, I have my issues but I’m not ugly and so what if I choose to not have my boobs and ass on show and don’t wear oompa-loompa makeup?!?  She insulted SO, who she’s never met.  And the GROOM doesn’t like her.  She’s a nasty piece of work tbh but I love my friend and I respect her decisions.  Thing is, you need to be there for your friend, bridesmaid or not.  And when the time comes I will still ask her.  Yes, tell your friend you were crushed if you like.  But is it going to change anything?  Just be aware it may not (probably wont). Be a good friend to her, when shit hits the fan and these other girls ditch her (the funeral is a prime example), who will be there?

    (sorry this is rushed, I have to go out and pick my bro up from the airport now.)

    Post # 12
    3668 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Whoa, WTF! I had the same thought as PP – did she think you wouldn’t notice the bridesmaids during the wedding?!

    That is so incredibly hurtful. 🙁 I think I’d have to know her reasons.

    Post # 13
    693 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Wait, WHAT?!?!?! I got the same brush off with someone I considered my best friend!! I found out (not from her) that she is having SEVEN bridesmaids!!!! She told a mutual friend of ours she “could only have seven and since mississippiqueen lives two states away now….”

    She was supposed to be in my wedding a few weeks ago but after our huge fight we called our friendship quits. So sad….and ridiculous!

    What’s the deal with that? I don’t even know seven people, much less have seven best friends I’d want in my wedding!!!

    Post # 14
    5547 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    For me the issue isn’t so much that you aren’t a bridesmaid, but more the way she went about it. Flat out lying to you about it is crappy of her. And honestly, if it were me I would tell her you are no longer able to be in the house party.

    Post # 15
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It’s possible they were foisted on her, or she may have realized that she needed help putting together a wedding and asked the girls helping her to be bridesmaids out of a sense of obligation…it’s been months since she said that to you, so you don’t know that she lied in the first place, her plans might have changed.

    I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel hurt, that’s entirely understandable and anyone would feel hurt, but give her the benefit of the doubt until you talk to her about it.  She should trust you enough to be honest with you and if she wasn’t honest with you, you both need to explore that or your friendship will come to a standstill.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I sincerely hope that things improve with her! 

    Post # 16
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I would want to ask her about the lie. Make it clear that she has a right to choose who she wants, but you wantEd to clear up whatever made her feel the need to be dishonest with you

    The topic ‘Bridesmaid snub’ is closed to new replies.

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