Post # 17
I am so sorry, I feel so awful. This is absolutely a terrible thing – I dont even know how to tell you to handle it. Truthfully I think I would be there for her big day wish her well and just let her know honestly how close of a friend she was to you and how much being a part of her big day would have meant to you. Also I would ask why she didnt tell you the truth about the issue. I hate to say lose touch with anyone but after speaking your mind to her I wouldnt go out of your way to stay in touch.
What do your parents say about the issue? Did they already know? (I am just thinking of my mom’s close friends and the things they talk about)
Once again I am so sorry 🙁
Post # 18
Wow that is crazy— and I agree she knew she was being horrid by glancing at you before she listed the 7.
WTF -did she think you weren’t going to notice the posse trotting up there on her wedding day?
Screw her – seriously – she sounds awful.
Post # 19
@chasesgirl: I’m with you on all counts.
OP, you have every right to be upset and hurt by this. How you choose to handle it really depends on what you want the future of your relationship with her to be. If you want to salvage the friendship, then yes, you have to talk to her. But I wouldn’t be there to pick up all the pieces and totally have her back when all the other girls flake out on her (like a PP suggested). That’s way too easy for her, and it lets her walk all over you. You would be fulfilling your friend duties just by remaining in the house party at this point.
I’m not one to maintain a friendship with someone who hurts me so deeply, so I probably wouldn’t talk to her. Ever. I’m a switch flipper, though. It takes a lot (and I think this situation would qualify as a lot for me personally), but once a person crosses that line, the switch flips to OFF. And that’s the end. Yeah, not super-healthy, but it’s the way it is for me, and it’s probably what I’d do in this situation.
Post # 20
Wow, for all the things you have been through and all the things you are doing for her, she treats u like that.
By the way how many events are you guys having to honor her??
I think I read about
1. Dinner to honor her
2. A house Party
3. And now a lavish party from you and your family
I have never heard of so many events for a bride.
Post # 21
@Earlybride: a house party is basically part of the bridal party; like the female equivilant of ushers.
But even then, lots of events for this girl.
Post # 22
Oh no 🙁 I’d be heartbroken. I’m so sorry!
I would need to call her out on this, otherwise it would just eat me up. Make sure that you calmly remind her what she said to you and tell her how hurt you feel. If you avoid attacking/accusatory language, she will have to respond to you.
I think you’re well within your rights to say you feel too hurt to attend her wedding if thats what you’d prefer.
Post # 23
@HappierKate: Ahhh I understand.Yes lot of events isnt it? Oh and Im sure shes going to have a bachelorette party too. lol
If it was me, I would have too much planning to do to attend all these parties or am I silly? lol
Post # 24
I personally would cancel the party in her honor and be done with her and her stupid wedding. The fact that she chose SEVEN other girls but not you is hurtful enough, (I mean, even if she doesn’t consider you her best friend like you do her, does she really have seven other people she considers BETTER friends than you?). But on top of everything she out and out LIED to your face and what…didn’t think you would notice the actual bridesmaids? Or was she not intending to invite you after all?
I would wash my hands of her. If she contacted me, I MIGHT, (very small might) consider forgiving her. If, however, you want to salvage the friendship (or try to) you need to talk to her. Utopia4us was spot on that you should tell her she has the right to choose the people she wants as bridesmaids, (an explanation as to why she didn’t pick you would be nice, but not required, unless YOU require it for your own peace of mind), but she absolutely needs to explain why she lied to you.
ETA: Be thankful you found out NOW, instead of the day of the wedding! And I think you SHOULD have started crying and left the room when she listed seven women who were bridesmaids and you weren’t among them. The little poophead needs to know you are really hurt by this.
Post # 25
I’d def not have the party in her honor. She can have one of her 7 throw her a party. That is such BS. I’d be done with her and the friendship, but that’s just me. When I’m cut deep by someone, and this would be that case, I’d cut them out of my life. The way I see it, if someone does something to me that I would have NEVER done to them, then that’s enough reason for me to not want them in my life anymore. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that. Doesn’t sound like she appreciates your friendship. I’m sorry, I can imagine how upset you are. I would be just as hurt. And mad!
Post # 26
Talk to your friend. There could be a million reasons why she isn’t having you as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and that is her business alone but you do need to address the fact that she omitted to let you know that she had a change in plans and was having BM’s.
Though to be fair to the bride most of the advice on wedding bee states that you shouldn’t tell someone they are not a Bridesmaid or Best Man or why so technically she did what most people would advise.
A lot of friends fall out over weddings so maybe she decided she didn’t want to chance having her best friend in her wedding party? Maybe they are all family members? Maybe she misunderstood something you said one day and felt like you wouldn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man or weren’t supportive of her marriage? As I said there are a million reasons not necessarily anything sinister!
Post # 27
@j_jaye: Though to be fair to the bride most of the advice on wedding bee states that you shouldn’t tell someone they are not a Bridesmaid or Best Man or why so technically she did what most people would advise.
Under normal circumstances that would be true. But once you’ve specifically told someone you are only having one attendant (your cousin) and if you COULD have bridesmaids they would be your first pick, you owe that person an explanation as to what happened when you turn around and have bridesmaids, (especially SEVEN bridesmaids!).
Post # 28
@j_jaye: I hear what you are saying but none of those possibilities excuse the fact that the bride lied.
Post # 29
I am just stunned by the way she handled things. It wouldn’t be as bad if she had just told me the truth, I’d still be pretty hurt, but I might be able to get past it. My instinct is to never see or talk to her again, but I know that’s probably because it’s so soon after finding out. I’m going to wait it out a bit so I don’t say anything rash, but I just don’t know if I will be able to forgive her.
I went out on a limb, and asked my grandmother if we could have the party at her club which is a highly coveted venue where I live. After she heard the news she wants to completely call the party off, but I talked her into going ahead with things. My parents are very upset too, and wanted to scale the party back after hearing the news, but we have already paid deposits on the caterer, band, flowers, etc.. Our moms are best friends, and I don’t want to cause any trouble, so I told them everything was okay. I just wish my Mom hadn’t gone so overboard with the party. It’s much more extravagant than my deb party or my parent’s 30th anniversary party COMBINED, and we really can’t afford to spend so much right now. I don’t want to spend a penny on her at this point. I was looking at her registry earlier, and the cheapest thing on it is $120! For her china, one place setting is almost $700! Ridiculous and vulgar!
EDIT: Make that $740
Post # 30
@ChummyBears: All I have to say is you are a much nicer person than I am…truthfully I cant say I would be so nice about this lavish party you are throwing her. Seriously, you are obviously an amazing friend and she is the one losing out.
Post # 31
@ChummyBears: My parents are very upset too, and wanted to scale the party back after hearing the news, but we have already paid deposits on the caterer, band, flowers, etc…..we really can’t afford to spend so much right now.
I would eat the loss on the deposits. The deposits can’t be much compared to the total cost of the party itself, and may even be refundable or be able to be credited to something else at the club (Grandma could have a life-long credit to get her drink on! I would at least TALK to the venue, and SOON.
OR, alternatively, scale back the party quite a bit….you could go with a smaller floral package so the deposit would be applied to a larger portion of said package. You could go with chicken instead of steak so the deposit would cover more of the catering. Or hot dogs. Hehehe. Now that I think about it, you could have an awesome “F-Off” party. Hot dogs and beans for supper, change the band to…oh, I dunno…a polka band. Get the florist to provide you with the ugliest flowers possible…if they’re wilted or dead, all the better!