(Closed) Bridesmaid snub

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What would you do in this situation?

    Do nothing, and try to accept it

    Come out and ask her why

    Go biserk

    Fulfill whatever duties are expected of you for the wedding, and afterwards don't keep in touch

  • Post # 47
    Member
    1114 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I think you need to talk to her, more than anything about why she lied to you about not having bridesmaids.  How the hell did she think that was sustainable?!

    Post # 48
    Member
    768 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Awww hugs. I have sort of been(am in) your situation as well. The person I consider to be my best friend didn’t ask me to be in her wedding either. I keep trying to remind myself that it’s her wedding so if she doesn’t want me to be in it – that’s her choice. I was/am still a bit hurt by her choice, but it is her choice to make. I try to keep telling myself that at least I will get to wear a dress I am comfortable in/like for the wedding 🙂 I hope you feel better OP!

    Post # 49
    Member
    1398 posts
    Bumble bee

    Why are your parents paying deposits for her wedding?

    Post # 50
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    You shouldn’t have to deal with this just because your moms are best friends. I’m shocked her mom is ok with her own daughter doing this to you. Just lose the deposits and cancel the party or scale way way back. This is not a real friend and she did not think for a second how hurt you would be. She straight up lied to you. To the only friend that showed up when her grandfather passed away. Skip the party and only attend the wedding if you must. I’d leave that early too. Be careful with picking friends, you seem really nice and I don’t think anyone on this board wants to see your kindness taken advantage of again.

    Post # 51
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I have been in a similar situation, before my friend got engaged and even before she met her fiance we had discussed how we would be bridesmaid for each other. I had her a my bridesmaid and even after she was engaged she was still talking about me and her sister being her 2 bridesmaids. Then she cut me out and added her other friend, was so hurt at the time, but i got over it.

    Post # 52
    Member
    802 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m kind of with j jaye still.  We don’t know anything; we don’t know if the situation changed.  It sounds like she isn’t close to some of these girls, and if they’re the pushy types, we may have a case of a bride who can’t say no to a Future Mother-In-Law or even a Fiance or semi-friend.

    Until you talk to her flat out and find out what the deal is, you don’t know if she lied, if her feelings changed, or if the situation changed…for all you know, her glance at you was a “I really wanted her in the bridal party but I’m stuck with these 7 bitches and now I have to rattle the list off and this sucks” and not a “I know you’re going to be angry about this because I did a bad thing.”  Or it’s the latter and she feels guilty for not talking to you after the situation changed.

    For the sake of the friendship you had, give her the benefit of the doubt until you talk to her, then decide whether she lied or not and whether to forgive her.  Or whether she didn’t lie but still needs forgiveness for you two to move on.

    …also if you really need to get back at her, she’ll feel mega guilty about the huge party your parents are throwing her.  So there’s that.  But I’m just a bit evil. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    3696 posts
    Sugar bee

    Could you change the party to something different altogether? i.e. still have the party, so as not to lose the deposits, but maybe change the date so it can celebrate a different occasion (parents’ anniversary, grandma’s birthday, etc.)? This person should not be rewarded for her bad behavior by still getting a lavish party at a fancy club.

    Post # 54
    Member
    2605 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    View original reply
    @LadyElva:  aha, I figured you weren’t serious, but you never know…there’s all kindsa crazy hidden in the deepest, darkest depths of the internet…. Wink

    You have NO idea! Muahahaha!  Laughing

    I think the OP is well within her right to throw a F-off party (and I’d probably help with the lifesized cardboard cutout of the bride for throwing darts at!)

    See, OP, the Bees have your back!  

    probably best to be mature about these things. Damn adulthood for taking the fun outta life!

    Aw, raspberries!  *pouts*

    Post # 55
    Member
    2605 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @Sunflower–girl:  Why are your parents paying deposits for her wedding?

    They aren’t.  The deposits being referenced are for a party in this woman’s honor that the OP and her parents are hosting at Grandma’s exclusive club.

    Post # 56
    Member
    2779 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think you need to hear what she has to say for herself before deciding anything about your friendship’s future. Don’t automatically accept any excuse she does give, but there may be a reason for it.

    Post # 57
    Member
    558 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

    I read this post to my Fiance like a PP did.  He couldn’t believe someone was like that with their supposed best friend.

    I totally understand what PPs are saying about how maybe her situation changed, but I still don’t understand why she wouldn’t ask the OP to stand with her.  If she suddenly felt pressure by people to have bridesmaids, fine, but why not call up the OP ASAP and ask her to stand? 

    Post # 58
    Member
    11226 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Oh god. First of all, big hugs for you because this is truly, truly awful.

    Second, I agree with a pp–did she really not think you’d notice SEVEN matching ladies, you know, standing at the altar with her?!

    Third, I’d confront her about lying to you. Make her explain to you WHY she flat out lied and expected you not to notice the fact that she has six, SIX, more bridesmaids than what she told you.

    Fourth, cancel the party and never talk to her again.

    Post # 59
    Member
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think that you should ask her why she lied to you and tell her how it hurt you worse that she lied than it would have hurt you to just be told you weren’t a bridesmaid. Give her the chance to apologize ane be willing to forgive.

    Post # 60
    Member
    3311 posts
    Sugar bee

    Definitely talk to her and find out her side of things.

    Post # 61
    Member
    11734 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Wow I usually tell people not to be offended by it and to move on and not ruin a friendship over it, but this is a really messed up situation. I would definitely tell her how you feel and ask her why she chose 7 other people over you!  It’s fine if she had 1 or 2 people, but seven?! wow.  Depending on her reaction to your conversation I’d assess the friendship moving forward.

    The topic ‘Bridesmaid snub’ is closed to new replies.

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